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Bye-Bye Maddie --- Long Sappy Ramble
15 years ago
General
Kyoo no tema wa kore desu....
If you've read my last journal you'll know I had planned to have my dog Maddie euthanized this weekend. That was changed to today.
I'm a total wreck. I've known & expected this day for about the last 2-3 years, after her first bad turn for the worse. I really did think that I would take it pretty well; I've said my final goodbyes to her no less than 5 times, and I thought I was all cried out. Nope. Been breaking down off & on all morning, hours even before it happened. She's been my dearest companion for 16 years.
She was a bright border collie/lab mix that adored the water. She was a very strong swimmer, even taking on the current of the Little Miami River back in Ohio. When we visited my parent's place in the winter she would try to dig through the ice of the pond so she could swim (and sometimes was successful). Except for other dogs, she was great with other animals, and to date is the only dog that has never been kicked by the family horses & donkeys, or butted by the goats.
Her first trick was 'fetch.' Soon after she learned it, I fell asleep on the couch -- when I woke up, I discovered that then-puppy Maddie had 'fetched' every single thing she could get her muzzle around & drag over to me. Few things made Maddie happier than to fetch the paper, or retrieve a fallen remote.
I called her a spazzhund due to how she spazzed out when she got excited. She was a bright dog but her IQ would plummet when she got revved up. When she was young, she'd get so excited when I got home that she'd spin like a top & crash into furniture, the wall, etc. and keep spinning. Maddie was so full of energy that my schedule was: get up, take Maddie to the park, throw the frisbee until she collapses, go back home, go to work, get home, go to park & frisbee-collapse, go back home, do stuff, go to the park AGAIN, go to bed, repeat.
Maddie was a chaser, not a hunter. If something ran from her, she chased it. If it stopped running, she was frustrated. To my knowledge she's never killed a thing.
Once when taking her on a walk by the Little Miami River back in Ohio, some deer ran past us. I let her go, figuring she'd give up after a minute or two after they outdistanced her. I got her back an hour later. I knew where she was the whole time; I could hear her. Funny how 3 deer four times her size didn't make a sound, while my dog was crashing through the underbrush & whining in frustration the whole time as she charged up & down the hill after them. If those deer had the savvy of an opossum, it would hve been a much shorter chase. I was living right up against some woods & the local opossum population decided the front porch was theirs. So, I called my dog. For 2 days the possums ran & Maddie was overjoyed. On the 3rd day, the biggest possum just sat on his haunches (no playing dead). Most farm-dogs would go, OM-Nom-Nom! Not my Maddie. Unable to hear prior dogs, who knew what to do with a varmint, spinning in their graves, she barked & nudged, but ol' opossum refused to move. This was upsetting for my dog. She threw me several desperate looks, even ran up to me to explain the problem. Sadly I was too busy crying to cooperate in making the possum run. Happily there's been an ample supply of squirrels, rabbits, and deer for her to chase to make up for it.
Maddie had a good last day. She got a bunch of her all-time favorite doggie treats that I was saving. We played a little frisbee. We went on a really long road-trip--I just drove & drove through parks & all over, for about half an hour until she lost interest in sight-seeing (kind of funny, considering how everyone predicted that her cataracts would make her blind & here she is 3 years later taking in the scenery from a car & acting all tough when she sees another dog)--AND she got to sit up front, something she's longed for but was never permitted. Maddie got a lot of hugs & petting. She consoled me & licked my face as I bawled like a baby.
I'm stopping myself now since I'm getting all weepy in the library. It's not even been 24 hours & I miss my dog something awful.
I'm a total wreck. I've known & expected this day for about the last 2-3 years, after her first bad turn for the worse. I really did think that I would take it pretty well; I've said my final goodbyes to her no less than 5 times, and I thought I was all cried out. Nope. Been breaking down off & on all morning, hours even before it happened. She's been my dearest companion for 16 years.
She was a bright border collie/lab mix that adored the water. She was a very strong swimmer, even taking on the current of the Little Miami River back in Ohio. When we visited my parent's place in the winter she would try to dig through the ice of the pond so she could swim (and sometimes was successful). Except for other dogs, she was great with other animals, and to date is the only dog that has never been kicked by the family horses & donkeys, or butted by the goats.
Her first trick was 'fetch.' Soon after she learned it, I fell asleep on the couch -- when I woke up, I discovered that then-puppy Maddie had 'fetched' every single thing she could get her muzzle around & drag over to me. Few things made Maddie happier than to fetch the paper, or retrieve a fallen remote.
I called her a spazzhund due to how she spazzed out when she got excited. She was a bright dog but her IQ would plummet when she got revved up. When she was young, she'd get so excited when I got home that she'd spin like a top & crash into furniture, the wall, etc. and keep spinning. Maddie was so full of energy that my schedule was: get up, take Maddie to the park, throw the frisbee until she collapses, go back home, go to work, get home, go to park & frisbee-collapse, go back home, do stuff, go to the park AGAIN, go to bed, repeat.
Maddie was a chaser, not a hunter. If something ran from her, she chased it. If it stopped running, she was frustrated. To my knowledge she's never killed a thing.
Once when taking her on a walk by the Little Miami River back in Ohio, some deer ran past us. I let her go, figuring she'd give up after a minute or two after they outdistanced her. I got her back an hour later. I knew where she was the whole time; I could hear her. Funny how 3 deer four times her size didn't make a sound, while my dog was crashing through the underbrush & whining in frustration the whole time as she charged up & down the hill after them. If those deer had the savvy of an opossum, it would hve been a much shorter chase. I was living right up against some woods & the local opossum population decided the front porch was theirs. So, I called my dog. For 2 days the possums ran & Maddie was overjoyed. On the 3rd day, the biggest possum just sat on his haunches (no playing dead). Most farm-dogs would go, OM-Nom-Nom! Not my Maddie. Unable to hear prior dogs, who knew what to do with a varmint, spinning in their graves, she barked & nudged, but ol' opossum refused to move. This was upsetting for my dog. She threw me several desperate looks, even ran up to me to explain the problem. Sadly I was too busy crying to cooperate in making the possum run. Happily there's been an ample supply of squirrels, rabbits, and deer for her to chase to make up for it.
Maddie had a good last day. She got a bunch of her all-time favorite doggie treats that I was saving. We played a little frisbee. We went on a really long road-trip--I just drove & drove through parks & all over, for about half an hour until she lost interest in sight-seeing (kind of funny, considering how everyone predicted that her cataracts would make her blind & here she is 3 years later taking in the scenery from a car & acting all tough when she sees another dog)--AND she got to sit up front, something she's longed for but was never permitted. Maddie got a lot of hugs & petting. She consoled me & licked my face as I bawled like a baby.
I'm stopping myself now since I'm getting all weepy in the library. It's not even been 24 hours & I miss my dog something awful.
Please take care of yourself and remember all the good times the two of you had together. I'm sure those are the times she is thinking about as well. :) *hugs*
From WhiteShepherd: I'm sorry to hear about Maddie. Dogs become our adopted 'children' and when they pass the pain is from losing a member of your family. Some days we want to strangle them but we always love them and dread their time coming. I'd call if I could but just know I wish you the best in this hard time with the loss of little Maddie.
I feels like someone's chopped off a part of me.