Long story short: My rat was put down yet I dont feel guilty, ashamed, or any negative feelings over my decision to do so. I am happy and calm, but will miss my favorite friend.


Long story:
I've experienced death in many forms and from a young age. When I was about 4 my great grand father died unexpectedly, I knew what happened, I was sad but I showed no emotion. I knew I would not see him again but I still couldnt show what emotions I was holding in. At the age of 10 my very first cat passed away at the young age of 5, we still dont know what happened to him, my mom told me when I got home of his passing. This was my friend, my comfort, he made me happy after a day at school which I dreaded; again I passed no tears and my mom wasnt sure what to make of it but I would cry alone when everyone was asleep or on long car rides, I would do so without a sound so not to alert anyone. From this point forward I would then experience a variety of deaths ranging from pets dieing in my hands, pets dissapearing, a death of a close family friend who I regret never really getting to know her and not liking her for no reason though she was a good person, and deaths that made me feel guilty and responsible such as the putting down of my diabetic cat who saw no improvement but rather was going down hill ever so slowly. All these deaths I have been sad about and would not show much grief towards but would drag it with me as though I placed some unnecessary guilt on myself because of it.

For once I have experienced a death that has left me calm, comforted and the only sadness I really hold is that I will miss my dear friend and pet rat, Orion. I had to put him down yesterday after suddenly becoming ill and regressing in health so quickly over the course of a couple days. I question whether getting him on antibiotics faster or if I fed him Nutrical more frequently would he have lived longer or been strong enough to fend off whatever had plagued him so quickly. I question the thought but I am not put down or feel guilt induced because my little buddy lived a long life for a rat. Orion was 2 years and approximately 7-8 months old at his passing, he has traveled in backpacks, ridden in a car, was with a rat buddy, then lived a single life for a while, got a girlfriend, had babies, and then finally after 2 years was no longer hostile to other male rats and joined in a colony of 10 to live out the rest of his life. He was pampered with tastey treats the last couple of months he was alive and lots of cuddling the last few weeks of his life.

I feel happy that I was lucky enough to have spent this long with him but I will miss him greatly. This was the rat that I almost didnt get, I fell in love with him and named him before I had purchased him at Petsmart. The day I got him a customer was handling and holding him and stated that they were going to come back later to get him, I almost panicked at the thought of not getting this curious little fellow with curly blue hair and a small area of thin fur on both sides of his back. I hadnt even asked my mom if I could get another rat but I bought him anyway and he spent about 3-4 hours in a box while I waited to go home from work. From there he met Ta'ar, my very shy rat who had a completely different personality from Orion and his life started with me. I now have 6 of his sons who have personalities not too different from his and I hope to have them for as long, if not longer, than I had him.


Sorry if this was long and seemingly pointless to most of you, I just had to put this somewhere where I wouldnt feel cheesy for doing so. On another note I should be drawing more as my wrists dont hurt much anymore.

:)