I looked up the average life expectancy and thought I would share what I thought about the whole thing, even if it doesn't particularly matter to people.

The average life expectancy in America is 77.9 years.

As anyone that is reading this has started their life they can look at that statistic and subtract the amount of years they've already spent in the world to see what they have left if they followed the average trend.

When I looked at the stat I realized I had already used 17.5 of my years and I realized I didn't spend them very well. I spent most of middle school angry with everyone, extremely mean to everything that crossed my path, and even upset with myself. However, high school has gotten progressively better, when I reached freshman year I'd gotten medication as well as a new view on life thanks to a very influential teacher I had. I learned not to be so angry and ornery with everyone because it didn't do you any favors and you were hurting people who most of the time were trying to be good to you. I'm seventeen, a half, and several days now and things have changed even more now as I start my senior year and I think of it has a lot to do with the hobbies I took up, like reading, doing crosswords, going to concerts, and doing more outdoor sports.

At one concert I was talking to the singer afterwords and he remarked to me that if you weren't open minded in 2010 you were fucked. He believed very strongly that while you could have your own opinions, that didn't mean you were necessarily right which also meant you couldn't tell someone else they were wrong in what they think. Another thing he told me was that he's found that there are so many negative people in the world and ones that want to speak badly about everything that doesn't pique their interest. And I'm not saying he was encouraging unrealistic optimism, but he was asserting that you have to take things with a grain of salt. You might not care for something but that doesn't mean it's the worst thing in the world. It also means that you have to handle conflict differently if it arises, what he'd found worked best was just settling that you disagree, because you don't have to agree with people all the time. I'm suggesting far from that actually, but whether you disagree or not, you have to have an open enough mind to say that maybe they're right and if that is what they believe then that's that. It was something not new to me and I'd already accepted the idea that others opinions could be right to them and that I was no more assuredly right than they were, however it made me think that no matter what I would try not to insult people from then on, I could give criticism over actions, but only of the constructive sort.

For those in high school you know what it's like to be talked about behind your back or to your face or insulted in any manner and it hurts. It really hurts and I think when you insult people you open yourself up for more of that hurt in retaliation. Thing about how much of your time in your lifespan thus far has been devoted to arguments or fights. Was it worth it? Or in the end did one of you always get hurt? Did it last a long time only to just be ignored and moved on from? Was it worth it; I'll ask that again. Why call people names? If you're just bluntly describing for reference you just describe appearance, but is calling someone something like whale with intent to harm helpful? In the vast scope of nearly 78 years, do you really think that calling someone that name will effect you positively so much so that you forget you're just wasting your time and hurting someone and making their time bad? Is there some sense of satisfaction that comes from making someone cry? Next time you say something horrible, imagine it was being said to you and how you'd react. Why inflict that pain on anyone? It's just, any feud will eventually end and unless it is lifelong and you want that to define you then it only is something temporary and all it did was waste time and make your life and someone else more miserable for a while.

Do you want to spend your life upset, or would you rather it be filled with things that make it worth it? There's no huge meaning to life in my mind other than to live, and anything that stops that and is avoidable should in my mind be avoided.
I will always fiercely defend my friends, but in the end, I can never hate people for someone, I can criticize how a situation is handled and how childish something is, but I cant resort to using names at all because I don't want to waste my life ever.

A few things:
I don't really like rap, but I'll listen to it and not insult it or make those listening to it feel uncomfortable, because I understand some of the musical merit and can analyze the lyrics like anything else.
I'm not a big fan of some bands, whether it's because of the vocals, or the talent as far as instruments go, I still will listen if someone wants me too, no one starts out perfect and it takes a lot to put yourself out there.
Art is something I really love, but I know I fail at certain things, my anatomy leaves much to be desired and while I can notice errors on other pieces of art, know that I recognize it in my own and if I mention it is is only to help improvement, not to show you up or anything.
I cuss like a sailor despite a calm disposition. This isn't super special, but people find it funny, I have a loud voice and love expletives despite having an extensive vocabulary. In the end I really just like how the words sound, and if my cussing ever offends you, I just need to be told and I'll very easily calm it down as I know some people get uncomfortable with it.

This journal is pretty much for personal reflection on how I've changed and also about some stuff I've been seeing written in this book that seniors fill out for each person at my school. I should never have to white out something written about another so that they don't burst into tears at school.

☮ Peace