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Old Days
15 years ago
It's funny - it seems the second I open up the window to begin writing, everything I wanted to say simply vanishes from my mind. Not entirely, not enough to make me no longer feel the urge, or forget how good it felt, but enough to make anything I say seem terribly disappointing in comparison.
I've been working on my Tripartitus Wiki (the bare mention of which reminds me of how few people likely remember it, which I suppose is a little sad for me. However, the important thing is that I never forget - it wasn't created for anyone else), and going over old art and reliving old inspirations has been, for the lack of a better word at the moment, interesting. The characters and their story and art has always been in part a reflection of me and my life, and true to that, they've reminded me of what I've been missing.
Well... Not exactly missing. Things are different than they used to be, and the grass is always greener, hindsight is always 20/20, and so forth. What I mean is... I mentioned previously (in my poll about inspiration and introspection) that living in a period of relative calm, without trying times and emotional drama, seems to have sapped some part of me away. By no means do I wish to return to a state of depression and chaos and need, but those very vital things that kept me going, the things that brought me joy and passion and inspiration, are no longer needed and, in the past years of relative peace, have quietly slipped away. I miss them.
I remind myself, they've changed because I have changed, the gaping needs they filled before have been filled by other good things; I shouldn't be sad, as they will never entirely disappear. I can't complain. But when I look back at old art and remember how it felt, so different from now, it makes me... want. An echo of passion and drive. It's a good thing, but by nature it leaves me aching, just a little.
I'd like to go back and remake some of the old art that I did, up to ten years ago now. If I can only find the time and hang on to those feelings long enough...
I've been working on my Tripartitus Wiki (the bare mention of which reminds me of how few people likely remember it, which I suppose is a little sad for me. However, the important thing is that I never forget - it wasn't created for anyone else), and going over old art and reliving old inspirations has been, for the lack of a better word at the moment, interesting. The characters and their story and art has always been in part a reflection of me and my life, and true to that, they've reminded me of what I've been missing.
Well... Not exactly missing. Things are different than they used to be, and the grass is always greener, hindsight is always 20/20, and so forth. What I mean is... I mentioned previously (in my poll about inspiration and introspection) that living in a period of relative calm, without trying times and emotional drama, seems to have sapped some part of me away. By no means do I wish to return to a state of depression and chaos and need, but those very vital things that kept me going, the things that brought me joy and passion and inspiration, are no longer needed and, in the past years of relative peace, have quietly slipped away. I miss them.
I remind myself, they've changed because I have changed, the gaping needs they filled before have been filled by other good things; I shouldn't be sad, as they will never entirely disappear. I can't complain. But when I look back at old art and remember how it felt, so different from now, it makes me... want. An echo of passion and drive. It's a good thing, but by nature it leaves me aching, just a little.
I'd like to go back and remake some of the old art that I did, up to ten years ago now. If I can only find the time and hang on to those feelings long enough...
Makes me wish someone would invent a mental transcriber. Some kind of machine that writes down your thoughts for you automatically. Even if it didn't work very well and required editing afterwards, I'd still consider it totally worth getting!
I wonder what kind of crazy stuff would appear if you left it running while you sleep...
They should really try to improve those voice recognition programs that translate your words into text because just saying it it a whole ton easier than having to write it all down.
Heh, actually, I'm a lot better at writing than talking. I stutter quite a bit, and, well... just lots of classic failings of speech X3
I have had emotional breakdowns because I got nostalgic over a a pile of trash before. No joke.
But anyways, I hope that you manage to fulfill that aching passion. I'll be rooting for ya.
Trash, eh? What'd it remind you of, if you don't mind me asking? I'm curious now :b
I'm a scavenger-type, I will pick up seemingly useless junk because it seems like a good idea at the time.
I'm also a pack rat, I keep useless things for ages.
However, I can't seemingly remember what memory this sparked.
But, I do sympathize with you on the frustration. I know the feeling of missing my best friend who's moved away, several in fact, but I can't relate to the loss of inspiration. I seem to acquire inspiration, and then am unable to express it properly, and so it leaves, but because I actively tried, I'm not dismayed at it's departure, only at my own failure.
Mmm, yeah, my inspiration has mostly run dry - I can be intellectually stimulated, but it's not the same as having the WANT to draw something, passionately and desperately, that it's less of a want and more of a need.
But I'm familiar with that kind of frustration, too =/ If you take the above example, the desperate urge to create something in your brain and make it real, it can be so painfully disappointing if, after trying to do so, all you get is an utter failure. It's worse than just making a mediocre piece of art, it's like an insult to the original inspiration :b
Thankfully, though, I've never managed to stay too disheartened when it comes to art. Writing, yes, though :b
Yeah, I know how that is, but unfortunately, I was never the artistic type. Art and stuff is, to me, all about creative expression. I'm fairly creative, it's just expressing it that I have trouble with. Just like you, I'll get great ideas in my head, and then when I try to do something with them, it always turns out worse than I expected, and I eventually give up, due to either frustration, or the original idea being so distorted I don't remember what the original goal was. It's rather nice to meet someone who's got the same... um.. "flaws", haha.
Bah, I was never good at art. Or writing, although I'm certainly better at it than writing. I like structure, and support, and I've never been able to get that in my works, they always just come out as jumbled messes. My idea is there, it's just that no one would ever understand it but me.
You put in to words that witch I could never have formulated myself about this sibject. Thank you.
The only difference is I do still feel for them. Just harder to recapture it... but yes, our situation sounds a fair bit alike.