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And so it goes
15 years ago
General
And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)
Yes I just borrowed a song title.....
Well okay, only some would know that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY
Tomorrow would have been my 9th wedding anniversary with my late husband. The thoughts swirling inside of my mind are almost unreasonable. In the worst way it still feels like he chose to leave me here. I know that is absolutely insane, but I can't help but think it at times. I still remember sitting at his bedside....granted we hadn't had the best marriage....but I was willing to offer anything, anything at all. Anything for him to have stayed with me. Next month it will be 4 years that he has been gone. never to be able to see him again...misunderstandings that can never be cleared up now. So many things left unsaid, and my life left in pieces. There is an adorable little girl who will never know her Daddy, a boy who lost his trust as it was beginning to build, and me all alone in a corner watching it all as disconnected as I can manage so I don't lose it. That is how I handle things. I disconnect myself from them. Never really dealing with it, or only dealing when I actually have the time. So again I face tomorrow like a broken little girl. The pain slightly lighter than the day I lost him. Pain that never goes, and I know never totally will.
Well okay, only some would know that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY
Tomorrow would have been my 9th wedding anniversary with my late husband. The thoughts swirling inside of my mind are almost unreasonable. In the worst way it still feels like he chose to leave me here. I know that is absolutely insane, but I can't help but think it at times. I still remember sitting at his bedside....granted we hadn't had the best marriage....but I was willing to offer anything, anything at all. Anything for him to have stayed with me. Next month it will be 4 years that he has been gone. never to be able to see him again...misunderstandings that can never be cleared up now. So many things left unsaid, and my life left in pieces. There is an adorable little girl who will never know her Daddy, a boy who lost his trust as it was beginning to build, and me all alone in a corner watching it all as disconnected as I can manage so I don't lose it. That is how I handle things. I disconnect myself from them. Never really dealing with it, or only dealing when I actually have the time. So again I face tomorrow like a broken little girl. The pain slightly lighter than the day I lost him. Pain that never goes, and I know never totally will.
SilverShadowStalker
~silvershadowstalker
*hugs* Yes it is hard, but you missing him so much just proves how much you loved and cared for him. It will never go away, but if nothing ever hurt, we would never know proper joy.
