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I wouldn't call it an addiction...
15 years ago
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why I have this certain...problem. Lets call him....R.
R is the one person I want to notice me. He makes me jealous. He makes me green and squirming with envy. Yet, he will talk to to others and notice them before me, as if he's ashamed.
I know I have all I want, and I'm the happiest that I can be, but he still lurks in the back of my mind for some reason, and I can't shake him.
Background: 4 years ago, R had a girlfriend (gf#1) that he was having problems with. I had just gotten out of a relationship. It was clear that we had something for each other. You would think that we would get together right? Wrong, I was shunned and he stayed in his dying relationship. For another 6 more months. But after that, I found my boyfriend and all the happiness I could ever want. So he goes off and hooks up with about 3 girls and gets together with girlfriend #2. Gf #2 is a total bitch/psycho, and I tell him that as a friend, He flips, gf#2 flips on me, they don't talk to me. Over the course of 2 years that he spent with gf#2, he has apologized to me numerous times for the time where he flipped to me and didn't talk to me because his gf hated me. He also sent me some pretty dirty/flirty texts, telling me he wanted to do all sorts of stuff to me. Well, my bf saw those and now he hates R.
Also during his 2-year stint with gf#2 aka bitchface, I found out that he hooked up with various people, all of them I know, most of them my friends from high school. In a moment of extreme weakness (my bf was in another country for 3 months), I hooked up with him. Was I proud of it? No, not really. Did it temporarily fill a void? Yes.
Toward the end of relationship with gf#2, we kinda hooked up again. And he started talking to me a lot more. It feels like our relationship was purely "friends with benefits" at that point, as it is up until now. Recently, I had the most dastardly of hook-ups with R. (this is while he is with gf#3, who is the current). Sigh. I still love my bf with all my heart, but idk why R is still in the back of my mind, cause I would never leave my bf for him.
But why, you may ask, do you still want this other guy if you're so happy with your boyfriend? The truth is, if I knew I would tell you. I get jealous because he turned into a man-whore and is trying to hook up with all these girls that I know. He used to be just my little secret. I think I made him into a monster. Maybe I'd like to think that he had feelings for me at some point, Cause I did have feelings for him at one point. Until he decided to ignore them.
I...I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this. I've never really had this problem before.
So yeah. Rant over I guess.
R is the one person I want to notice me. He makes me jealous. He makes me green and squirming with envy. Yet, he will talk to to others and notice them before me, as if he's ashamed.
I know I have all I want, and I'm the happiest that I can be, but he still lurks in the back of my mind for some reason, and I can't shake him.
Background: 4 years ago, R had a girlfriend (gf#1) that he was having problems with. I had just gotten out of a relationship. It was clear that we had something for each other. You would think that we would get together right? Wrong, I was shunned and he stayed in his dying relationship. For another 6 more months. But after that, I found my boyfriend and all the happiness I could ever want. So he goes off and hooks up with about 3 girls and gets together with girlfriend #2. Gf #2 is a total bitch/psycho, and I tell him that as a friend, He flips, gf#2 flips on me, they don't talk to me. Over the course of 2 years that he spent with gf#2, he has apologized to me numerous times for the time where he flipped to me and didn't talk to me because his gf hated me. He also sent me some pretty dirty/flirty texts, telling me he wanted to do all sorts of stuff to me. Well, my bf saw those and now he hates R.
Also during his 2-year stint with gf#2 aka bitchface, I found out that he hooked up with various people, all of them I know, most of them my friends from high school. In a moment of extreme weakness (my bf was in another country for 3 months), I hooked up with him. Was I proud of it? No, not really. Did it temporarily fill a void? Yes.
Toward the end of relationship with gf#2, we kinda hooked up again. And he started talking to me a lot more. It feels like our relationship was purely "friends with benefits" at that point, as it is up until now. Recently, I had the most dastardly of hook-ups with R. (this is while he is with gf#3, who is the current). Sigh. I still love my bf with all my heart, but idk why R is still in the back of my mind, cause I would never leave my bf for him.
But why, you may ask, do you still want this other guy if you're so happy with your boyfriend? The truth is, if I knew I would tell you. I get jealous because he turned into a man-whore and is trying to hook up with all these girls that I know. He used to be just my little secret. I think I made him into a monster. Maybe I'd like to think that he had feelings for me at some point, Cause I did have feelings for him at one point. Until he decided to ignore them.
I...I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this. I've never really had this problem before.
So yeah. Rant over I guess.
Second, good use of cloaking by calling him R.
Third, i know you need to sort this out, you get jealous, yeah thats fine, but thats no big deal. You should get jealous all the time, of people or of things, and thats really normal. i just think maybe you should stop obsessing over it and try to form a now friendship with R. i know it seems a bit hard with all the hook ups and what not going down. However, it can be done. Try being friends with him, tell him no, and tell yourself no when it goes to far. i think maybe you are more jealous of the fact he gets to fool around behind his gf's backs and you, cause you have a consience, dont?
I know you will gett this sorted eventually.... if you need some EnP coffeee just let me know, i can always get out
2. Yes, if I had used a different letter, then it would be obvious.
3. I wouldn't say its obsessing, I think you would KNOW it if I was. Its more like...how should I put this...an itch I can't scratch? Wait that was lame...ok so just like I put it before, its more like he's a shadow in the back of my mind. But its like...I can't tell him no cause I want him too sometimes...
4. EnP would be nice