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sober title: drugs are bad.
15 years ago
other title: one last impulse conversion of humanity into a color (before it becomes something i can't stop doing (which is a joke for some and a real potential problem for others))
when stoned, i am White. this is a lot clearer method of figuring this shit out (Yellow) than sobriety is. If Yellow is ADHD then White is ADD. God I gotta stop riffing on this thought. But I won't The four personalities are like four voices in your head.
Being a nerd is being a White. Inability to focus on single things and passively surfing between different weird topics that are interesting to you. Whiteness is slow to arrive at comprehensible reasoning. As a child white I somehow felt so bothered by my differences to everyone else that I actually became Redder and Bluer and Yellower by a noticeable amount, somewhat spontaneously. Though my family .... I am of course biasly glad that Blue got the upper hand in the end, as it's the minority voice I am most comfortable switching to. But he is mostly preoccupied right now. Getting stoned is taking a strong break from the three minority voices from butting in (both positively and negatively, though at both times its unpleasant) and resting in your primary one.
i am privately more Blue. like when I blog. When I feel anonymous. When, as a White, I thing and analyze. But in the physical world I am more White. But now I've been able to intermix the two better.
I restrict my Redness to driving, and my Yellow to ranting and raving about all the Blue and White thoughts I have with no logic to their order. Blue is my internal voice, White my external, and therefore primary. Forget all the other explanations above were about. I mean don't some of them. Haha I am embarrassing myself. I am a jerk. My White wants to write and it has the authority to make it so over Blue, so it can suppress Blue. White and Blue battle. Shit, this shit is the shit what the fuck am I talking about. Yellow (or Red?) cover-up. Blue says Imagine this is a deliberate act to put myself in the mindset to produce whimsical . Who put my Blue in charge of my ability to create? With its useless yammering of collected nuanced memes of the art world. Blue is essentially forcing me to major in art, which White allows since it gets half the control and is putting me through Anthropology, which of course should be a Sociology major but my Whiteness didn't bother researching the different studies of humanity and realizing I'd prefer a different one. I've been lying to myself about it being okay but there's nothing I can do about it. It is against my impulse to forgive so I (Blueness) pretends to myself (the other Three) that I (all Four) did. White is forcing the other three voices in me ... I'm White because I use the four color theory like action figures.
But under these Four voices, there is the real me. I am too scared to read the craziness I just spouted out, but too ...
When I am stoned I think faster than other people. More thoughts, more competing ideas, ... I feel embarrassed to say something so prideful. I think I have ADD.
My Whiteness is seen as a problem in American society. Do my female friends like and put up with me because ... of insincere reasons. of attraction. Oh God now I've made myself feel alone. How self-deprecating of me. I just realized how weird it must be for me to be converting colors into adjectives in the eyes of those who don't know The Color Code.
Positive, white interpretation of Blue "discovery" (spontaneous thought that are sometimes "naturally : Friendship is merely neutered sexual attraction. It's appeasing others
Sexuality, attraction, the pursuit of individual happiness is how the body intuitively distracts the mind from realizing that it is in fact very simple and exists only to do the bidding of the mind. The mind is the slave to the body. The body is the genes, the DNA that wants to exist, and like a little god it created the existences of souls to be trapped and exploited like slaves. Souls get their wages when the body does something necessary to make more bodies (why masturbation is pleasurable, it's robbing pleasure from the body). The so-called useless code of DNA is actually the code of the mind. Spontaneous color dominance. I was born with two powerful color allies, and they cracked the code to being "human" Hue. Man.
Our consciousness developed when we were able to develop interests outside of our biological imperatives to such a degree that we burst free from their totalized grasp over us. Now we are free enough to voice our pain over our bonds to emotions and
Animals are organisms that mutated to produce souls of various sizes in order to make chances of reproduction more possible. Plants only have the soul of the body, which is perhaps related to how they can use sunlight, fortuitously (for those who like living)
I am clearly a pessimist, as an optimist sees it an utmost privilege to be alive, even as a slave to the body it's in, but neither my Blue or White see it that way. But they will work on it because it seems more pleasurable for the soul.
from the little bit I've learned about Scientology, this is all similar. it makes me feel sick. Tom Cruise and that other guy are both secretly gay. Gays know.
I feel alone all the time because (I feel) like everyone else is a slave to their impulses, and I can see them struggle. My Blue wants to help but can only do so much. So I prefer complicated people because even if they're struggling... I feel even sicker. I am a horrible mean person on the inside. I don't know I really like anyone right now. Maybe gay guys are made gay because they mutate too much intelligence so they are given sexual impulses that are inverted, in an attempt to alienate and stifle them. And women were given more biological weight in importance so they had to be created slightly more intelligent, but this is generally insufficient to
(it's funny the title of this document is quite the retroactive lie)
No, i'm going to go with Blue's bullshit story and say that this is all merely artistic thinking.
In my head I am repeating "I am separate from everything."
And i mean the four voices, the metal in my mouth, my desires, my thoughts, this cage of a body, this bullshit of a universe. My tics are the small cracks as I get close to fleeing this body. Death is a release from the confines of the body. Once you die you still exist in an ether of thoughts, in pure bliss. Bodies feed off of this collective unconscious to make temporary souls to make themselves, as bodies, reproduce. Like
The material world wants to be complex, and the spiritual world wants to be simple. Spiritual world = collective unconscious. pure bliss.
Scientology is wrong and a malicous middleman trick to block people from realizing there is no evil betrayer of us... and then I believe again.
(i'm mostly sober but i really should get to sleep.)
when stoned, i am White. this is a lot clearer method of figuring this shit out (Yellow) than sobriety is. If Yellow is ADHD then White is ADD. God I gotta stop riffing on this thought. But I won't The four personalities are like four voices in your head.
Being a nerd is being a White. Inability to focus on single things and passively surfing between different weird topics that are interesting to you. Whiteness is slow to arrive at comprehensible reasoning. As a child white I somehow felt so bothered by my differences to everyone else that I actually became Redder and Bluer and Yellower by a noticeable amount, somewhat spontaneously. Though my family .... I am of course biasly glad that Blue got the upper hand in the end, as it's the minority voice I am most comfortable switching to. But he is mostly preoccupied right now. Getting stoned is taking a strong break from the three minority voices from butting in (both positively and negatively, though at both times its unpleasant) and resting in your primary one.
i am privately more Blue. like when I blog. When I feel anonymous. When, as a White, I thing and analyze. But in the physical world I am more White. But now I've been able to intermix the two better.
I restrict my Redness to driving, and my Yellow to ranting and raving about all the Blue and White thoughts I have with no logic to their order. Blue is my internal voice, White my external, and therefore primary. Forget all the other explanations above were about. I mean don't some of them. Haha I am embarrassing myself. I am a jerk. My White wants to write and it has the authority to make it so over Blue, so it can suppress Blue. White and Blue battle. Shit, this shit is the shit what the fuck am I talking about. Yellow (or Red?) cover-up. Blue says Imagine this is a deliberate act to put myself in the mindset to produce whimsical . Who put my Blue in charge of my ability to create? With its useless yammering of collected nuanced memes of the art world. Blue is essentially forcing me to major in art, which White allows since it gets half the control and is putting me through Anthropology, which of course should be a Sociology major but my Whiteness didn't bother researching the different studies of humanity and realizing I'd prefer a different one. I've been lying to myself about it being okay but there's nothing I can do about it. It is against my impulse to forgive so I (Blueness) pretends to myself (the other Three) that I (all Four) did. White is forcing the other three voices in me ... I'm White because I use the four color theory like action figures.
But under these Four voices, there is the real me. I am too scared to read the craziness I just spouted out, but too ...
When I am stoned I think faster than other people. More thoughts, more competing ideas, ... I feel embarrassed to say something so prideful. I think I have ADD.
My Whiteness is seen as a problem in American society. Do my female friends like and put up with me because ... of insincere reasons. of attraction. Oh God now I've made myself feel alone. How self-deprecating of me. I just realized how weird it must be for me to be converting colors into adjectives in the eyes of those who don't know The Color Code.
Positive, white interpretation of Blue "discovery" (spontaneous thought that are sometimes "naturally : Friendship is merely neutered sexual attraction. It's appeasing others
Sexuality, attraction, the pursuit of individual happiness is how the body intuitively distracts the mind from realizing that it is in fact very simple and exists only to do the bidding of the mind. The mind is the slave to the body. The body is the genes, the DNA that wants to exist, and like a little god it created the existences of souls to be trapped and exploited like slaves. Souls get their wages when the body does something necessary to make more bodies (why masturbation is pleasurable, it's robbing pleasure from the body). The so-called useless code of DNA is actually the code of the mind. Spontaneous color dominance. I was born with two powerful color allies, and they cracked the code to being "human" Hue. Man.
Our consciousness developed when we were able to develop interests outside of our biological imperatives to such a degree that we burst free from their totalized grasp over us. Now we are free enough to voice our pain over our bonds to emotions and
Animals are organisms that mutated to produce souls of various sizes in order to make chances of reproduction more possible. Plants only have the soul of the body, which is perhaps related to how they can use sunlight, fortuitously (for those who like living)
I am clearly a pessimist, as an optimist sees it an utmost privilege to be alive, even as a slave to the body it's in, but neither my Blue or White see it that way. But they will work on it because it seems more pleasurable for the soul.
from the little bit I've learned about Scientology, this is all similar. it makes me feel sick. Tom Cruise and that other guy are both secretly gay. Gays know.
I feel alone all the time because (I feel) like everyone else is a slave to their impulses, and I can see them struggle. My Blue wants to help but can only do so much. So I prefer complicated people because even if they're struggling... I feel even sicker. I am a horrible mean person on the inside. I don't know I really like anyone right now. Maybe gay guys are made gay because they mutate too much intelligence so they are given sexual impulses that are inverted, in an attempt to alienate and stifle them. And women were given more biological weight in importance so they had to be created slightly more intelligent, but this is generally insufficient to
(it's funny the title of this document is quite the retroactive lie)
No, i'm going to go with Blue's bullshit story and say that this is all merely artistic thinking.
In my head I am repeating "I am separate from everything."
And i mean the four voices, the metal in my mouth, my desires, my thoughts, this cage of a body, this bullshit of a universe. My tics are the small cracks as I get close to fleeing this body. Death is a release from the confines of the body. Once you die you still exist in an ether of thoughts, in pure bliss. Bodies feed off of this collective unconscious to make temporary souls to make themselves, as bodies, reproduce. Like
The material world wants to be complex, and the spiritual world wants to be simple. Spiritual world = collective unconscious. pure bliss.
Scientology is wrong and a malicous middleman trick to block people from realizing there is no evil betrayer of us... and then I believe again.
(i'm mostly sober but i really should get to sleep.)
