@ +70 degrees
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
In Michigan, people go swimming in the lakes.

@ +60 degrees
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

@ +50 degrees
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

@ +40 degrees
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

@ +32 degrees
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan water gets thicker.

@ +20 degrees
Floridians wear coats, underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

@ +15 degrees
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

@ +10 degrees
People in Miami all die.
People from Michigan lick a flagpole.

@ 0 degrees
Californians fly to Mexico.
People in Michigan look for their winter coats.

@ -20 degrees
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

@ -60 degrees
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Michigan Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes...
until it gets cold enough.

@ -80 degrees
Mount St. Helen's freezes.
People in Michigan rent some videos.

@ -100 degrees
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganians get frustrated because they can't thaw a keg.

@ -297 degrees
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

@ -460 degrees
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Michigan start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

@ -500 degrees
Hell freezes over.
The Lions win the Super Bowl!