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So i realized something finally...
15 years ago
Silence, as i make a wondrous announcement! first off, I'm not too sure why I'm posting this on this account.. >.> something just told me I should...
Anyway, last night i was in bed, listening to the sounds of my mate sleeping as i lay awake, my brain going a million miles a minute, and thinking of some of the things i has seen and read the previous day.
And i realized something. my former friend wasn't really all that off when he called me a spoiled princess, though not in the sense he was thinking.
I have a confession to make, and i really don't care who knows, or who cares.
Sano is more than just a fursona to me. Sano is my life, my other self. Sanosuku Daknu does exist, though i can't prove it with hard evidence or anything >.> Sano is really a demoness from another plane of existence, and she influences me more than i truly realized before. Her habits are my habits. her personality is mine. People keep telling me to stop acting like a princess.. well its kinda hard when your inner soul is shared with that of said spoiled princess. Her soul has ever been the stronger one, ever since she awoke from her slumber when i was in High school. I call myself a furry, but honestly I've never truly been one. Chiyo was the closest i ever came to a true fursona when i forced Sano back the one time i was able to overpower her.
but now, Sano is stronger, and while i sometimes regret that i can't suppress her like i want to, and that she is the one who is normally in control, i really couldn't live without her. even while sleeping, she influenced me. Growing up i was never well off, being poor and unemployed and living off of food stamps for most of my life. I can't explain HOW i have the personality of a spoiled princess when i wasn't ever spoiled, and infact punished more often than not when i was younger.
This all came to me suddenly last night and i really needed to get it out. specially because of something else i realized
I do NOT regret my choice in leaving my former mate, not in the slightest. I am far happier apart from him than i ever was with him. Infact, as much as it might hurt him, i was never really happy with him, though i reveled in the lifestyle he could give me. Yes, i'm shallow, yes, i somehow managed to be spoiled, but still, the realization that i never really cared for him, but for the life he gave me is a huge relief to me. I was finding myself jealous of what i saw, and i was confused as to why until last night.
I am not jealous of you, or of you having a new mate in your life, dear. I'm jealous of the fact that I am no longer able to live with the ease of life living with you gave me. I could care less that you have someone sharing your heart and possibly your bed, Hell, i never actually liked sharing your bed anyway. while you looked nice in pictures, i found you unattractive and unsatisfying due to your assets, or should i say, lack thereof >.> Sure, you have a house and a somewhat stable job, but as I will fully admit to having an overactive sex drive, that just wasn't enough for me to be happy. As much of a slut as it may make me seem, i need the sex to be really happy. and here, i get plenty x3
Anyway, while i never really cared for you in the sense that you thought, i do like you as a friend, but you decided you hated me, and now, you'll probably never speak to me again, much less ever want to be friends. So i guess this is a final good bye, though i'd like to mention that excepting you, I've been able to stay friends with all my past Ex's no matter how i had hurt them, or even them me. So i guess this is a break in the cycle.
Regardless, i still regard you as a friend, even if you hate me for all that i am and all that i did. If you decide to talk to me again, i still have you on my yahoo, and you can always talk to me through SL or notes on FA, or even Facebook. I don't expect you to, but meh. i'm still there if you do decide to talk. and i mean civilly, not just bitter bitching.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anywho,
TL;DR~ I'm an otherkin, Sano's a demon. I regret nothing, cept the loss of the easy life i led, and i'd still like to be friends ^^
Anyway, last night i was in bed, listening to the sounds of my mate sleeping as i lay awake, my brain going a million miles a minute, and thinking of some of the things i has seen and read the previous day.
And i realized something. my former friend wasn't really all that off when he called me a spoiled princess, though not in the sense he was thinking.
I have a confession to make, and i really don't care who knows, or who cares.
Sano is more than just a fursona to me. Sano is my life, my other self. Sanosuku Daknu does exist, though i can't prove it with hard evidence or anything >.> Sano is really a demoness from another plane of existence, and she influences me more than i truly realized before. Her habits are my habits. her personality is mine. People keep telling me to stop acting like a princess.. well its kinda hard when your inner soul is shared with that of said spoiled princess. Her soul has ever been the stronger one, ever since she awoke from her slumber when i was in High school. I call myself a furry, but honestly I've never truly been one. Chiyo was the closest i ever came to a true fursona when i forced Sano back the one time i was able to overpower her.
but now, Sano is stronger, and while i sometimes regret that i can't suppress her like i want to, and that she is the one who is normally in control, i really couldn't live without her. even while sleeping, she influenced me. Growing up i was never well off, being poor and unemployed and living off of food stamps for most of my life. I can't explain HOW i have the personality of a spoiled princess when i wasn't ever spoiled, and infact punished more often than not when i was younger.
This all came to me suddenly last night and i really needed to get it out. specially because of something else i realized
I do NOT regret my choice in leaving my former mate, not in the slightest. I am far happier apart from him than i ever was with him. Infact, as much as it might hurt him, i was never really happy with him, though i reveled in the lifestyle he could give me. Yes, i'm shallow, yes, i somehow managed to be spoiled, but still, the realization that i never really cared for him, but for the life he gave me is a huge relief to me. I was finding myself jealous of what i saw, and i was confused as to why until last night.
I am not jealous of you, or of you having a new mate in your life, dear. I'm jealous of the fact that I am no longer able to live with the ease of life living with you gave me. I could care less that you have someone sharing your heart and possibly your bed, Hell, i never actually liked sharing your bed anyway. while you looked nice in pictures, i found you unattractive and unsatisfying due to your assets, or should i say, lack thereof >.> Sure, you have a house and a somewhat stable job, but as I will fully admit to having an overactive sex drive, that just wasn't enough for me to be happy. As much of a slut as it may make me seem, i need the sex to be really happy. and here, i get plenty x3
Anyway, while i never really cared for you in the sense that you thought, i do like you as a friend, but you decided you hated me, and now, you'll probably never speak to me again, much less ever want to be friends. So i guess this is a final good bye, though i'd like to mention that excepting you, I've been able to stay friends with all my past Ex's no matter how i had hurt them, or even them me. So i guess this is a break in the cycle.
Regardless, i still regard you as a friend, even if you hate me for all that i am and all that i did. If you decide to talk to me again, i still have you on my yahoo, and you can always talk to me through SL or notes on FA, or even Facebook. I don't expect you to, but meh. i'm still there if you do decide to talk. and i mean civilly, not just bitter bitching.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anywho,
TL;DR~ I'm an otherkin, Sano's a demon. I regret nothing, cept the loss of the easy life i led, and i'd still like to be friends ^^
son-of-liberty
~son-of-liberty
