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15 years ago
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ok ok i still need a few more votes for my new book but now theres a new prob should i be the pearson talking or should i not be i think i shouldn't be the person talking idk but i ll give yall a sample of what i was thinkin.
EX.
it's been 3 days since the crash. Mama and papa still haven't woken up. cam and i are in the hospital still they say untill they find a family to help us. mama and papa once told us about the family we used to go and see. but that was when we were 2 or three years old. mama and papa told us that we couldn't go see em' because they work on a ranch that needs constent supervision. i vagly remember some memorys. and i don't now about cam but it wasn't much of a suprise. i remember me and cam were on our horses named cocoa and sunset. sunset was mine and cocoa was cam. and there i think were two boys.we were in one of the big pastures and we were riding me and cam were training at the time to be trick riders. and we all had fun.
or i could do both twins
EX2
it's been 3 days since the crash. Mama and papa still haven't woken up. cam and i are in the hospital still they say untill they find a family to help us. mama and papa once told us about the family we used to go and see. but that was when we were 2 or three years old. mama and papa told us that we couldn't go see em' because they work on a ranch that needs constent supervision. i vagly remember some memorys. and i don't now about cam but it wasn't much of a suprise. i remember me and cam were on our horses named cocoa and sunset. sunset was mine and cocoa was cam. and there i think were two boys ....... no no no sam it was girls........CAM! you remember i thought you forgot. nope i remembered it and i thought they were girls. well i think they are boys so lets go with that k? fine fineso any way i think we were in the largest pasture and me and cam were practicing trick riding.
well thats a sample pls vote
EX.
it's been 3 days since the crash. Mama and papa still haven't woken up. cam and i are in the hospital still they say untill they find a family to help us. mama and papa once told us about the family we used to go and see. but that was when we were 2 or three years old. mama and papa told us that we couldn't go see em' because they work on a ranch that needs constent supervision. i vagly remember some memorys. and i don't now about cam but it wasn't much of a suprise. i remember me and cam were on our horses named cocoa and sunset. sunset was mine and cocoa was cam. and there i think were two boys.we were in one of the big pastures and we were riding me and cam were training at the time to be trick riders. and we all had fun.
or i could do both twins
EX2
it's been 3 days since the crash. Mama and papa still haven't woken up. cam and i are in the hospital still they say untill they find a family to help us. mama and papa once told us about the family we used to go and see. but that was when we were 2 or three years old. mama and papa told us that we couldn't go see em' because they work on a ranch that needs constent supervision. i vagly remember some memorys. and i don't now about cam but it wasn't much of a suprise. i remember me and cam were on our horses named cocoa and sunset. sunset was mine and cocoa was cam. and there i think were two boys ....... no no no sam it was girls........CAM! you remember i thought you forgot. nope i remembered it and i thought they were girls. well i think they are boys so lets go with that k? fine fineso any way i think we were in the largest pasture and me and cam were practicing trick riding.
well thats a sample pls vote
To adhere to such it much be balanced to apply to an audience.
The story could have potential, and one should defiantly write to expand their horizons.
Number one is more balanced and addresses to a more addressed characterization.
Number 2 is a mess of perspective and needs to be shifted into dialogue. It is action and description that bring a piece to life. When a work is bogged down with dialogue it causes a lose to your rhetorical triangle of the purpose of your text vs. your audience vs. what your text portrays.
The choice is yours. Just remember to keep a balance and have fun.