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My last words.
15 years ago
So, it's 2:46AM. I'm still awake, because my mind won't go to sleep. So, I decided I would let my mind rest by writing down what I was thinking. And I was thinking about what the last things I would say to everybody who's influenced my life in some way, shape, or form. So, I figured we'd go from here.
Here we go... (In no particular order):
Bryn: You're more than a person could ask for in a friend, and I feel I took you for granted at times, and for that, I want to apologize. And I want to thank you, for everything you've helped me through, through my numerous depressions and other problems, which you stood by and offered advice without complaining or anything. Your friendship is probably one of the things that has kept me along this rough road, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Dylan: When I met you roughly this time last year, I practically idolized you. But soon, I let my jealousy consume me, and I became a monster. I almost let you die for my own pure selfishness, and I'm sorry. No words can express the guilt I feel for the pain I put you through.
Alex: If you've shown me one thing, it's this: I can't let myself depend on someone for emotional stability. And I don't want you to think I'm stating this in a negative way, you've taught me an important life lesson, one that I needed to learn or I wouldn't have been able to grow into who I am today. I'm glad to hear you've moved on and are happy with life.
Torrey: You're probably the person I've treated the worst. From getting mad at you for worrying, to ignoring you for months at a time, I was really an asshole to you. When you wrote out that thoughtful letter telling me you loved me, I went into a panic. I did what was easiest, turned you down and hid. For that, I'm eternally sorry. There is no excuse for my actions.
Everyone: Thank you so so much for being there for me, dealing with my bullshit. You guys are awesome, but I'm going to move on. This is my last journal, I'm not going to frequent this account or my hotmail anymore. It's just time for me to move on.
Here we go... (In no particular order):
Bryn: You're more than a person could ask for in a friend, and I feel I took you for granted at times, and for that, I want to apologize. And I want to thank you, for everything you've helped me through, through my numerous depressions and other problems, which you stood by and offered advice without complaining or anything. Your friendship is probably one of the things that has kept me along this rough road, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Dylan: When I met you roughly this time last year, I practically idolized you. But soon, I let my jealousy consume me, and I became a monster. I almost let you die for my own pure selfishness, and I'm sorry. No words can express the guilt I feel for the pain I put you through.
Alex: If you've shown me one thing, it's this: I can't let myself depend on someone for emotional stability. And I don't want you to think I'm stating this in a negative way, you've taught me an important life lesson, one that I needed to learn or I wouldn't have been able to grow into who I am today. I'm glad to hear you've moved on and are happy with life.
Torrey: You're probably the person I've treated the worst. From getting mad at you for worrying, to ignoring you for months at a time, I was really an asshole to you. When you wrote out that thoughtful letter telling me you loved me, I went into a panic. I did what was easiest, turned you down and hid. For that, I'm eternally sorry. There is no excuse for my actions.
Everyone: Thank you so so much for being there for me, dealing with my bullshit. You guys are awesome, but I'm going to move on. This is my last journal, I'm not going to frequent this account or my hotmail anymore. It's just time for me to move on.
Despite what you've said here, I'm probably more thankful than anything. You've focused on the negative facts here, and one thing's for certain: If it weren't for you coming in and tearing things apart by force, it honestly would have been a lot worse than it was.
I think we all needed a SERIOUS wake up call for being so god damn naive in the day, I mean look at who we were. Think of the things we all did out of desperation, we all let these it get to our heads and we all did some pretty stupid shit. It wasn't just you, we're equally at fault for what happened, and I'm pretty sure you know that.
If you try to make the excuse about how if you never showed your face that this wouldn't have happened, then remember the first night I met you, what was the first thing I did but well.. flirt, etc.
I only hoped everyone gained from this in some way, because I know I did. If it weren't for the complicated love triangle, one or more of us would probably still be in that spiral of trying to know what's different between love/lust/and even friendship.
Oh, and trust me, it wasn't you who almost let me die. You're not responsible for that.
I forgave you a long time ago.
Everything that happened was what I predicted would happen, but nobody listened to me.
Good luck~