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Kinda Slumping, But Overcoming It
15 years ago
General
Kyoo no tema wa kore desu....
Part of my brain has been trying to sneak me into a blue funk the past couple of weeks without the rest of my consciousness noticing.
It first got me stressed over finances, threw an intense case of missing the folks in Ohio at me, it got me an upper-respiratory infection that went bronchial & lost me some days at work, it convinced me to get all sad from missing the Tucson furries who I haven't been able to see (due to work schedule & hours), it got me all stressed & angsty over 90% of my stuff which is mouldering away in storage in Ohio, and now it's taking away my artings (I devoted 10 hours to drawing yesterday & hardly got anything done, except the slow destruction of 2-count-em-TWO full erasers & about 20 sheets of cardstock).
BUT! The part of me responsible for the past few weeks of inner sturm und drang messed up. After giving up on drawing, I had me a whiny frustrated cuddle with my aged spazzhund Maddie. Then I caught a glimpse of the miserable little part of my brain out of the corner of my eye. It was trying to get me miserable over my dog eventually dying; a ham-fisted ploy at best, considering what I've been through with Maddie in the past 2 years.
It wasn't easy to spot it; it's a clever little mental manifestation of the remains of a major depression. Looking at it directly was no good, it just slipped away. But I found it could be pinned steadily with peripheral vision. First it froze in position, mid-pluck at several strings of my psyche, a claw poised to push various emotional buttons. When it was obvious that I had indeed discovered it, it shot me a dirty look & started to retreat. I threw a raspberry after it & decided to celebrate by finishing off some long-neglected & exceptionally nummy fat-free mango sherbet. That critter evidently hates mango sherbet--it ran screaming at the thought of it, to the inner recesses of my brain from whence it spawned.
The little bastard seems to still have a handhold on my artings. Don't worry, I intend to kick its indistinct little fanny. I'm not letting it take my doodles away from me again! But it's frustrating as hell to work hard to arrange an entire day JUST to drawing, & not getting anything worth keeping done.
Time to get more fat-free mango sherbet.
It first got me stressed over finances, threw an intense case of missing the folks in Ohio at me, it got me an upper-respiratory infection that went bronchial & lost me some days at work, it convinced me to get all sad from missing the Tucson furries who I haven't been able to see (due to work schedule & hours), it got me all stressed & angsty over 90% of my stuff which is mouldering away in storage in Ohio, and now it's taking away my artings (I devoted 10 hours to drawing yesterday & hardly got anything done, except the slow destruction of 2-count-em-TWO full erasers & about 20 sheets of cardstock).
BUT! The part of me responsible for the past few weeks of inner sturm und drang messed up. After giving up on drawing, I had me a whiny frustrated cuddle with my aged spazzhund Maddie. Then I caught a glimpse of the miserable little part of my brain out of the corner of my eye. It was trying to get me miserable over my dog eventually dying; a ham-fisted ploy at best, considering what I've been through with Maddie in the past 2 years.
It wasn't easy to spot it; it's a clever little mental manifestation of the remains of a major depression. Looking at it directly was no good, it just slipped away. But I found it could be pinned steadily with peripheral vision. First it froze in position, mid-pluck at several strings of my psyche, a claw poised to push various emotional buttons. When it was obvious that I had indeed discovered it, it shot me a dirty look & started to retreat. I threw a raspberry after it & decided to celebrate by finishing off some long-neglected & exceptionally nummy fat-free mango sherbet. That critter evidently hates mango sherbet--it ran screaming at the thought of it, to the inner recesses of my brain from whence it spawned.
The little bastard seems to still have a handhold on my artings. Don't worry, I intend to kick its indistinct little fanny. I'm not letting it take my doodles away from me again! But it's frustrating as hell to work hard to arrange an entire day JUST to drawing, & not getting anything worth keeping done.
Time to get more fat-free mango sherbet.
The battle is ON!! ::clenches fist defiantly!::
..
And oh dear. your Dog is sweet. think about the times you've had. Think of all the fun times.
Fat free mango sherbet sounds delicious right about now <3.
Kwan. if you lived here i would go for walks with you and Maddie and we could eat fat free mango sherbet together.
I'm glad you're kicking the depressions arse.
keep it up girl! And you're really descriptive and poetic. this really put a strong image in my mind.
you should consider writing something! but if you're anything like me then you can't get anything done unless you're really inspired.
Lemme tell you a secret--I really should be eating suagr-free stuff, but I figure fat-free is better than nothing.
Seriously, about Maddie---in the past 2 years there have been so many times that I thought "This is it--she'll be dead by tomorrow," and suddenly the dog's health takes an upswing again. I must've cried umpty-ump times over what I thought was an impending death. At this point, I've pretty much gone through all stages of the grieving process-- I'm already on 'acceptance.' When it does finally happen, I'll miss her.
so that's why i pray for all of my friends when i can. i don't as much as i should. but i will start to more.
anyways like i said. sorry if you don't believe in God i'm honestly not trying to push anything on you. just explaining how i would deal with it.
It gets to me sometimes, and takes all the fun out of what I'm drawing. I can't have that; I run on fun. Even if what I'm drawing isn't particularly terrible, if I'm not enjoying it, my whole perception of it sucks.
You have no idea how much I identify with that!!
Yep, I'm fightin' it. Sometimes I don't realize that I'm slipping, so I'm happy I was able to identify it it before things got really bad.