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The power of a single decision
15 years ago
The stars shine each night...
Yesterday I decided to be more positive. Already my opinion on myself has changed.
TL;DR starts here; it's basically just a small (subjectively, small compared to a report or an essay) recap.
I was a little bored, and a little curious. I have a total of three emails that I've actually used; I move on every few years to a new one, usually when my MSN list fills up with people I don't actually know. My oldest email address has eleven pages of emails that I'd saved by moving them to "drafts", and I never quite bothered to go back through and read them. Of late I've been remembering how I was acting even a few years ago, and being amazed, so I thought 'why not go back through, from oldest to newest?' And that's exactly what I did.
About mid-way, I came across a few emails me and an old friend had exchanged. I haven't talked to her in a few years and I'm kind of sad about that; she's one of the few people I used to hang out with whom I actually miss. Any way, at the time I was (I thought, still haven't figured out if I was or not) head over heels for her, but she had a boy of her own. One night talking I threw a bit of a drama-spaz, and basically threatened to kill myself over her; naturally she was both devastated and annoyed. We emailed back and forth a few times a couple of days later, and she'd forgiven me, but the drama-queen in me wouldn't let it go. I then went and whined to a mutual friend of ours (another friend I miss, actually) that I didn't think she'd actually forgiven me. Later that night I got an email that basically said she was over me acting like a three year old, and I could either believe she'd forgiven me or rack off. Naturally I pulled my head out of my ass and get over it; however re-reading that email yesterday damn near made me cry.
Not many people know, but small things really annoy me; skipping songs mid way through, odd stepping patterns, large crowds are one of the worst, but generally things like that. Anyway, the other week I was out at a shopping center (don't ask me why, I have no money) and someone didn't indicate to turn a corner that I was walking across. I all but yelled at him to learn to use an indicator (to put it politely). My luck? He pulled up next to our car. Now, let it be said, I'm seventeen and have my L plates, naturally he was pissed; but he was also a jerk who was looking for a fight and wouldn't let me get a word in and I thoroughly wish I could have smacked him, if for no other reason than I think he deserved it (I didn't, I'm a geek and would have been introduced to the pavement in about a hundred pieces). Anyways, he was an ass, I was an ass we drove off. To make matters worse for myself (as if being a jerk who probably deserved to be smacked myself wasn't enough) I then had a go at my Mum (yes, that's spelled correctly, I'm an Aussie) for arguing against him for me. Well, as these things go, I was put in my place, and my ego was scratched a bit.
Looking back, I can't believe I did that. I mean, he was both an ass and annoying, but what good could my being an ass to him have done? But then to be a jerk to my Mum? Pointless, and negative; especially when she's having a hard time herself. I'm a firm believer in saying what you mean and not bending it to someone else's will, but that doesn't mean going around and mouthing off at ever chance.
There are other things too; morons who've come and gone and I cling to my hate of them. I've always loathed both sayings, 'forgive and forget', as well as 'if you can't forgive, at least forget.' In my opinion, if someone needs to be forgiven then they need to earn it, and I've always thought "why should I forget something they've clearly given me reason to remember?" Now though, I think I get it; even if I can't forgive them, let it go. Why keep carrying around such a negative emotion?
End TL;DR
Always make sure you're honestly thinking what you're saying, but may-haps don't say everything you think.
Sorry for the public rant that really has nothing to do with anything any of you are likely to care about, but I felt like posting it.
TL;DR starts here; it's basically just a small (subjectively, small compared to a report or an essay) recap.
I was a little bored, and a little curious. I have a total of three emails that I've actually used; I move on every few years to a new one, usually when my MSN list fills up with people I don't actually know. My oldest email address has eleven pages of emails that I'd saved by moving them to "drafts", and I never quite bothered to go back through and read them. Of late I've been remembering how I was acting even a few years ago, and being amazed, so I thought 'why not go back through, from oldest to newest?' And that's exactly what I did.
About mid-way, I came across a few emails me and an old friend had exchanged. I haven't talked to her in a few years and I'm kind of sad about that; she's one of the few people I used to hang out with whom I actually miss. Any way, at the time I was (I thought, still haven't figured out if I was or not) head over heels for her, but she had a boy of her own. One night talking I threw a bit of a drama-spaz, and basically threatened to kill myself over her; naturally she was both devastated and annoyed. We emailed back and forth a few times a couple of days later, and she'd forgiven me, but the drama-queen in me wouldn't let it go. I then went and whined to a mutual friend of ours (another friend I miss, actually) that I didn't think she'd actually forgiven me. Later that night I got an email that basically said she was over me acting like a three year old, and I could either believe she'd forgiven me or rack off. Naturally I pulled my head out of my ass and get over it; however re-reading that email yesterday damn near made me cry.
Not many people know, but small things really annoy me; skipping songs mid way through, odd stepping patterns, large crowds are one of the worst, but generally things like that. Anyway, the other week I was out at a shopping center (don't ask me why, I have no money) and someone didn't indicate to turn a corner that I was walking across. I all but yelled at him to learn to use an indicator (to put it politely). My luck? He pulled up next to our car. Now, let it be said, I'm seventeen and have my L plates, naturally he was pissed; but he was also a jerk who was looking for a fight and wouldn't let me get a word in and I thoroughly wish I could have smacked him, if for no other reason than I think he deserved it (I didn't, I'm a geek and would have been introduced to the pavement in about a hundred pieces). Anyways, he was an ass, I was an ass we drove off. To make matters worse for myself (as if being a jerk who probably deserved to be smacked myself wasn't enough) I then had a go at my Mum (yes, that's spelled correctly, I'm an Aussie) for arguing against him for me. Well, as these things go, I was put in my place, and my ego was scratched a bit.
Looking back, I can't believe I did that. I mean, he was both an ass and annoying, but what good could my being an ass to him have done? But then to be a jerk to my Mum? Pointless, and negative; especially when she's having a hard time herself. I'm a firm believer in saying what you mean and not bending it to someone else's will, but that doesn't mean going around and mouthing off at ever chance.
There are other things too; morons who've come and gone and I cling to my hate of them. I've always loathed both sayings, 'forgive and forget', as well as 'if you can't forgive, at least forget.' In my opinion, if someone needs to be forgiven then they need to earn it, and I've always thought "why should I forget something they've clearly given me reason to remember?" Now though, I think I get it; even if I can't forgive them, let it go. Why keep carrying around such a negative emotion?
End TL;DR
Always make sure you're honestly thinking what you're saying, but may-haps don't say everything you think.
Sorry for the public rant that really has nothing to do with anything any of you are likely to care about, but I felt like posting it.
ozfurs
and here I alwas figured you were 35 or so... *chuckles...
*hugs...
V.
My thanks for taking the time to read it, I can't quite say why, but it makes me happy.
*hugs you back and smiles...