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Captain's Log - Sparkling Undead...What?
15 years ago
My hope for the human race has dwindled significantly upon finally watching the abomination that is 'Twilight'. I had not paid it much mind, as it seemed incomprehensibly dull and lacking in anything relating to coherence, but a pirate's curiosity tends to get the better of him at the most inopportune times.
Since seeing this, vomiting has increasing two-fold as one of my consistent hobbies, and I have nightmares about effeminate men groping me without quarter. Admittedly, I had the same night terrors when William was around.
I'm going to abandon my usual decorum with vocabulary and flat out say this:
Stephanie Meyer, you are a sodding whore, and I sincerely hope dogs of several varieties gnaw your hands to unrecognizable stumps so you may never inscribe such blasphemy again.
Nosferatu would be rolling in his grave, providing he'd stay in it for once. Also, I sincerely apologize for my crude words above.
Oh, wait, one more:
Poppycock.
~Capt. Jack Sparrow
Since seeing this, vomiting has increasing two-fold as one of my consistent hobbies, and I have nightmares about effeminate men groping me without quarter. Admittedly, I had the same night terrors when William was around.
I'm going to abandon my usual decorum with vocabulary and flat out say this:
Stephanie Meyer, you are a sodding whore, and I sincerely hope dogs of several varieties gnaw your hands to unrecognizable stumps so you may never inscribe such blasphemy again.
Nosferatu would be rolling in his grave, providing he'd stay in it for once. Also, I sincerely apologize for my crude words above.
Oh, wait, one more:
Poppycock.
~Capt. Jack Sparrow
-TsukiShiro
*sigh* 'Tis hard being a fan of werewolves some days... they just get no lovin'...
We should hang out. =3 Easier to plot Edward's demise that way. >=3
Undead psychic babies, crippled pregnant girls, sex so hard it breaks headboards, c-sections administered via fangs and, last but not least, PEDOPHILE WEREWOLVES.
This, my friend, sounds not like horror, suspense, or romance, but idiocy so extreme that i would thoroughly soak my trousers with the contents of my bladder from laughing so hard.
And sex so intense it shatters headboards? I could tell you some stories...
These figures don't have anything in common with Nosferatu or the kind of Vampire Bram Stoker wrote about in 'Dracula' - that was a Vampire and I mean a real good, evil, seductive and bloodliking one
*nod*
I mean, the original Dracula wasn't going 'poof' in the sunlight but he was not as strong as in the night.
But ... SPARKLING
Definitely *waves Dracula-banner* ^^
I'm still waiting for a video game with a werewolf protagonist though. At this rate, I may have to make it myself!
Maybe guns?
I bow to you captain.
Drinking, for instance.
And instead of making your brain quite battered and fluffy from an egg beater, have a drink instead. Perhaps some rum...or , maybe some more rum.
You know what tho? I blame f-ing anne rice on this. If it wasn't for her vampires STILL would be feared and STILL would be treated with a modicum of respect. When the 90's came around and Vampire : The Masquerade came out it all went downhill because now it was cool to be a edgy, gothic type of vampire.
What happened to the days of Bela Legosi? Christopher Lee? What? Those are not vampires? I swear to christ don't come up to me and say that because i'll slap you so hard you're kids'll feel it.
Now watch, someone'll do the same shit with mummies, werewolves and even frankenstien monsters. God people get a LIFE.
Perhaps : unstable alcohol consumption until the thought of Twilight disappears, along with basic mathematics.
They suck bolas. Without mercy, they suck total and complete bolas.
...That is all.
I cannot agree more on your assessment of Twiblight.
And master of rum!
You just gave me an idea for a wonderful morale booster.
I as well have a similar dislike of Miss Meyer. I believe her style in which she portrays the creatures known as Vampire is, what children would say, Poo-Poo. She is a silly woman who needs a swift kick in the bum. I would be more than glad to join you in a grand escapade to attack this 'Twilight'. I say roasting marshmallows over a flaming copy of the abhorrent trilogy would be a good start.
I can proudly say that I have refrained from seeing the newest movie, although now I am tempted to sit in and moo through out the entire thing.
Sincerly and with girly-crush,
SleepingIn
I am elated you feel the same way towards Miss Meyer's absolutely ridiculous fancies concerning the world of vampires, and wholeheartedly support posterior-kicking should the target be that banshee's hindend. It will be a grand adventure, certainly, and the bonfire that shall send those silly books back to the dunes of Davy Jones' Locker will be toasty indeed.
If you do intend to see the next movie and caterwaul to aggravate the fawning fanbase, please record said instance and send it my way.
Regards,
Captain Jack Sparrow
When shall we go on a killing spree?
May ye laugh yer arse off as I did.
And as a student of folklore, my loathing for this collection of soiled toilet paper which is the Twitlight novels only deepens. It was bad enough that Stoker had turned what was a rightly feared class of undead into a sex symbol, but now this over-weight harem reject has to come along and spew her teenaged wet dreams all across the media.
Your imaginative and colorful venacular is such a joy, either heard or seen in these journals that it gives one the impression you slap your offenders with a silken glove... a silken glove that contains a brick!
Annnnd, I've heard she's gonna rewrite the whole series from ol' sparklebutt's POV>
maybe we should go find and kill her. *evil laughter*
That is all. ^)_(^
VAMPIRES
I cannot overstate how much hatred that one word brings, with every single fiber of my being.
If only those inked and papered words were never draped upon the silver screen. Many, myself included, would be just content.
I like that zombies are no longer lumbering sloths and are now sprinting speed-demons...
But I maintain that VAMPIRES SHOULD NOT SPARKLE!!!!
Back in my day, vampires were scary.. they did NOT sparkle!
..
I mean that scene where Edward stepped into the sunlight, couldn't have been more gay unless butterflies, blue jays and a My Little Pony came out to greet him...
Twilight sucks! :)
Here's the play... dress in a Hufflepuff school uniform, carrying a sign or wearing a sandwich-board that reads "REMEMBER CEDRIC DIGGORY." One has to wonder if, through all the screams of "Harry Potter SUCKS!", that one of those mouth-breathing Twitards will get the joke- that Robert Pattinson, their beloved Edward Cullen, got his start as Cedric Diggory in the film version of Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire.