I don't really know why but lately my depression has been getting much worse. I have been looking at how I have lived my own life so far...all the mistakes I made have really ruined what I ever used to have of a social life, now I am spending most of my time yelling at my computer...even when I'm hanging out with friends I feel like I'm not all there. I have been looking at the people I have hurt, I need to apologize but I'm not even sure they're going to listen. I am beginning to think if there ever was someone out there for me they have probably killed them self and even if they didn't I am probably not deserving enough to have them. but the biggest thing is if I should even be alive still, I mean I'm in pain all the time, I'm an ass hole and I'm selfish as fuck, there has to be someone more deserving of the extra air, food and space I'm waisting. I'm not going to kill myself, I'm just trying to think of a better way to spend my time and how I should better myself so I'm not a waist.