Urgh i hate doing shit like this but i need to vent, today when i came back from training i stopped off at a cafe for a quick bite to eat, and I saw a friend of mine from the gym and high school with him i also saw my recently x boyfriend he was the first guy i connected with that lived close enough i could see him nearly every day and he was clinging onto my friends arm like i dont know what, it just hurt so much the reason he broke up with me was because he was'nt sure on who he wanted to be with guy or girl now not even two months later he is on the arm of another guy.

But the thing that hurts the most is that i think he lied to me this guy is ripped toned sixpack abs pecks everything and myself a sixpack is a pipe dream the only thing that i can say is that i have large muscles pecks and a large stomach, i fucking hate doing this i feel like im being emo or just pissing people off with my problems but i need to get this out or im gonna do something i might regret i dont know, I just want to know that i see models porn stars guys everywhere with sixpacks pecks and fit bodies and i think to myself is this how man is supposed to be. Im considering losing my weight and toning up, argh! this pisses me off so much i just need to get away for Christmas i think I'll go stay with family and get away from this place.

Anyway for now this is probably the last journal upload or anything you will hear from me in awhile.