I really only have one thing to say about New Year's Eve: FUCK it. In all honesty I fucking DESPISE New Year's Eve. Every year my mom gets shit-faced drunk and she is not a nice person when she's drunk. She loves telling me how disappointed she is in me for being a 'freak' and how ashamed she is of HERSELF that she gave birth to someone like me. Awesome, I feel so loved, and now I'm sitting in my room trying to rack up enough credits on Halo: Reach to buy my blue visor. And for some reason it's becoming so fucking hard not to just burst into tears right now. I don't know what it is it's just getting so hard to even breathe, but I'm too stubborn to start 2011 with wet eyes. I just don't know what to do, I've gone 365 days without getting high or drunk, I'm not about to break that streak while I'm on probation. Everything just feels so wrong right now. I saw a quote the other day, I can't remember the beginning of it but it ends like "...the fear of humiliation is the only reason why I haven't tried killing myself." it kind of made me laugh because I've experienced that humiliation of failing to...end it, three times actually. I guess the only reason I personally am still alive now is because I realize there's always someone worse off than you, and the least I can do is push forward for that person, even if they never see it.