I’m not exactly sure where to begin. It’s a lot to tell, and a lot to organize. I’ll present what I have to say in a readable manner, and you can read it when you feel you have the time. I do encourage you to read this lengthy post, but I understand these kinds of notes are often overlooked for sheer length.

If you don’t have time, the short version of the story is that I had fun, I learned a lot, and I have a new respect for the furry fandom in general. I’ve never had a better time with perfect strangers, but I expect I will next year.

The longer story begins long ago, but a shorter version of that story begins Tuesday, when Yuri and Tsen arrived. I just started college last week, so I couldn’t help but think that MFM had come at an awful time. College-wise, however, it was probably the easiest week I’ll have this semester, but I was still just getting oriented. Not to mention the theatre department’s reunion, which my mother was organizing, or my aunt who flew into town the weekend before. Let alone my band’s first paid gig or my lack of funding due to said concert. Let’s say it was going to be a very long week.

Still, Yuri and Tsen had arrived, and I was excited to see them for the first time. Roo was first to meet them, and he led them to me, and I was happy to see the lion and his shy mate for the first time. Really, I can’t help but compare them to Jay and Silent Bob, in looks, but they were certainly different people. Very cute people, in sooth, Yuri with his satisfied smile and Tsen with his gentle voice. Yuri certainly looked like a lion to me, though Tsen gave me more of a panda vibe ;) I kind of feel bad for that on several levels, but it’s the truth.

On a whim, we took the pair to a free comedy show that was featured for the students. It was a good deal of fun, and the comedians were actually people of whom you may have heard. Unfortunately, I don’t remember their names, and Roo had to leave before it was over. Regardless, we had fun, and I took Yuri and Tsen back to my dorm, where we conversed over pizza about how ridiculous the roads in Memphis are, and how the pizza box had no logo on it. Ping joined us later, and Yuri and Tsen enjoyed his presence. They told me as they were leaving to tell him he was quite a funny individual. I don’t recall if I did or not.

I worked Wednesday, but the pair didn’t bother to pay me a visit ): That’s really all I remember. Oh, and I also woke up late. That wasn’t a good idea, and I don’t plan on that becoming a habit.

Thursday was room change day, and I was hectic from the lack of organization. Ping and I moved what we could before I had to go to Music Theory, and by the time I had to leave, we’d gotten most of my stuff out of the room. When I went back to my old dorm for my computer, I opened the door to sweet, black lovemaking, and walked out. I went up to Ping’s room, which is where I was moving, and I let him know why I had come back empty-pawed. He kind of shrugged it off, so I asked him to come with me. He agreed, and not until we were in the room moving belongings while two naked people snuggled under loose sheets on what used to be my bed did he realize how awkward my situation had been. When we finished, we began the arduous task of raising my bed from level two height to the much-coveted level three height. By the end of the day, we’d mastered the art, and we got done three corners in the amount of time the first one took. I don’t recall much else. Songwriter’s night at MO’s was fun, though. Mom and Tanya came. Mom saw my tail.

Friday was a hell of a day. I got to ride in the back of Yuri’s truck, which has two seats and a seat belt. The ride was much fun, but I must admit my first day at the con was slightly disheartening because I didn’t have an ID, when meant I was labeled as a minor. Yes, a minor, with a red-tinted badge with a “rejection stamp” across it to boot. You know that self-conscious feeling you get when you have some strange, small flaw that you think everyone notices? That’s how I felt. I felt like, perhaps, I would be treated like an outcast, like I wouldn’t be spoken to, which was pretty much the case, save for people I knew. I would find out later that I was just self-conscious, and, in general, everyone was treated pretty much the same.

The real event of the day, however, was the concert. Oh, was I excited about the concert! I’d invested roughly $85 dollars in flyers to the cause of publicity. The band had put shows on hiatus for almost two months and invested that time preparing in every way for this one grand show, our first paid gig. We set up, put a man at the door, and waited to see what happened. There were more people there at the end of the night than at the beginning, but there were a lot of people in general. I was pleased to see fellow furs from the convention that I’d never met. The show, though, was phenomenal. We’ve never pleased a crowd so much. We had people dancing when we asked them to dance. We had people cheering at the end of songs they didn’t know. We made one mistake, and that was to sit the audience down right after they got up. Otherwise, fantastic. As expected, someone said, “PLAY FREEBIRD,” and we pounced. Here was the skit. Akemi immediately broke down crying, and Ping and I got mad and got the character to come up to the stage. It was one of the furs. We half-explained the horrible connection the song had with Emily’s childhood, and we presented a deal. We would play Freebird, but the fur would have to sing the words. As expected, he didn’t know the words, and he only said it because that’s what people say. We told him off playfully, played the intro, got bored, and went on with our set.

The fur in question turned out to be someone from FA who, long ago, commented on Coyote Smile, and he didn’t recognize me until the song played. It’s a small world, thanks to the internet.

Ping also was proud to announce that we impressed the owners of our venue enough that they asked us to play in their concert series in two weeks. That was the first of two potential gigs that concert earned us. The future is bright for Controlled Substance.

Saturday. The big day. What a day. I was quickly informed that a pair of furs from Rocket City (Huntsville, Alabama, if you’re unfamiliar with the term) had come to our concert and were interested in having us play for their meet. I, myself, was intensely eager, but I was really afraid Ping would not approve, so I gave him my contacts and said I would think about it. I actually really want to play the con, with all my heart and soul.

Not long after Roo and I arrived (with age-revealing ID!), Akemi showed up. She set up her guitar in hopes of getting money like she would at an anime convention, but the crowd wasn’t as anime-oriented as she had hoped. Her typical routine is playing songs by request. It didn’t work, so we decided to perform kitsune no hikari. It was, in every way, the best we have ever performed that song. It was a shame few were around to hear it, though I got a random comment about it later. After that, I ran away to a writer’s panel, featuring the guest of honor, Jim Lane. I learned a good deal, and I had an intense urge to ask Jim to read one of my stories. I was too afraid to impede upon his person, however, and I lost my nerve.

On my way down the hall, a very random fursuiter came up to me and hugged me. I was slightly taken aback until I realized it was Roo! There he was, decked out in an oversized dragonweasel costume (patent pending). Until he started speaking, I couldn’t help but notice he had taken on classic mascot means of communication, and I wasn’t expecting that. The person from whom he borrowed it was rather interesting, a guy called Mike. We went around the hotel at Roo’s leisure before wandering back to the fursuiter’s room to take it off. Roo was soaking wet with sweat. It looked like he had walked in from the rain. As Mike put it, “You don’t realize how hot you are until you take it off.” We had an interesting conversation with him for about an hour. He’s quite smart, but he drives trucks (reportedly because he enjoys it). He’s an aspiring fursuit maker, who happens also to craft bondage toys and such x3 He was just fascinating, really.

While browsing the dealer’s den, I came across a furry Inu-Yasha portfolio, and I bought the set. They make good gifts.

We spent much of the time wandering around and watching things happen. I sat down and watched the fursuiters, and something began to click in my head. What had once seemed like an odd and silly thing to do, what had once looked like something I wouldn’t be caught dead doing, looked like fun. This clicked when I saw Techwolf’s suit. I’ve never been fond of the cartoon style of fursuits, but Tech’s was so realistic to me. When he first looked at me, I thought he was smiling. His mouth opened in such a way that it seemed like a natural greeting smile. And when I saw the half-suiters, I found myself transfixed on these costumes. Here were these live, anthropomorphic creatures, like the ones about which I write, walking around in everyday clothes, baggy stuff like I like to wear. It’s a feeling that’s hard to experience from a distance. Video isn’t even suitable. When you’re face to face with these happy, huggable furs, it’s hard not to enjoy the art.

Akemi made a point to hug every fursuiter she saw. They made a point to hug her back.

Really, a lot of the fun was in hanging out with random people. The MFM environment is so different from real life. By the end of the con, I had realized I could go up to any person and give them a hug, and I could expect a warm hug back. For an hour or so after the pizza feed, furs gathered in the garden court, and we played with balloons. You can’t do that in the real world. You can’t enjoy simple pleasures like trying to keep a balloon from hitting the ground in public. It’s socially unacceptable. MFM is a completely different world. Adults can’t be kids when they want to be from where I come, at least not without someone giving a dirty look or giving a reprimand. There weren’t just sixteen-year-olds like Akemi out there, there were grown adults, people in their upper thirties, enjoying themselves. We played with the balloons because it was fun. We pounced each other and rolled around on the floor because it was fun. I truly realized for the first time that the fandom is about fun. It’s about enjoying yourself, being who you are, and running with a crowd who accepts that in you. I’m overcome with indescribable emotions as I write this. It’s nothing like the real world in there.

I was eventually left with a choice between a rather funny play and a dance. Akemi wanted to dance, so I stayed at the convention with her. I’m rather glad I did, though, because we had a hell of a time dancing. Eventually, she went home, Tsen and Yuri went to bed, Blackie was not to be found, and Roo found himself exhausted. So ended my first real day at MFM. I was sad to leave.

Sunday began early, as I had a morning writer’s panel to attend. We got there just in time for the writer-artist roundtable discussion, at which I learned much about illustrations interacting with written word. I benefit from this because I’m actually looking to seek someone to illustrate one of my stories. At the end of the panel, I toughed up and asked Phil, the head of the writer’s track, to read over one of my stories. He agreed to have it read by the next panel. At this point, I started to realize the power of asking. I’ve always been afraid to ask for favors, more specifically from strangers, because I do not like to put a burden on people. Sometimes, though, you have to ask. I’m still learning.

After that, it was shopping time! I bought a lovely print for myself and a comic book for Babe, my grandmother. Roo insisted on buying me a badge, which I must say turned out beautifully. Roo likes to buy me things, but I feel bad every time he buys me something. I know I can’t repay him.

Roo said he was hungry, and I lead him to the Critter Con Suite, which had lots of free food. I discovered this via Blackie. The directions from the garden court are rather silly. We passed the time there conversing over Cartoon Network, specifically Tom and Jerry (since it was on) and which shows on adult swim were stupid. I also had a look at the adventures of “Queerman,” and I couldn’t help but double over at the awful puns and innuendos, and of course the immortal “KER-PENIS!”

Yuri and Tsen related to Roo and me the story of their first moments in the hotel. They met a creepy guy in the registration line who had a lot to say and no particular format for presentation. He veered dangerously off course, going to great lengths and down winding tangents to loudly and publicly describe, in great detail, the divine design of a hyena’s vagina. This guy made both Tsen and Yuri nervous about the convention. In the end, he was the only guy of his breed that they met.

At 2 pm, I walked as fast as I could to the final writer’s panel, Creating Crucibles. It was the single most informative panel I attended. In its conclusion, Phil pulled me aside and said, “Let’s go somewhere quiet.” We went to an empty conference room, and he pawed me the book in which I had laid out my story. His next words were something along these lines: “I read a lot of work everyday… and every once in a long while I find gold. You’re gold.”

I beamed. And yes, it’s shameless bragging.
That’s not to say he didn’t find fault. He gave me wonderful suggestions on how to improve, and he suggested that I find a writer’s group, somewhere off campus. There were many details that really only matter to writers, but the main thing I remember is his voice saying very frankly, “You’re gold.” It made my day.

After that, I caught the tail end of Matthew “Hali” Abel’s concert. He’s quite good, indeed. I was then invited to watch the Furry Masquerade. I had fifteen minutes or so.

I watched the fursuiters in the garden court and played guitar. I earned a couple of bucks.

The masquerade was basically an extremely laid back talent show, full of bad jokes and wonderful pranks. For the first time, I heard decent furry rap. I never thought I’d see the day. Ever. I also didn’t think you could play piano in a fursuit. I was again proven wrong. And for a final misconception, I thought you had to be a fursuiter to be in the show. I’m sad now that I didn’t prepare a musical act.

The closing ceremonies came, and until the words crossed Tiger’s lips through the mic, I had lived the day in total bliss. Then it hit me. This world I’d come to love was ending. These people I met were going far away. This environment into which I fit perfectly would be a memory soon. It’s going to be a long time before I can leave a guitar in a corner and come back an hour later to find it still there. It will be a while before I can hug every person I see at total random without strange looks. It will be months before I’m not the only person wearing a tail. It will be a year before MFM returns. It made me sad.

Ceremonies are always boring for me. I played with the fursuiter next to me for much of the time. I’m not sure if he enjoyed it as much as I did.

We ate at the overpriced buffet. I ate food I normally wouldn’t touch, and I’ll probably not touch it again any time soon. We saw Tiger, the con director, and lined up to give him hugs. I can’t stress enough how special it is that you can go up to anyone and hug them at any given time. Everyone is approachable. After that, I grabbed an ice cream and headed to my final panel, “Furry, Music, and Furry Music.” Most of it consisted of Hali and I talking about the industry while other people listened. Hali is really a great guy with a lot of great advice. I’ve known that networking is the key to success, but, as with the writer’s panels, I learned a lot of tricks I didn’t know. The panel ran over at least half an hour, but the majority of us stayed the entire time. After that, I ran to the Dead Dog Party at the con suite to grab as many sodas as I could fit into my bag. We like in a dorm; sodas are expensive. I got stuck there by an episode of Family Guy, which was a lot more enjoyable with a group of people than by myself at home. After that, I ran to retrieve some videos I donated to the video room, and by a nifty coincidence ran into both the RCFM director and Jim Lane at the same time. He knew the band’s name from the administrator forums, and basically said if the people who recruited us as performers said yes, the programmers said yes. Jim and I, however, had a much lengthier conversation. We talked a lot about his own works, as I had inquired, and somehow we veered off to computer troubles. He told me about how, when he was a journalist, the computers ran off of 8 inch floppies and took two minutes or more to save text files. Jim’s a pretty old otter, but lively. He seemed to be good friends with many people who walked by. The conversation eventually ended.

There was a bit of time while the fursuit games went on that I was slightly bored. I tried dancing, but it’s hard to dance to techno when there’s not a whole bunch of people jumping with me. I watched people twirl glow sticks and two fursuiters dance with each other. I was satisfied watching, but I felt like I should be dancing, so I left.

My last moments of the convention were like this:

All but one balloon was left, and two people were bouncing it back and forth. I joined in. An older man with a cane joined in. A girl with a cat mask joined in. Stitch joined in. Blackie joined in. Two fursuiters joined in. Yuri and Tsen joined in… By the time I left at midnight, we had about twenty people sitting in a circle playing with a single, very large balloon. Roo was nodding off in the sidelines, and I knew he needed to get home and sleep, but I so desperately wanted to stay. I didn’t want to leave. I knew the next day I wouldn’t be returning to the hotel, and that I would be faced with the pile of work and a group of people who think I’m just a quirky embarrassment. I started thinking about the real world and how much it sucked. And yet, at the same time, I was so happy. I was so happy to have met 610 wonderful people, plus staff.

I left the convention depressed and elated. I also left more proudly than ever to be a fur.

God knows what I’ve written so far.

It’s after 4 am. I suppose I should get some sleep.