I tried to post this as a poll on deviantArt, but it turned out perhaps more awkward than useful. Anyway...

I was interested in people's opinion and value of family.

Some people feel strongly that family should have a role in everything they do in life - an influence on where they choose to live, who they choose to marry, what career they choose to pursue - and that this is a special obligation, that those who ignore the obligation of family are somehow bad people or otherwise abnormal. These people would go to the ends of the Earth to protect a sibling who was cruel to them, or to love their alcoholic father who beat them.

Others feel equally strongly that family should not get special treatment or consideration - these people would see no problem in turning their back on their abusive alcoholic father, feeling they owe him no special favour. They feel that being family does not mean you must love and care for a person who hurt and abused you, just because they're family.

What do you think?

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I should note that I'd like to distinguish "family" from "offspring" - there is a much stronger and practical obligation to care for one's young than there is for one's sister or uncle. So I'm not talking about how you treat/value your kids, but more your parents/grandparents/siblings/cousins.

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In my personal opinion, as one person so aptly put it: "it's a mutual respect thing, not demanding respect just because you are a family member." I don't think that a person should be obligated to unconditionally love their family, simply because they're legally, technically, or genetically family, and to owe them special favour and treatment and value their opinions, JUST because they're family.

I have great admiration and respect for families that are close, happy, loving, and functional. However, it bothers me when someone says, "You should love your sister, you should protect her" ... even if your sister is a terrible person. Why? "Because she's family." To me, that is not inherent justification. I'm not being mean, or cruel, or cold. I just don't understand how being one's sister logically obligates a sibling to like a person who is otherwise entirely dislikeable. Why should you love a father who abused and raped you as a child? "Because he's family?" Why does being legally or genetically related to someone mean you can be the biggest, cruelest asshole in the world, but your family still "has" to love you?

Maybe I'm missing something, but I just don't get it.

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The best explanation I could come up with when discussing this with my boyfriend was that humans are still genetically inclined to feel a sense of obligation towards family, to inherently value family more than others.

Normally, a species adapts to changes in environment because the environment inflicts selective pressure upon the species. It is different with humans, however. Instead, humans are capable of changing their environment around themselves, rather than the environment influencing humans, and so human evolution is largely... behind, you might say.

So we're still essentially genetically programmed like our primitive ancestors, struggling to survive. We lived in tight-knit familial groups, because on our own, we died. We needed each other to survive, and the family unit was our life.

Today, however, life is vastly different, yet our genes are still telling us, "Family is important. Value your family. You need your family." And many societies, especially Eastern cultures, still circulate strongly around the wellbeing of the family as a whole.

There's nothing WRONG with that, really. My real big qualm is...

WHY is "because he's family" a truly legitimate excuse today for loving your abusive father who raped you? Some people would go so far as to say you even SHOULD love him. But WHY? In today's world, what sense does that make? Why do people still value familial obligation and unconditional love so strongly, even in cases of abuse?

I just don't get it.