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hrrrrgrrrrustrated
15 years ago
i'm absent
here's a rant
pls disregard
work is kicking my ass, and i'm becoming completely reclusive. i want to talk to people, i want to talk to everybody, but i just don't. even the internet exhausts me. i've been going days without touching the computer.
i hate my job. i spend it around crackheads that scare me and trashy parents that swear at their children. it's the kind of job that feels endless. even when i go home, i haven't accomplished anything. the curse of retail, i guess. i'm one of three supervisors- nobody can cover my shifts if i need it. i have been going to work sick for a straight week, and i still have four days of eight-hour shifts before i can catch a day's rest. my head hurts.
and i'm expected to catch and stop shoplifters. i am twenty-one, i am small, i am female, i am terrified of the strung-out men who come in and steal bags full of stuff. hire a fucking security guard. i'm not down for getting shanked by a crackhead over your shit merchandise.
emotionally i'm confused, and physically i'm exhausted. i cry all the time, and when i'm not crying i'm sleeping. i take naps constantly, i feel isolated from my friends and family, and while this kind of emotional turmoil usually makes for my best artwork i can't seem to convince myself to pick up a pen right now! it's absolute shit.
it must be the autumn. i always get depressed as soon as i'm not basking in sunlight every day. i need to live closer to the equator.
here's a rant
pls disregard
work is kicking my ass, and i'm becoming completely reclusive. i want to talk to people, i want to talk to everybody, but i just don't. even the internet exhausts me. i've been going days without touching the computer.
i hate my job. i spend it around crackheads that scare me and trashy parents that swear at their children. it's the kind of job that feels endless. even when i go home, i haven't accomplished anything. the curse of retail, i guess. i'm one of three supervisors- nobody can cover my shifts if i need it. i have been going to work sick for a straight week, and i still have four days of eight-hour shifts before i can catch a day's rest. my head hurts.
and i'm expected to catch and stop shoplifters. i am twenty-one, i am small, i am female, i am terrified of the strung-out men who come in and steal bags full of stuff. hire a fucking security guard. i'm not down for getting shanked by a crackhead over your shit merchandise.
emotionally i'm confused, and physically i'm exhausted. i cry all the time, and when i'm not crying i'm sleeping. i take naps constantly, i feel isolated from my friends and family, and while this kind of emotional turmoil usually makes for my best artwork i can't seem to convince myself to pick up a pen right now! it's absolute shit.
it must be the autumn. i always get depressed as soon as i'm not basking in sunlight every day. i need to live closer to the equator.
come to think of it i do have vitamin d supplements but i've been skimping on them lately.. from today i think i'll start taking them more regularly. stupidly, i hadn't even thought of that :P
Where the hell do you work that they expect you to catch shoplifters?! Most places deem that danger for the employee - I've always been instructed to just let it go if you see it happening. The "No Hero" policy is thankfully, pretty strong where I work.
I feel really bad that you have to push yourself like that - I have a tough time kicking smokers off the patio.. Let alone stopping shoplifters or crackheads.
I wish I could do more than just send bundles of love your way, but I'm tryin' ;-; If its any consolation, I have the utmost faith in balance... I'm sure the good times are just around the corner, to help make up for this shitfest <3
this is the best part- i work at a dollar store.
that's where i work that they expect me to put myself between the door and a grown man stealing cases of chocolate. i mostly neglect that area of my duties though anyway, it's too terrifying! even if nothing immediate happens, i have a half-hour walk home in the dark, all by my lonesome. since they have nothing to do but skulk around the same area all day and i'm pretty easy to recognize from a distance (the haiiiir it's a dead giveaway), i don't want to piss anybody off.
thanks for the well wishin', i believe in balance too so i'm hoping for the scales to even out soon <3 <3
The suggestion of getting vitamin D is a good one. I get more depressed when there's less sun too and for a while my doctor had me taking four times the recommended dosage for vitamin D.
I tend to withdraw and not interact with my friends and family when I'm really depressed too, But it helps if you can talk to them. I have a couple of friends who I can depend on to just listen to me babble about nonsense when I'm especially crazy. You have to avoid the people who aren't sympathetic, though.
but then, i don't feel like i've ever spoken to one that "got" me, so to speak.
a friend suggested a meditation teacher to me a couple of days ago, so i think i might look into that, as it sounds more my pace :)
i can relate very well to persistent depression and waiting to "just get over it". by nature i believe i am an optimist, because i can see and love the bright side of everything, but sometimes i just can't feel it. it's good to know i'm not odd or alone feeling this way, though, and i'm very encouraged and happy to know that things are looking up for you as well
thank you
<3
Meditation is awesome. Also, eating well and exercising helps with depression too. Yoga is an excellent combination of exercise and meditation.
You are so not alone! Hell, even my grandpa is depressed. I hope things are getting better for you too.