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The ultimate con meme
15 years ago
Because I just couldn't help myself...
Where are you staying during the con?
A) Inside my car
B) In a dumpster behind the local 7-Eleven
C) In a room with several people I've never even seen before
D) What do you mean "hotels cost money"?
E) Other (Please specify)
F) In a hotel room I hope
What day are you arriving there?
A) Whenever this weirdo who picked me up decides to drop me off there, I guess
B) I live here! I've been here since the last con!
C) Skateboarding across 8 state lines is harder than I thought
D) I'm going to arrive a week before the con and just hang around out front
E) Other (Please specify)
F) As soon as this piece of shit car gets me there
What day do you plan on leaving?
A) I'm never going to leave. This is my home now
B) The day they disconnect my Wi-Fi
C) Spent all my money so I can't afford the trip back home
D) Thought I'd hang out for a few days and enjoy the rockin' parties and hot babes. This'll be my first con, why do you ask?
E) Other (Please specify)
F) When the convention is over
How long will you be there?
A) Until they pry my cold dead fingers from the free internet connection
B) Until they call the cops on me
C) I'll leave when I see my face on a milk carton
D) Year-round!
E) Other (Please specify)
F) I don't wanna go back to reality-land! That place sucks!
Who will you be with?
A) Just me. By myself. Like always. Sigh...
B) Hopefully with a bunch of hot women!
C) Some greasy dude with a bad rash and hacking cough named "Dragon Nutsicle"
D) A bunch of socially awkward misfits I met while RPing online. They seem legit...
E) My imaginary best friend Twinkle.
F) As many plush animals as I can stuff into my pants
What is your gender?
A) Male
B) Female
C) Not sure
D) Some sexual affiliation I made up to feel better about my ongoing virginity
E) Other (Please specify)
F) Eunich
How old are you?
A) I'm a tween who loves Twilight and sparkledogs and werewolves!
B) I'm a jaded high schooler who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and no one understands my pain
C) I'm a 20-something perpetual student in college studying to become a video game designer, just like everybody else
D) I'm old enough to know better
E) I'm a crotchety pervert who attends these cons looking for fresh meat
F) Other (Please specify)
How tall are you?
A) Under 4 feet tall
B) Under 5 feet tall
C) Between 5 feet and 6 feet tall
D) Between 6 feet and 7 feet tall
E) I'm a shape-shifting dragon herm taur who is as large as a planet
F) Other (Please specify)
How much do you weigh?
A) About 55 pounds soaking wet
B) I'm about normal for my age and height
C) Small objects orbit me
D) Did you see the floor buckle just now?
E) Jesus, I never thought iron girders would just snap like that
F) Other (Please specify)
What will you be wearing?
A) A mascot costume I stole last night from the local school sports team
B) A Dixie cup. And nothing else
C) Forty pounds of make-up, hair coloring, collars and costume crap I bought at Hot Topic
D) Clothes, I hope.
E) A costume I made out of the old trunk carpeting from my dad's rusted-out 1948 Ford
F) A costume I just spent 6 years worth of income on
Are you an artist?
A) I reference and trace, but all the old masters did that too
B) I am capable of holding large crayons and twirling them spastically on a sheet of paper
C) Yeah, I draw for fun and/or business
D) As long as I have Google Images on hand, a laptop, and Photoshop, then yes, I am an artist
E) I write, but that's sort of the same thing
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I touch you?
A) Please do. No one has ever touched me before
B) Depends. Do you have an aversion to grease?
C) Do that and I'll scream rape
D) Do that and I'll scream for more
E) Only if you've grown tired of life
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I drag my nuts across your chin?
A) How many times am I going to get asked this question at this con?
B) Only if I can reciprocate
C) Only if you don't want them anymore
D) Boy, you don't waste time, do you?
E) What the fuck kind of a question is that?
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I talk to you?
A) Sure thing
B) I thought you said "talk", not "mumble"
C) Are you going to regale me with tales of your magnificent and exciting life?
D) As long as you don't go schizo on me
E) I'm a mute and I'm deaf. Keep it up and I'll stab out my eyes, too
F) I can't talk to people face to face. I only mouth off online, where there's no real threat of getting my teeth knocked down my throat for saying something stupid
Can I take pictures with/of you?
A) No. I'm in the Federal Witness Protection Program
B) By all means, yes. Be sure to Photoshop a giant cock next to my mouth before you post it online, too
C) Clothes on or off?
D) I swear to God I'll make you eat that fucking cell phone if you do
E) Sure. No harm in that, right?
F) Other (Please specify)
Are you nice?
A) I've been told I have issues
B) Not really. I have no real life friends due to my inability to interact with other human beings
C) Sure, I guess. I've never killed anyone. Yet
D) I'm an attention whore. I'll suck your dick if you'll stroke my ego
E) As long as I have my portable pharmacy with me, I am. Otherwise, all bets are off
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I stalk you?
A) If it'll get me the attention I crave, then yes!
B) Sure, as long as you don't have an aversion to a lot of hot lead flying your way
C) Depends. Only if you talk about it on Facebook/Twitter/Deviantart/LiveJournal/etcetera
D) The last person that did that is still missing
E) Define "stalk"
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I buy you lots of drinks?
A) Sure, thanks! You're a swell guy. That's not a roofie, is it?
B) I have spastic bladder issues. Maybe you shouldn't
C) Yes! Say, do you like diapers too?
D) I'm a recovering alcoholic
E) You're a recovering alcoholic
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I hug or snuggle you?
A) Aieeeee! Bad touch! Bad touch!
B) Sure, as long as you don't get creeped out when I call you "Daddy"
C) Just don't stick your tongue in my ear, okay?
D) Howzabout you hug this portable landmine instead?
E) This must be true love
F) Say, aren't you that guy with the greasy skin, bad rash and hacking cough?
May I ask you for a Dance?
A) I got my legs blown off in 'Nam, you dense motherfucker
B) Sure, but I have two left feet and no rhythm. Oh, I love this song!
C) My friends call me "Michael Jackson", but not because of those pending charges
D) Sure, I'm known for tearing up the floor. Literally. I'm 658 pounds of pure fun in a five-foot-tall package
E) Wait, is this noise supposed to be music?
F) Other (Please specify)
Do you like parties?
A) They don't call me "Good Time Charleena" for nothing
B) Wait, is this supposed to be a party?
C) Only the kind I can't remember the next day
D) I'd rather have a nun shit on my chest. Seriously, are there going to be nuns there?
E) No. I'd rather read through insurance brochures with other like-minded people
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I talk about/do drugs in front of you?
A) Only if you share, bro!
B) I'm undercover. And your ass is now busted
C) I'm a recovering drug addict, so what do you think?
D) This ain't Woodstock, pal
E) Only if you plan on snorting that entire bag of cocaine in under 30 seconds
F) Other (Please specify)
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
A) Dousing yourself in kerosene and lighting a match oughta do the trick
B) Scream out my name like you know me, despite the fact we've never met before
C) A knife with a note attached works pretty good
D) Air horn in a can works every time
E) Masturbating in public will definitely get my attention. As well as everyone else's
F) Other (Please specify)
Where are you staying during the con?
A) Inside my car
B) In a dumpster behind the local 7-Eleven
C) In a room with several people I've never even seen before
D) What do you mean "hotels cost money"?
E) Other (Please specify)
F) In a hotel room I hope
What day are you arriving there?
A) Whenever this weirdo who picked me up decides to drop me off there, I guess
B) I live here! I've been here since the last con!
C) Skateboarding across 8 state lines is harder than I thought
D) I'm going to arrive a week before the con and just hang around out front
E) Other (Please specify)
F) As soon as this piece of shit car gets me there
What day do you plan on leaving?
A) I'm never going to leave. This is my home now
B) The day they disconnect my Wi-Fi
C) Spent all my money so I can't afford the trip back home
D) Thought I'd hang out for a few days and enjoy the rockin' parties and hot babes. This'll be my first con, why do you ask?
E) Other (Please specify)
F) When the convention is over
How long will you be there?
A) Until they pry my cold dead fingers from the free internet connection
B) Until they call the cops on me
C) I'll leave when I see my face on a milk carton
D) Year-round!
E) Other (Please specify)
F) I don't wanna go back to reality-land! That place sucks!
Who will you be with?
A) Just me. By myself. Like always. Sigh...
B) Hopefully with a bunch of hot women!
C) Some greasy dude with a bad rash and hacking cough named "Dragon Nutsicle"
D) A bunch of socially awkward misfits I met while RPing online. They seem legit...
E) My imaginary best friend Twinkle.
F) As many plush animals as I can stuff into my pants
What is your gender?
A) Male
B) Female
C) Not sure
D) Some sexual affiliation I made up to feel better about my ongoing virginity
E) Other (Please specify)
F) Eunich
How old are you?
A) I'm a tween who loves Twilight and sparkledogs and werewolves!
B) I'm a jaded high schooler who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and no one understands my pain
C) I'm a 20-something perpetual student in college studying to become a video game designer, just like everybody else
D) I'm old enough to know better
E) I'm a crotchety pervert who attends these cons looking for fresh meat
F) Other (Please specify)
How tall are you?
A) Under 4 feet tall
B) Under 5 feet tall
C) Between 5 feet and 6 feet tall
D) Between 6 feet and 7 feet tall
E) I'm a shape-shifting dragon herm taur who is as large as a planet
F) Other (Please specify)
How much do you weigh?
A) About 55 pounds soaking wet
B) I'm about normal for my age and height
C) Small objects orbit me
D) Did you see the floor buckle just now?
E) Jesus, I never thought iron girders would just snap like that
F) Other (Please specify)
What will you be wearing?
A) A mascot costume I stole last night from the local school sports team
B) A Dixie cup. And nothing else
C) Forty pounds of make-up, hair coloring, collars and costume crap I bought at Hot Topic
D) Clothes, I hope.
E) A costume I made out of the old trunk carpeting from my dad's rusted-out 1948 Ford
F) A costume I just spent 6 years worth of income on
Are you an artist?
A) I reference and trace, but all the old masters did that too
B) I am capable of holding large crayons and twirling them spastically on a sheet of paper
C) Yeah, I draw for fun and/or business
D) As long as I have Google Images on hand, a laptop, and Photoshop, then yes, I am an artist
E) I write, but that's sort of the same thing
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I touch you?
A) Please do. No one has ever touched me before
B) Depends. Do you have an aversion to grease?
C) Do that and I'll scream rape
D) Do that and I'll scream for more
E) Only if you've grown tired of life
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I drag my nuts across your chin?
A) How many times am I going to get asked this question at this con?
B) Only if I can reciprocate
C) Only if you don't want them anymore
D) Boy, you don't waste time, do you?
E) What the fuck kind of a question is that?
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I talk to you?
A) Sure thing
B) I thought you said "talk", not "mumble"
C) Are you going to regale me with tales of your magnificent and exciting life?
D) As long as you don't go schizo on me
E) I'm a mute and I'm deaf. Keep it up and I'll stab out my eyes, too
F) I can't talk to people face to face. I only mouth off online, where there's no real threat of getting my teeth knocked down my throat for saying something stupid
Can I take pictures with/of you?
A) No. I'm in the Federal Witness Protection Program
B) By all means, yes. Be sure to Photoshop a giant cock next to my mouth before you post it online, too
C) Clothes on or off?
D) I swear to God I'll make you eat that fucking cell phone if you do
E) Sure. No harm in that, right?
F) Other (Please specify)
Are you nice?
A) I've been told I have issues
B) Not really. I have no real life friends due to my inability to interact with other human beings
C) Sure, I guess. I've never killed anyone. Yet
D) I'm an attention whore. I'll suck your dick if you'll stroke my ego
E) As long as I have my portable pharmacy with me, I am. Otherwise, all bets are off
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I stalk you?
A) If it'll get me the attention I crave, then yes!
B) Sure, as long as you don't have an aversion to a lot of hot lead flying your way
C) Depends. Only if you talk about it on Facebook/Twitter/Deviantart/LiveJournal/etcetera
D) The last person that did that is still missing
E) Define "stalk"
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I buy you lots of drinks?
A) Sure, thanks! You're a swell guy. That's not a roofie, is it?
B) I have spastic bladder issues. Maybe you shouldn't
C) Yes! Say, do you like diapers too?
D) I'm a recovering alcoholic
E) You're a recovering alcoholic
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I hug or snuggle you?
A) Aieeeee! Bad touch! Bad touch!
B) Sure, as long as you don't get creeped out when I call you "Daddy"
C) Just don't stick your tongue in my ear, okay?
D) Howzabout you hug this portable landmine instead?
E) This must be true love
F) Say, aren't you that guy with the greasy skin, bad rash and hacking cough?
May I ask you for a Dance?
A) I got my legs blown off in 'Nam, you dense motherfucker
B) Sure, but I have two left feet and no rhythm. Oh, I love this song!
C) My friends call me "Michael Jackson", but not because of those pending charges
D) Sure, I'm known for tearing up the floor. Literally. I'm 658 pounds of pure fun in a five-foot-tall package
E) Wait, is this noise supposed to be music?
F) Other (Please specify)
Do you like parties?
A) They don't call me "Good Time Charleena" for nothing
B) Wait, is this supposed to be a party?
C) Only the kind I can't remember the next day
D) I'd rather have a nun shit on my chest. Seriously, are there going to be nuns there?
E) No. I'd rather read through insurance brochures with other like-minded people
F) Other (Please specify)
Can I talk about/do drugs in front of you?
A) Only if you share, bro!
B) I'm undercover. And your ass is now busted
C) I'm a recovering drug addict, so what do you think?
D) This ain't Woodstock, pal
E) Only if you plan on snorting that entire bag of cocaine in under 30 seconds
F) Other (Please specify)
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
A) Dousing yourself in kerosene and lighting a match oughta do the trick
B) Scream out my name like you know me, despite the fact we've never met before
C) A knife with a note attached works pretty good
D) Air horn in a can works every time
E) Masturbating in public will definitely get my attention. As well as everyone else's
F) Other (Please specify)
This is awesome.
Gee, I wonder who that is :3
And I hope like hell he doesn't have a bad rash and a hacking cough, because then I'll really feel like an ass!
A) Inside my car
What day are you arriving there?
F) As soon as this piece of shit car gets me there (in reference to the arfers I used to drive)
What day to you plan on leaving?
E) Other (Please specify) I usually had to leave a few hours before the convention ended for the 750-850-mile all-nighter back home so I could be at work Monday morning.
How long will you be there?
E) Other (Please specify) Mid-Sunday afternoon.
Who will you be with?
A) Just me. By myself. Like always. Sigh... ('til I met Ellen)
What is your gender?
A) Male
How old are you?
F) Other (Please specify) An ancient and venerable 52
How tall are you?
C) Between 5 feet and 6 feet tall
How much do you weigh?
C) Small objects orbit me
What will you be wearing?
G) Other (Please specify) Either all black topped off with my trademark tam o'shanter, or my tropical shirt and khakis, topped off with my captain's cap.
Are you an artist?
C) Yeah, I draw for fun and/or business
F) Other (Please specify) To my friends and associates I'm a good to great artist. To my acquaintances, I'm JAFA (Just Another F'n' Artist). To my adversaries, I'm a hack or worse.
Can I touch you?
F) Other (Please specify) Only my hand and only with USD of $20 or higher.
Can I drag my nuts across your chin?
F) Other (Please specify) Try, and state self-defense laws won't have me sitting in the back of a police car. much less residing at the pokey.
Can I talk to you?
A) Sure thing (and bring money)
Can I take pictures with/of you?
F) Other (Please specify) Wow...you mean someone other than Ellen's gonna take photos of me?
Are you nice?
A) I've been told I have issues
B) Not really. I have no real life friends due to my inability to interact with other human beings
C) Sure, I guess. I've never killed anyone. Yet
D) I'm an attention whore.
E) As long as I have my portable pharmacy with me, I am. Otherwise, all bets are off
F) Other (Please specify) It depends on a few factors. If I'm having a good day. If you brought money to buy my comics or commission an illo. If you have a viable business opportunity. If you got big tits and Ellen isn't around.
Can I stalk you?
F) Other (Please specify) Ellen will kill you and me.
Can I buy you lots of drinks?
F) Other (Please specify) Sure. Ellen likes Whiskey Sours and tropical drinks. I like Cap'n Steves and numerous other cocktails.
Can I hug or snuggle you?
G) Other (Please specify) Ellen will kill you.
May I ask you for a Dance?
D) Sure, I'm known for tearing up the floor. Literally. I'm 658 pounds of pure fun in a five-foot-tall package (that's NO way to talk about Chuck "Koshaw" Nezzer)
F) Other (Please specify) Ellen and I will give you a raised eyebrow.
Do you like parties?
F) Other (Please specify) Only when I host them.
Can I talk about/do drugs in front of you?
D) This ain't Woodstock, pal
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
A) Dousing yourself in kerosene and lighting a match oughta do the trick
B) Scream out my name like you know me, despite the fact we've never met before
C) A knife with a note attached works pretty good
D) Air horn in a can works every time
E) Masturbating in public will definitely get my attention. As well as everyone else's
F) Other (Please specify) Crossing my palm with US $ of $20 or higher
Mainly because ya missed some easy ones.
Where are you staying during the con?
G) Whatever couch in the lobby happens to be empty.
What day do you plan on leaving?
G) The con can't be over, i still have money left.
What will you be wearing?
G) A t-shirt I bought and that fit in 1985
The rest looks like ya covered everything.
What day do you plan on leaving?
D) Thought I'd hang out for a few days and enjoy the rockin' parties and hot babes. This'll be my first con, why do you ask?
That was the plan... Dang, you've got me there. Getting second thoughts 'bout going to a con now. >.<
The jokes are there but so are friendship, fun and things to want & buy.
Where else can you see such amazing sights as the fursuit dance which is like a rave party being held at a Build-A-Bear Workshop. :)
I laughed real hard when reading it, it's so recognizable... :P
I wish you could Favorite Journals, I would like so totally rape and favorite this.
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Don't miss cons at all huh?: P
i was 18 when i started that ;3