I'm just...so scared you guys.

Anyone who knows me close knows my parents are both not in the best of health. My dad has this leg infection disease that I can never spell, and he has the type that won't go away and has no known cure. He's been fighting it since I can remember and everytime it acts up he gets so sick and so weak it scares me. He's so stubborn though, and he almost lost his leg several times because of it.

My mom has never really been in good health. She has asthma and diabeties. Over the past few years she's developed blood clot problems and has been in and to the hospital several times because of it. She's on so many medications for so many things I lose count and she has to cart around a bag with them all so she remembers to take them. Which she frequently forgets or takes them late which ends up with her suffering and she knows better but she just forgets.

Reciently my mom got a gash on her leg and it wouldn't heal over. DON'T READ MORE IF YOU GET QUEASY EASILY!!!!!! It started leaking water/fluids and my mom's been keeping it elevated. Her leg became puffy and red and hot just like my dad's when his infection is acting up and it scared me so bad.

She went to the doctor today and they were gone for a while. I started to worry. When they finally came home my mom looked at me, sighed, and said she has a form of the SAME infection my dad has and that the docs put her on 4 NEW medications to fight this infection because they think they can heal it before it gets to the point like my dad's has become, but with my mom's health as bad as it is already my hopes are both high and low..


Guys...I'm so scared. Everyday or almost everyday I think about all these things. When I hear my mom screaming in pain for missing her meds, or too weak to do things. Or sick as a dog because of new/changed meds. When I look at my dad when he gets sick and laying on the couch like a weak puppy. It scares me.


I'm scared I'll lose them...


I hate my dad for all intents and purposes. He's a lying, cheating, asshole of a person, but he's still my dad. I don't want to just lose him cuz of his leg.

I love my mom so much. I don't want to lose her.

But everyday as I see them I think of all these things and more and I just want to hide in my room and cry because I'm so scared I'll lose them and I'll be all alone.

I know I have friends and I have my family here online but...I don't want to be alone HERE...where I am now..

I don't want to wake up one day and find one or both of them...you know...gone.

I don't want to wake up one morning and be alone in a house, not because I've moved but because they're both gone.

I'm just so scared...