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delirium
15 years ago
This is me venting because I've been really depressed and pissed off in certain ways lately and Im starting to go crazy. you probably shouldn't read this
but its the weekend for antrocon. sadly though, this has been a fact that has made me very depressed. I've cried at least 6 times already and its not even the weekend yet.
The strange thing though is I have bipolar disorder, and it would seem as though when I get really sad, in a couple of hours I will end up becoming extremely happy. This has caused me to cycle through emotions in a strange way that seems to feel crazy and out of control, and although I feel happy at those times, I have no reason to be really happy and it feels uncomfortable.
now before you suddenly think im actually this upset about not going to anthrocon, its not just that. Im not going to anthrocon because my family hates furries. Like all of my family, which is 4 other people. Which really makes me feel outcast. They often talk down on me for it. My mom says that she loves me, though she barely likes anything I do.
Anthrocon coming up besides feeling sad about missing it, makes me feel sad because I think of how lowly I am in my family, my family in which a four year degree in collage is about the minimum standard.
I've been trying to keep my mind of it though so I don't feel so bad. Its hard though because none of my friends are able to hang out with me, primarily because either all my friends are online, or not completly my friends and thus mainly my brothers friends who I hang out with
My friends that I do have personally are all busy. With jobs in such
Which I have been kinda trying to get a job, although i think ive failed. Its too late in the summer and the economy is bad.
My brother went to a week long pagan festival in Missouri. Missouri which is about as far as Pittsburgh. My brother called my dad and I overheard my brother said the pagan society feels like family to him
and my dad said he can accept him for being pagan, which made me cry pretty bad because...I wish my dad loved me for being a furry.
furries in which feel kinda like family
So ive been here at my house for the past 3 or so days, just thinking to myself. Its really gotten me a feeling of hopelessness and being crazy.
I think my family's goal in making me feel like a bad person is starting to work.
everything I am, which is largely furry now im starting to feel bad about.
I want to love my furry self though, it brings me great joy and i feel its who i am, and im sure I wont give it up, I just wish it was easier to love myself for it.
AC is like a home to me. Where people love me for who I am. I wish I could have been there this year.
but its the weekend for antrocon. sadly though, this has been a fact that has made me very depressed. I've cried at least 6 times already and its not even the weekend yet.
The strange thing though is I have bipolar disorder, and it would seem as though when I get really sad, in a couple of hours I will end up becoming extremely happy. This has caused me to cycle through emotions in a strange way that seems to feel crazy and out of control, and although I feel happy at those times, I have no reason to be really happy and it feels uncomfortable.
now before you suddenly think im actually this upset about not going to anthrocon, its not just that. Im not going to anthrocon because my family hates furries. Like all of my family, which is 4 other people. Which really makes me feel outcast. They often talk down on me for it. My mom says that she loves me, though she barely likes anything I do.
Anthrocon coming up besides feeling sad about missing it, makes me feel sad because I think of how lowly I am in my family, my family in which a four year degree in collage is about the minimum standard.
I've been trying to keep my mind of it though so I don't feel so bad. Its hard though because none of my friends are able to hang out with me, primarily because either all my friends are online, or not completly my friends and thus mainly my brothers friends who I hang out with
My friends that I do have personally are all busy. With jobs in such
Which I have been kinda trying to get a job, although i think ive failed. Its too late in the summer and the economy is bad.
My brother went to a week long pagan festival in Missouri. Missouri which is about as far as Pittsburgh. My brother called my dad and I overheard my brother said the pagan society feels like family to him
and my dad said he can accept him for being pagan, which made me cry pretty bad because...I wish my dad loved me for being a furry.
furries in which feel kinda like family
So ive been here at my house for the past 3 or so days, just thinking to myself. Its really gotten me a feeling of hopelessness and being crazy.
I think my family's goal in making me feel like a bad person is starting to work.
everything I am, which is largely furry now im starting to feel bad about.
I want to love my furry self though, it brings me great joy and i feel its who i am, and im sure I wont give it up, I just wish it was easier to love myself for it.
AC is like a home to me. Where people love me for who I am. I wish I could have been there this year.
and i agree with u if ur parents r able to accecpt ur brother being pagan then they should accept u being a furry.
cause i've noticed that u r a lot happier when u get to be with the furry ppl. and like i've told u b4 ur a lot cuter when u smile, i'm sure devon will agree on that. as for friends u can call me dude!!!!!!!! i actually called u earlier today but u haven't returned my call, as for the job thing, i've tried to, i've heard that the dogs and hogs place in dawsonville is hiring. as for the bipolarness, its just "the man's" way of saying ur too creative so lets give u drugs to calm down that creativeness. ppl r just scared cause ur different, and our society is going to be like that for a while longer, but myb someday we can protest the man and make some changes. like if i ever become president i am going to bribe the states in to making gay marriages legall. or however u spell it. also i am happy for no good reason sometimes, and sometimes i am depressed for no good reason, but that's because i have mood swings like ever teen, and boy teens have mood swings to! ur parents should be happy as long as ur happy. cause isn't that the goal of every parent for their child to be happy no matter where life might take them? well *BIG HUGS* those r free i'm ur sista and i care for u hugs so enjoy. I love you turic brother, okay?