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jokes i like part 14
15 years ago
put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued
together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me .
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the
wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
It's fun to cook for Tom . Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So
I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the
rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it
improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare
ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me
why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl
and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I
got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius..
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
exciting week! I'm eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new
recipe on Tom . If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like
to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
A Texas woodpecker and a New Mexico woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
The Texas woodpecker said Texas had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The New Mexico woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Texas woodpecker was amazed.
The New Mexico woodpecker then challenged the Texas woodpecker to peck a tree in New Mexico that was absolutely im-peck-able (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Texas woodpecker expressed confidence, said he could do it and accepted the challenge.
So the two flew to New Mexico where the Texas woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called im-peck-able tree with no problem.
Both woodpeckers were terribly confused. How is it that the New Mexico woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree and the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the New Mexico tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own state?? Huh?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:......
Apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued
together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me .
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the
wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
It's fun to cook for Tom . Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So
I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the
rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it
improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare
ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me
why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl
and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I
got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius..
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
exciting week! I'm eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new
recipe on Tom . If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like
to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
A Texas woodpecker and a New Mexico woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
The Texas woodpecker said Texas had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The New Mexico woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Texas woodpecker was amazed.
The New Mexico woodpecker then challenged the Texas woodpecker to peck a tree in New Mexico that was absolutely im-peck-able (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Texas woodpecker expressed confidence, said he could do it and accepted the challenge.
So the two flew to New Mexico where the Texas woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called im-peck-able tree with no problem.
Both woodpeckers were terribly confused. How is it that the New Mexico woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree and the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the New Mexico tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own state?? Huh?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:......
Apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
Oh, and while (for once) deleting my notifications earlier I noticed you skipped Part 9.
Don't know why I'm mentioning it, for all I know it could have been intentional...
Though i can't see what the purpose would be...
I DON'T KNOW! JUST SAYIN'!