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Some Furries Don't know how to take an Apology Well.
15 years ago
All names changed (except my own) to protect FurX who is not clear on the concept of accepting an apology. Self-editorial comments are (in parenthesees) and were not a part of the original course of chat.
I think it will be evident I'm certainly at fault, I'm not denying that fact. Lets go over what happened:
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
who's the other guy again. *embarassed* I probly should get to know his name at least?
FurX says:
Robert Blueferret
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Yay Robbie Blueballs er.. ferret. *giggle*ahem* I'm bad.
*swats his own paws*
FurX says:
That is bad... Just cuz he isn't sexual doesn't mean you need to insult my mate to my face
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Hey hey.. er.. um. *earflops* insulting wasn't the intention. Though I suppose i really should've figured it could've bene taken that way. I'm sorry?
I'm a better kangaroo than THAT. The er... tease above was more intended to just play on words, than intent to insult. I truly am apologetic. Please forgive me?
FurX says:
I don't give a fuck, talking ill aboue of my mates, may as well be talking shut about me directly
Dude, what the fuck?
(Editorial: My thought here is, yeah, okay, I get it.. he's pissed, but I'm intent to try to smooth it over just the same)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
FurX? I am sincerely sorry. I mean, its obvious that I made a bit of a bad choice of tease above. It is my responsibility to just hope to ensure you that an insult was not the intention of above. I'm trying to offer a sincere apology.
FurX says:
But I should have guessed,sex is the be all and end all of existance, so if yre not into it, one is viewed sa subpar
And I'm offering a sincere r feelling f pissed and offended
And meant sa an inault or not, that is how it is taken and viewed
How fucking dare you say that shit about someone I love? That shows no fucking respect for eithre of us
(Editorial: FurX has rebuked my first offer of apology. To have a passion for the ones he loves is not in question and not the point of the issue. I hope to help him see he can have the opportunity to extend a forgiveness to my apology, so I try again)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
okay, well, ... you are welcome to that. But I'm at a bit of a loss on how I might help you better to ... ease back on such a reaction and realize I was just a bit clueless, not intentionally meaning to be insulting.
FurX says:
Intentional or not, you done fucked up big time in my eyes
(Editorial: When someone offers an apology, one of the worst things to be done is try to make them feel worse on the mistake they've already made. And a second rebuke to an offer of intended apology. So I attempt a third offer more directly to that point)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
FurX, I can only keep saying what I said above was more play on words than picking on you and your mate and meaning an insult. YOu can accept that word and work with me to perhaps understand how we can fix the bad vibes going on.
FurX says:
I'm supposed to just roll over where my mates are involved, intentional or not?
That was so fucking unfair of you to say about (my mate) I can't fucking believe it
(Editorial: Three Strikes, if you 'think you know me' or 'think you want to be my friend' and you are intent to keep shoving it down my throat when I'm offering an "I'm Sorry" then I frankly don't want to waste time if there's no reciprocal reasonable "lets step back and meet somewhere half way")
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Fur X, you're stepping on an olive branch, at the moment. Yes, I fucked up. I again will admit responsibility in making a bad choice of words that have offended you.
If you think I'm a jerk or i've been unfair or i did it to insult, I can't evidently change your mind about that, no matter what I try to say or put forward as an apology.
and you know what..
that is now YOUR problem and not MINE.
Good day, sir.
-- and then I blocked FurX. Perhaps he may see this and understand upon calmer moment or reflection, My offers of apology were sincere. If you are FurX and recognize this above and would still like to work with me to understand how the above got a bit out of control and come back to a hopeful stronger understanding that on occasion even good furs really put their foot in their mouth send me a private note here on FA. We can attempt to build something stronger, but it won't go anywhere if I can't have my apology acknowledged.
If you don't care and are content to sit in your own guarded defense in the names of your mates, that is your choice and I evidently have no recourse other than you'll just have to stay pissed off at me and you may not understand that I feel shame and sorrow for what I said.
To my other friends who know they aren't fur X and might be inclined to comment on this journal entry: I request that rather than dissing on furX, please remember the fault is still mine and the responsibility to own up to that mistake is the point here. in short: Be positive in your replies not negative.
I think it will be evident I'm certainly at fault, I'm not denying that fact. Lets go over what happened:
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
who's the other guy again. *embarassed* I probly should get to know his name at least?
FurX says:
Robert Blueferret
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Yay Robbie Blueballs er.. ferret. *giggle*ahem* I'm bad.
*swats his own paws*
FurX says:
That is bad... Just cuz he isn't sexual doesn't mean you need to insult my mate to my face
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Hey hey.. er.. um. *earflops* insulting wasn't the intention. Though I suppose i really should've figured it could've bene taken that way. I'm sorry?
I'm a better kangaroo than THAT. The er... tease above was more intended to just play on words, than intent to insult. I truly am apologetic. Please forgive me?
FurX says:
I don't give a fuck, talking ill aboue of my mates, may as well be talking shut about me directly
Dude, what the fuck?
(Editorial: My thought here is, yeah, okay, I get it.. he's pissed, but I'm intent to try to smooth it over just the same)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
FurX? I am sincerely sorry. I mean, its obvious that I made a bit of a bad choice of tease above. It is my responsibility to just hope to ensure you that an insult was not the intention of above. I'm trying to offer a sincere apology.
FurX says:
But I should have guessed,sex is the be all and end all of existance, so if yre not into it, one is viewed sa subpar
And I'm offering a sincere r feelling f pissed and offended
And meant sa an inault or not, that is how it is taken and viewed
How fucking dare you say that shit about someone I love? That shows no fucking respect for eithre of us
(Editorial: FurX has rebuked my first offer of apology. To have a passion for the ones he loves is not in question and not the point of the issue. I hope to help him see he can have the opportunity to extend a forgiveness to my apology, so I try again)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
okay, well, ... you are welcome to that. But I'm at a bit of a loss on how I might help you better to ... ease back on such a reaction and realize I was just a bit clueless, not intentionally meaning to be insulting.
FurX says:
Intentional or not, you done fucked up big time in my eyes
(Editorial: When someone offers an apology, one of the worst things to be done is try to make them feel worse on the mistake they've already made. And a second rebuke to an offer of intended apology. So I attempt a third offer more directly to that point)
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
FurX, I can only keep saying what I said above was more play on words than picking on you and your mate and meaning an insult. YOu can accept that word and work with me to perhaps understand how we can fix the bad vibes going on.
FurX says:
I'm supposed to just roll over where my mates are involved, intentional or not?
That was so fucking unfair of you to say about (my mate) I can't fucking believe it
(Editorial: Three Strikes, if you 'think you know me' or 'think you want to be my friend' and you are intent to keep shoving it down my throat when I'm offering an "I'm Sorry" then I frankly don't want to waste time if there's no reciprocal reasonable "lets step back and meet somewhere half way")
danruk[at]lycos.com says:
Fur X, you're stepping on an olive branch, at the moment. Yes, I fucked up. I again will admit responsibility in making a bad choice of words that have offended you.
If you think I'm a jerk or i've been unfair or i did it to insult, I can't evidently change your mind about that, no matter what I try to say or put forward as an apology.
and you know what..
that is now YOUR problem and not MINE.
Good day, sir.
-- and then I blocked FurX. Perhaps he may see this and understand upon calmer moment or reflection, My offers of apology were sincere. If you are FurX and recognize this above and would still like to work with me to understand how the above got a bit out of control and come back to a hopeful stronger understanding that on occasion even good furs really put their foot in their mouth send me a private note here on FA. We can attempt to build something stronger, but it won't go anywhere if I can't have my apology acknowledged.
If you don't care and are content to sit in your own guarded defense in the names of your mates, that is your choice and I evidently have no recourse other than you'll just have to stay pissed off at me and you may not understand that I feel shame and sorrow for what I said.
To my other friends who know they aren't fur X and might be inclined to comment on this journal entry: I request that rather than dissing on furX, please remember the fault is still mine and the responsibility to own up to that mistake is the point here. in short: Be positive in your replies not negative.
That said, i have gotten pissed off at several things people have (-said-, i'm shure i've gotten angry at such things, online, before, but i really connot recall any specific incident) that were made in at least somewhat innocence, or as a joke. As an example of a joke: An aquaintence and i were doing a landscaping/cleanup job together, and talking about our family origins (he is mostly Irish and I am Puerto Rican / Native American) and said "Hey, we're a Spick and a Mik. My face flashed several tones of red, and i stopped working for a few minutes, but in the end i still was always awear that it was a joke and a play on words. *shrugs*
Back to the point, i won't bash this guy, as you asked, but i would not feel too bad about it if i were you. We all fuck up and offend someone at sometime. Were are not perfect, humorless automatons XD *hugs*
1. Anything that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
2. Everything can be misunderstood.
Four offers of apology should be more than enough to make the point clear.
BTW, contact me please :)
WON'T accept an apology? What a miserable nut that person is!
I wouldn't bother chatting with anyone like that ever again if they
act like that.