So, when people make really dumb mistakes, why do you think they do it?
Even when they know how horribly wrong it is, why do you think they do it?

If there's one thing that I know, I know how to make a mistake.
I know how to fuck my life up. Some would say that I'm an expert at it, without hesitation.

But the thing is,
Some people don't care if they hurt others, or even that one person they love.
Myself on the other hand,
I DO care. I care so much.

Now you may be asking yourself, "Then why all the mistakes? Don't you think you would learn?"
You're right. You think that I would get it through my thick fucking skull that I hurt people when I do certain things. Yet somehow, I still do them, knowing full well that it will hurt someone...but it still happens. And then I regret it.

I'm afraid of life guys, I'm terrified of living. Scared shitless. I need help, a lot of it.
I try to fix things on my own, but that gets me absolutely nowhere.
What do I do?
How do you guys deal with life when it gets rough?
Do any of you out there sabotage yourself like I do? How do you handle it...?

When life starts turning around, and things are going in the right direction...when life is on its way to being amazing, I get unbelievably scared and do something stupid that ruins it all.
For fucks sake, someone help me.

I don't want to be afraid to live my life and love somebody.
I want to love this man with every fiber of my being.
There is nothing in this world that I want more.

I just want to fix myself...

Baby, I'm so sorry. So. Very. Sorry.
For everything...
I love you, I really do. With all my heart.