I don't really think so. I'd have to go through all the stories again, but nothing comes up off-hand. A bit of cheese is part of the charm of porn!

yes, yes it is.
i guess it's just a typical case of personal criticism to find my own work cheesy even when it's not porn :P

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be critical of your own stuff, but keeping the fun of it in mind. :3

Sometimes they are, but really... when is a porn part of a story not cheesy? I myself hate to write down 'oooh yeah' 'aaah' in written form as it makes the story look so horribly silly, but it is what people make for noises when having sex so it is still a natural thing. I try to leave it out though, letting it up to people's imagination what the people might be moaning or crying out about, but then it suddenly becomes srs bsness and people don't like reading it because they don't want to think all too deep when they read porn and are fapping at the same time.
"where is the moaning?? *fapfapfap* Where is the 'Fuck me yeaaahooooh' part?? *fustratedfapfapfap* FUCK this story sucks!"
.... or something like it.
I myself like story more, a build-up towards the act of sex and then also have it end with a story that build up towards the ending, open or not. A story that is only sex and nothing else doesn't really hold my interest. Now those stories can become reeeaaalllyyy cheesy if written the wrong way, but some people enjoy such reading material.


And for something completely dumb/cheesy:
*His cum hits her in the eye, but she can handle it because she is a professional.*

(Behind the scenes:" My EYE! IT BURNSSSSSSSSSS!" *bound to eyepatch for several weeks because the amount of salt in the sperm damaged the eye.*)
/personal rant

very, very rarely it does happen that i'd like to type out a "fuck me" dialogue, but i do not, as it is indeed too much cheese.
i try to have a richer, descriptive text than "ooh, aah, fuck me harder, oh yeeeah"
buuuut you know this.

good thing i don't handle the cum-in-eye subject then.
i don't mind writing NON REALISTIC porn, but there are borders, damn it.
i mean, hell, just "slipping it in" into someone's ass is already hard enough, i'm not going to handle something like cum splurting out of someones nose etc.

I've only read two of your stories, I don't think there's a whole lot of improvement needed personally.

improvement is ALWAYS needed.
but i understand what you mean. thanks :D

Hm, actually that's quite a tough one.
I guess porn is always a bit cheesy, but there's really a big difference between a bit and very cheesy.
And I didn't have the impression so far, that you were going to stray the 'extreme' line, anytime soon, so far.

Same goes for the overkill part - you won't get rid of some elements when you're writing a porn fic, I guess, but you can certainly make things a lot nicer by trying to embed it in another more interesting and colourful plot - something you've done rather well so far, in my opinion.


Cheers,
~br4wk

i'm not here to provide "Debbie does Dallas" porn in either case, so woo :D

the plots, i try. lately it's been sparse, but that's what keeps any good story going.
ranting about bouncing tits and slippery cocks just doesn't have a charm without direction.

I'm not even gonna ask what you mean by "Debbie does Dallas"

you need not ask, it is a piece of film history everyone should know about!
http://www.listal.com/movie/debbie-does-dallas

*facepalm* thanx...

I find your stories far better than what I could write. You have a much better grasp of the english langauge and better descriptive skills. You do paint a mental picture very well with your words.

everyone writes differently and indeed, language can be an issue, but at the same time there are many things that can be turned to an advantage.
if you know what you are "weak" in, you can look extra hard at those things.
like me asking questions like this journal, if someone tells me what i do wrong or what i do strangely, i can change that.
there is always help to get and there is always information to find.
i do quite the amount of surfing the web for info and inspiration etc when i'm writing, even when i'm just doing a short porn story.

I don't believe them to be dumb or cheesy. Noodles, yours happens to be some of the best smut I've seen anyone write! Lynxia, you guys could make erotica and sell it...believe me, you REALLY could.

thank you, thank you.
i have been thinking (rather non-seriously...) about trying to get something published, i have seen works of less quality being published.
but at the same time, i don't think my works are that complete or with a wide enough crowd or with a selection that would fit in a compilation.
also, some manner of shyness for too much exposure about publishing porn (for IRL purposes) probably keeps me back.
my mom doesn't know, i don't want her to know, etc.
hehe.
thanks again. perhaps you'd like to trade words for art some time :o

That is also what pen-names are for.

My uncle writes stories, but he doesn't use his real name. He signs them in an alias.

true, didn't even think of that. like i said, haven't given it much serious thought.
i do like providing free entertainment for fine internet people like yourself though :P

you can still do that. but for those who don't see it, you CAN possibly make a book of something and publish

i find it to be severely overkill.

in a good way.

>:3

thanks, that's reassuring :P