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10 Day Meme Day Four.
15 years ago
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
**Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.**
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Jamie.
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... Every fucking day for the past... since she was 17. For the past 5 years I suppose. /sigh.
It doesn't help me at all when everybody else is in love with her and constantly asking about her and how she's doing. Nor does hearing someone with her voice, seeing a funky hat in the crowd, old work clothes and coveralls, seeing her furniture and stuff in our storage... Constant, constant reminders.
2) Music.
I think about music a lot. I don't like listening to the radio, I can't wear an IPod when I'm in the mood for some tunes, and I hate the background music that plays from the computers and photo labs at work.
My mind is creative and marches to it's own beat. I block out everything at work with songs I like. Songs and tunes I created in my head, or annoyingly cute songs like 'I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!'.
3) I think about my developing art, and related ideas for what I could draw. Comic and story ideas, things that amuse me or just HAVE to bubble out onto paper.
Writing is how I get my thoughts and feelings out. Drawing is how I'm able to share my interpretation with people, and sharing my art is allowing me to open up a new social world that isn't Dungeons and Dragons, or World of Warcrack.
4) Nostalgia.
Decorations or things at work remind me of this, or remind me of that. The Christmas ornaments are bringing back a whole bunch of childhood memories, mainly the fascination and magic with all the old expensive and shiny glass ornaments my grandparents used to have.
5) I think about myself a lot. I'm not suggesting that I'm vain, but I often dwell on my own accomplishments, inadequacies, my dreams, failures, goals, wishes, etc..
6) I'm usually angry. Or sad. Or both. Or feeling giddy and in love. Maybe happy and sad at the same time, in a bitter-sweet combination. Or perhaps I'm feeling happy to be man and emo. My current mood usually becomes an object to dwell on during my nights working, unless I distract myself with self-made music, broom-spinning, or drawing in the lunch room. People who distract me with idle chatter usually succeed, but when alone and thinking again, I go back to my thoughts on my feelings.
7) I think about how much I differ and stand apart from everyone else.
Usually it makes me sad, knowing I'll never really fit in with society. Sometimes I even wish I was like every other typical manly-man: obsessed with owning the best stuff, getting the biggest pay, beating everyone else in life, caring about being top-dog in the social ladder, and being selfish all the time. Then I think about how much I HATE those kind of people, and how I do kind of like being apart from them.
I wish I had more social acceptance so I could feel social freedom: it's hard to feel like I fit in when I constantly feel like I have to hide my thoughts, feelings, and ethics from the world.
Other things I think about are:
What it would be like to be a Daddy. It's one of my dreams and wishes, to be a loving Daddy. I have a terribly strong Paternal (maybe even Maternal?) instinct. I love kids, to death. I can't lie about this fact, and it's not stated to make all the girls go 'awww!' towards me.
Even tonight, at work, I thought about how cool it would be to grab my future wife and my kid, and do a random crafting art project together. I day-dreamed about making hand outlines in construction paper, then getting the kid to color rainbow stripes across it. Then to my kids amazement I cut the paper on the outline, freeing the 'hand' part. We then poked a hole, tied a string to it, put glue and glitter on the edges of the hand, and for Mommys' hand we added rhinestones for fingernails. All the while my dream childs' eyes were big with excitement and amazement, seeing the versatility and freedom of crafting things. So many elements were added to a simple art project, and in my dream I helped shape the beginnings of a young and confident future leader.
If I could change the rules and laws. There's lots of things I would change. Some selfish, but overall necessary, changes. Simple ones like letting people be together in love for the right reasons, regardless of our current social taboos. Changes regarding street laws. I'd make it so that roads are the same as railroads: the vehicles on them are big, heavy, and NOT going to stop for pedestrians who cross at non-designated crossing areas. Spanking rights balanced with rights of the child, and many anti-abuse programs that still allow discipline of a child without becoming abuse.
What my future house will look like. Lots of plans for that thing.
I think about my family a lot, my role in it, and all of our issues together.
That's usually it for general daily thought patterns. :3
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
**Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.**
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1) Jamie.
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... Every fucking day for the past... since she was 17. For the past 5 years I suppose. /sigh.
It doesn't help me at all when everybody else is in love with her and constantly asking about her and how she's doing. Nor does hearing someone with her voice, seeing a funky hat in the crowd, old work clothes and coveralls, seeing her furniture and stuff in our storage... Constant, constant reminders.
2) Music.
I think about music a lot. I don't like listening to the radio, I can't wear an IPod when I'm in the mood for some tunes, and I hate the background music that plays from the computers and photo labs at work.
My mind is creative and marches to it's own beat. I block out everything at work with songs I like. Songs and tunes I created in my head, or annoyingly cute songs like 'I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!'.
3) I think about my developing art, and related ideas for what I could draw. Comic and story ideas, things that amuse me or just HAVE to bubble out onto paper.
Writing is how I get my thoughts and feelings out. Drawing is how I'm able to share my interpretation with people, and sharing my art is allowing me to open up a new social world that isn't Dungeons and Dragons, or World of Warcrack.
4) Nostalgia.
Decorations or things at work remind me of this, or remind me of that. The Christmas ornaments are bringing back a whole bunch of childhood memories, mainly the fascination and magic with all the old expensive and shiny glass ornaments my grandparents used to have.
5) I think about myself a lot. I'm not suggesting that I'm vain, but I often dwell on my own accomplishments, inadequacies, my dreams, failures, goals, wishes, etc..
6) I'm usually angry. Or sad. Or both. Or feeling giddy and in love. Maybe happy and sad at the same time, in a bitter-sweet combination. Or perhaps I'm feeling happy to be man and emo. My current mood usually becomes an object to dwell on during my nights working, unless I distract myself with self-made music, broom-spinning, or drawing in the lunch room. People who distract me with idle chatter usually succeed, but when alone and thinking again, I go back to my thoughts on my feelings.
7) I think about how much I differ and stand apart from everyone else.
Usually it makes me sad, knowing I'll never really fit in with society. Sometimes I even wish I was like every other typical manly-man: obsessed with owning the best stuff, getting the biggest pay, beating everyone else in life, caring about being top-dog in the social ladder, and being selfish all the time. Then I think about how much I HATE those kind of people, and how I do kind of like being apart from them.
I wish I had more social acceptance so I could feel social freedom: it's hard to feel like I fit in when I constantly feel like I have to hide my thoughts, feelings, and ethics from the world.
Other things I think about are:
What it would be like to be a Daddy. It's one of my dreams and wishes, to be a loving Daddy. I have a terribly strong Paternal (maybe even Maternal?) instinct. I love kids, to death. I can't lie about this fact, and it's not stated to make all the girls go 'awww!' towards me.
Even tonight, at work, I thought about how cool it would be to grab my future wife and my kid, and do a random crafting art project together. I day-dreamed about making hand outlines in construction paper, then getting the kid to color rainbow stripes across it. Then to my kids amazement I cut the paper on the outline, freeing the 'hand' part. We then poked a hole, tied a string to it, put glue and glitter on the edges of the hand, and for Mommys' hand we added rhinestones for fingernails. All the while my dream childs' eyes were big with excitement and amazement, seeing the versatility and freedom of crafting things. So many elements were added to a simple art project, and in my dream I helped shape the beginnings of a young and confident future leader.
If I could change the rules and laws. There's lots of things I would change. Some selfish, but overall necessary, changes. Simple ones like letting people be together in love for the right reasons, regardless of our current social taboos. Changes regarding street laws. I'd make it so that roads are the same as railroads: the vehicles on them are big, heavy, and NOT going to stop for pedestrians who cross at non-designated crossing areas. Spanking rights balanced with rights of the child, and many anti-abuse programs that still allow discipline of a child without becoming abuse.
What my future house will look like. Lots of plans for that thing.
I think about my family a lot, my role in it, and all of our issues together.
That's usually it for general daily thought patterns. :3
