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Merry Christmas, Happy News Years, and Nerdery
15 years ago
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Solstice, and Merry Tarrasquemas for you nerds out there! I hope whatever you celebrate (or don't celebrate) that you're all happy, warm, and well-fed.
Wondering what the heck Tarrasquemas is? You can find the madness here:
(warning, typical /tg/ madness. This means curses and whatnot)
#
Its fun, I promise. Here's an adaptation of the grinch from one of the 4chan posters.
Every monster down in Fallcrest loved Tarrasquemas a lot.
But the munchkin who lived north of Fallcrest did not.
It could be because he was min-maxed too much.
It could be because he was greedy and such.
But the most likely reason he was so mean, they say
Was that he would rollplay, not roleplay, all day.
But whatever the reason, his stats or his play,
He stood there above the town before Tarrasquemas day.
For below he could see, every monster beneath,
Was happy now making an elven gut wreath.
"Now they're arranging encounters," he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's Tarrasquemas, it's practically here!"
And he sneered with his munghkin dice nervously rolling,
"I must find a way to stop Tarrasquemas from coming!
"For tomorrow, you see, every goblin and ork,
"They'll exchange all their presents, they'll eat their long pork.
"Then they'll be happy and content, then they'll happily sing,
"It'll make me feel happy when rage is my thing."
So he hitched up his sleigh to his warhorses heavy,
Which he'd min-maxed to go faster than a 54 Chevy.
With bags of holding and portable holes,
He raced down to the town laden down with ten foot poles.
With his sword he did lay waste to monsters left and right,
And thought he would slaughter all day and all night.
Racing past guards wearing seven-league boots.
To race back up home with his treasure and loots.
When to his dismay, he heard a terrible roar,
Scarier than anything he'd heard before.
And down through the streets raced a monster Colossal,
Twas the Tarrasque, that lovely old fossil!
The munchkin screamed and turned quite white
And pissed in his trousers, from terrified fright.
Seeing himself in the massive black eye,
He was quite certain that he would soon die,
But the Tarrasquemas spirit extends to one and all,
To good and to evil, to chaos and law.
And so he was led to a table, I think,
And given a glass of fine ale to drink.
A lovely roast sausage inside of a roll
Was placed in his hand by a kobold so droll.
And as he stood there, aghast and bemused,
The monsters stood round him and chuckled, all amused.
And the munchkin, with his munchkin-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood INT-checking and INT-checking, how could it be so?
It came without feats. It came without stats.
It came without Paladins, Rogues or Bards.
And he INT-checked and INT-checked ’till his dice were ground down.
Then the munchkin thought of something he hadn’t before.
What if Tarrasquemas, he thought, doesn’t have from a CR.
What if Tarrasquemas, perhaps, needs a little bit more.
And then the littlest kobold of all,
Stood there before him, with his scarf oh so small.
"He said, silly, human, you don't comprehend,
"Today is Tarrasquemas, all conflict must end!"
"For tomorrow we'll go back to the things that we do,
"You'll try to kill us and we'll try to kill you.
"But until then, why don't we be nice to each other.
"For one day, let PCs and mobs be like brothers!"
Then the munchkin looked round him at the monsters so sweet,
And thought to himself, "That's a lot of XP."
He drew his sword then and he started to charge.
But was promptly crushed under a foot oh so large.
Today is Tarrasquemas, the day for good cheer,
But if you're an asshole, you're dead now, you hear?
Because Grampy Tarry's patrolling the streets.
So if you're not nice, you will wind up dead meats.
So drink up your ale and your eggnog so tasty,
And share with your friends some pudding that's hasty.
Give away presents for 1d4 days,
And let your GM know that he's doing okay.
Let's run with the Tarrasque as he bounds through the town,
And when the day's over, we'll see him burrow down,
To the center of the Earth where he'll sleep all the day
Dreaming of next year, the next Tarrasquemas Day.
*bricked for nerdery
Wondering what the heck Tarrasquemas is? You can find the madness here:
(warning, typical /tg/ madness. This means curses and whatnot)
#
Its fun, I promise. Here's an adaptation of the grinch from one of the 4chan posters.
Every monster down in Fallcrest loved Tarrasquemas a lot.
But the munchkin who lived north of Fallcrest did not.
It could be because he was min-maxed too much.
It could be because he was greedy and such.
But the most likely reason he was so mean, they say
Was that he would rollplay, not roleplay, all day.
But whatever the reason, his stats or his play,
He stood there above the town before Tarrasquemas day.
For below he could see, every monster beneath,
Was happy now making an elven gut wreath.
"Now they're arranging encounters," he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's Tarrasquemas, it's practically here!"
And he sneered with his munghkin dice nervously rolling,
"I must find a way to stop Tarrasquemas from coming!
"For tomorrow, you see, every goblin and ork,
"They'll exchange all their presents, they'll eat their long pork.
"Then they'll be happy and content, then they'll happily sing,
"It'll make me feel happy when rage is my thing."
So he hitched up his sleigh to his warhorses heavy,
Which he'd min-maxed to go faster than a 54 Chevy.
With bags of holding and portable holes,
He raced down to the town laden down with ten foot poles.
With his sword he did lay waste to monsters left and right,
And thought he would slaughter all day and all night.
Racing past guards wearing seven-league boots.
To race back up home with his treasure and loots.
When to his dismay, he heard a terrible roar,
Scarier than anything he'd heard before.
And down through the streets raced a monster Colossal,
Twas the Tarrasque, that lovely old fossil!
The munchkin screamed and turned quite white
And pissed in his trousers, from terrified fright.
Seeing himself in the massive black eye,
He was quite certain that he would soon die,
But the Tarrasquemas spirit extends to one and all,
To good and to evil, to chaos and law.
And so he was led to a table, I think,
And given a glass of fine ale to drink.
A lovely roast sausage inside of a roll
Was placed in his hand by a kobold so droll.
And as he stood there, aghast and bemused,
The monsters stood round him and chuckled, all amused.
And the munchkin, with his munchkin-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood INT-checking and INT-checking, how could it be so?
It came without feats. It came without stats.
It came without Paladins, Rogues or Bards.
And he INT-checked and INT-checked ’till his dice were ground down.
Then the munchkin thought of something he hadn’t before.
What if Tarrasquemas, he thought, doesn’t have from a CR.
What if Tarrasquemas, perhaps, needs a little bit more.
And then the littlest kobold of all,
Stood there before him, with his scarf oh so small.
"He said, silly, human, you don't comprehend,
"Today is Tarrasquemas, all conflict must end!"
"For tomorrow we'll go back to the things that we do,
"You'll try to kill us and we'll try to kill you.
"But until then, why don't we be nice to each other.
"For one day, let PCs and mobs be like brothers!"
Then the munchkin looked round him at the monsters so sweet,
And thought to himself, "That's a lot of XP."
He drew his sword then and he started to charge.
But was promptly crushed under a foot oh so large.
Today is Tarrasquemas, the day for good cheer,
But if you're an asshole, you're dead now, you hear?
Because Grampy Tarry's patrolling the streets.
So if you're not nice, you will wind up dead meats.
So drink up your ale and your eggnog so tasty,
And share with your friends some pudding that's hasty.
Give away presents for 1d4 days,
And let your GM know that he's doing okay.
Let's run with the Tarrasque as he bounds through the town,
And when the day's over, we'll see him burrow down,
To the center of the Earth where he'll sleep all the day
Dreaming of next year, the next Tarrasquemas Day.
*bricked for nerdery
