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Asexuality vs Demisexuality
15 years ago
General
Inconveniently evil.
Asexuality - The lack of sexual attraction to either gender.
Demisexuality - The lack of sexual attraction to either gender UNTIL a romantic bond has been formed (you see this more often, such as with people who can literally only have sex with one person in their life).
A-Romanticism - The lack of desire for a romantic relationship.
I was searching on AVEN just now and I came across this really interesting thread regarding asexuality and demisexuality. This is a personal topic I have been contemplating hard lately and really thinking about, so this was good timing.
"...My pet theory is that there exists a real qualitative difference between the cause of romantic and aromantic asexuality. It could be that most aromantic asexuals are in fact predisposed to be demisexual. But how would they know? To an aromantic, asexuality and demisexuality produce the exact same results..."
I think this is incredibly possible and I may even be such the case as this. I don't know and I can't say. I don't know if I will ever be able to say for sure. I'm glad someone brought up this point. It is a very good point, after all.
How would I know if I was demisexual unless I was romantic with someone? But how would I be romantic if I am a-romantic and never give relationships a chance? It's a catch 22 almost for us a-romantic asexuals. We'll never know unless something just happens, but that hardly ever happens at all.
I very well could be demisexual. The thought of more of a "life buddy" or "hetero-romantic friendship" is more comfortable for me, though... especially if he had his own damned place (I really do need to live alone). If I began to feel deep romantic feelings for this person, I could discover I am in fact a demisexual. Part of me has been wanting to research this, actually. It makes me really curious. The scientist in me is jumping up and down like a ditzy school girl.
Or maybe I'm not and I am an a-romantic asexual.
Either way, it's neat to think about.
Demisexuality - The lack of sexual attraction to either gender UNTIL a romantic bond has been formed (you see this more often, such as with people who can literally only have sex with one person in their life).
A-Romanticism - The lack of desire for a romantic relationship.
I was searching on AVEN just now and I came across this really interesting thread regarding asexuality and demisexuality. This is a personal topic I have been contemplating hard lately and really thinking about, so this was good timing.
"...My pet theory is that there exists a real qualitative difference between the cause of romantic and aromantic asexuality. It could be that most aromantic asexuals are in fact predisposed to be demisexual. But how would they know? To an aromantic, asexuality and demisexuality produce the exact same results..."
I think this is incredibly possible and I may even be such the case as this. I don't know and I can't say. I don't know if I will ever be able to say for sure. I'm glad someone brought up this point. It is a very good point, after all.
How would I know if I was demisexual unless I was romantic with someone? But how would I be romantic if I am a-romantic and never give relationships a chance? It's a catch 22 almost for us a-romantic asexuals. We'll never know unless something just happens, but that hardly ever happens at all.
I very well could be demisexual. The thought of more of a "life buddy" or "hetero-romantic friendship" is more comfortable for me, though... especially if he had his own damned place (I really do need to live alone). If I began to feel deep romantic feelings for this person, I could discover I am in fact a demisexual. Part of me has been wanting to research this, actually. It makes me really curious. The scientist in me is jumping up and down like a ditzy school girl.
Or maybe I'm not and I am an a-romantic asexual.
Either way, it's neat to think about.
but thoughtfully interesting
Asexuality is an orientation. X3
I pretty much knew I was a demisexual since I felt 0 attraction to people sexually, but I still wanted to find a life partner to live with. I enjoy being alone, but I know that I would be happier in the long run with someone I could get close to and share life with. :) I only feel attracted to my boyfriend. I can look at a parade of what people tell me are sexy men and women and feel nothing for them still.
See, I don't want to find that life partner. At least not now. Maybe if I found "Finley," so to speak, then maybe I would. I don't know. It's possible. I just have to keep an open-mind. Right now the thought of sharing my home seems utterly horrendous.
I doubt I'll never tell my family that I'm asexual just for the reason that "what if" I fall in love with someone one day and want to be with them? Then I'd have to hear my whole life "I thought you were asexual...." and the taunting OH the taunting! Lol.
I will still let my mom believe that I'm Muslim, too because after all my religious searchingtons over the years, I don't want to hear the shit about " I knew that was just a phase..."
So I guess I just mean to say good luck, lol. But I know you're going to catch hell if you end up with someone because I know your family (or how you talk about them)... they'll all be like "See, I TOLD you that you just needed to meet the right guy." LOL.
Still, it helps me to figure my own self out, and that is all I really care about.
Yeah, I hate when people say those "I told you so's." They aren't fair. HELL YEAH my family would say that! LMAO!!!! Uh uh. I'd just never do an introducington! LMAO
And it didn't happen right away. We were friends for quite awhile until I realized I liked him that way. Which was strange... sure, when I was growing up I wanted to get married and have children, but it was more because I knew I wanted children and the general traditional belief I was raised in was that you get married and then have kids. At one point in my teen years I'd decided that there was a good possibility I would artificially-inseminate myself to have children when I hit 25-30 years old since I was fairly sure at the time that I wouldn't be in a relationship since they didn't interest me. Buuuuuut then I met this guy, and now I'm waiting on his lazy ass to be ready for kids so I can HAVE MY BABIES DAMMIT!!!
I'm learning more about sexuality every day...
XD I hope you get your babies! 400 BABIES! :D
But that's just me. :)
http://www.moillusions.com/2006/05/.....illusions.html
He's fantastic!!! 8D
Where do you work? ^___^
I want to work at a library. :( I used to work at the school library when I was in high school and I loved it. XD
I used to be a library assistant at my high school, it was great. :3
Straight
Gay
Bi
Pansexual
Asexual
Demisexual
... that's about it I think.
I'm not sure I could read that whole thing with a whole day at my disposal...
I don't really take much stock in lables. I'm in love with a guy but I'm sexually attracted to women as well but I dont really think that I could see myself dating a girl at this point in my life. What am I? Bisexual? A gay bi-curious? Homoflexible? I honestly don't care. Whatever I am its working out for me fine, y'know?
XD
*is asexual and not really in a romantic relationship*
this is not meant to offend if the above applies to you.. im just very curious and really want to know more so as to understand a different view of life then my own
any input you might have id be quite interested to hear
Asexuality is an orientation. The active definition is someone who lacks sexual attraction to either gender. What makes someone asexual is the same as what makes someone gay or straight or whatever. Yes, it develops because it is an orientation like the others, but developing suddenly sounds more like a possible trauma (whether recent or in the past and it is now coming up in her mind) or a medical condition. Possibly a hormonal shift?
I'd be happy to provide any input I can from my own life experience with asexuality. I remember feeling this way even as a child... moreso than I should have.
Some asexuals are just asexuals because it is an actual orientation. Others are asexual due to other reasons.
I guess it just goes to show that people are.. well people.. individuals, and cant truly be categorized or defined
now mind you I am a romantic fool for the right person - and that one i will be intimate with. i just dont see the point in such with someone i dont love.
human sexuality is so odd . it really is.
Typically, my attractions have mostly been towards men rather than women, but there have been exceptions in the past. I did have a crush on a girl when I was younger, but to put things in perspective, I was on vacation, a long ways away from home, never met this girl before, and likely would never have seen her again.
Right now, there's a friend who I've had an attraction to for a while. There is a physical element to it, and I've known him for well over half my life now. It's difficult for me to say whether I truly have romantic feelings for him, or if it's just the combination of our friendship with my attraction; the other thing though, is that with him, I feel I have a certain compatibility that I haven't found in anyone else, and I think that's a very important factor with a relationship.
He knows the position I'm in, and he doesn't seem perturbed by the fact, so I dunno. Here's to wishful thinking. =P
I can see how it can be hard to discover if the demisexual thing is in effect if you're aromantic. I have no real experience with either, since I'm a romantic asexual, but I'm able to wrap my brain around it.
But I am excited to see if you continue to research/explore this. It's great to see how other asexuals wander through the What If's and the How So's.
interestingly enough i went through an "asexual" phase about three or four years ago for a good long while - about a year. i'd actually been in a romantic, sexual relationship with the same guy (my very first boyfriend) for a few years but i just kept getting more and more fed up with the sex. i still liked him, still wanted to spend my life with him, but the sex just drove me crazy. my sex-drive dropped off the face of the planet and i was pretty positive that i was asexual - so positive that we even had discussions on how to bring in a third person for him, since he wasn't feeling asexual.
long story short; turns out i was just in the wrong relationship. i guess for me, being in a "bad" relationship (it wasn't bad per ce, just not the right one) just flips a switch and i turn asexual. as soon as we broke up the switch got turned again and i'm back to my old, regularly-horny, pansexual self. (it's interesting to note that most of my life i was "sexualophobic" until i met this guy and was in love for a while and started having sex. as soon as i fell "out of love" i felt asexual; back in love again and i'm pansexual. so in my mind, your partner can make all the difference in the world.)
ha! i guess that's two opposite ends of the same spectrum, but what i'm trying to say is: don't let yourself be fooled, sometimes all you do need is the "right one" to make you feel all those warm-tingleys (or in my case, lack thereof.)
Like, I don't really feel a *need* to have sex, and I never notice someone being attractive or sexy unless I'm actively looking to get turned on. Like my sexuality has a switch that I can flip on and off whenever. So I'm still not completely sure what that would be called.
Yeah yeah, I know "labels are for jam jars" and all that, but it'd still be kinda nice I could explain these things about myself in less than 15 minutes.
I suppose it's a very rude and blunt question, but you don't need to respond it. It's just to help myself talk further. Do you ever get sexual pleasure yourself? I mean, imagining /something/, whatever it is, and while using self-estimulation?
If any of those question is a 'yes' then I'd say that you just need to find for the 'right someone' for you to discover a whole new world of both romantic and sexual sensations. Then you will forget about that 'I want to live alone' thing and stuff.
Theeeeeen again, as long as you're happy with whatever your condition is and you don't miss anything, then it's great for you! :) People can live without sex whatsover, many people even make of it a choice. There's so much more to life than sex! :P
I disagree with the third paragraph, though. :) It doesn't work like that.
I do agree that there is more to life than sex. :D Like my writing! <3 And my rehearsing my manuscripts! And my painting! All of which I need isolation for. XD
Xhosa, you're romantic in some respects, more towards ideas and emotions than sex. Your characters sound like they're demisexual. I think you'll find a person who shares similar enough views on sexuality and romance that one or both of you will adjust views to be together. You know, if it is true that there's only one right person, then one person getting married to the wrong person would wreck marriage for everyone. I think that there's more than one person out there who wants to be with you, both sexually and romantically. Hence the responses to the Xhosa sex commission.
YEAH< THE MAJORITY OF MY CHARACTERS ARE DEMISEXUAL >>> THAT IS BECAUSE THE ONLY SEXUAL PLEASURE I GET IS THINKING ABOUT THEM HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE :D
I DON"T KNOW IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE WHO COULD EVER BE COMPATIBLE WITH ME >>> I"M SO HARD TO BE COMPATIBLE WITH BECAUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY THE MOST FICKLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
AWWW>>> IS THAT WHY PEOPLE COMMISSIONED THOSE? ^_________________________________________________^
I didn't know there was a word for that sort of attraction before this journal. Yay new word!
That said, I think you could have a-romanticism without being asexual. A-romanticism doesn't say anything against causal sex, after all.