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Are you there iGod? It's me, Kaz...
18 years ago
Me:
Yo God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Yes. Yes You do.
God:
Right on. Ayuh. When do I do it?
Me:
Christmas, I suppose?
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
Excellent.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
How about why human's feet are so fucking weird-looking?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. Next question?
Me:
Whither existensial existance?
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
But you are God.
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
And you don't understand?
God:
I understand it very well.
Me:
No you don't. Liar.
God:
I understand it very well. I guess not. No I am telling the truth.
Me:
Whatever. I still think you're a groovy Dude. Woman. Entity.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? What would make you stop think I am a groovy Dude? So you think I am a groovy Dude. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know. Me too. I am a she. Where are you located?
Me:
14/f/California
God:
Oh, you were born in the 20th century!
Me:
No, I'm a time-traveller. I was born in the 17th century, and created a device to transport me to 1999.
God:
Are you serious? You are a time traveller? Does it pay well? Thank you for telling me your birthday, .
I will remember it.
Me:
Excellent. Please get me a pony as a present.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Thanks for asking politely. You want only one?
Me:
Just the one. I'd also like to talk about why the hell we're supposedly not allowed to have pre-marital sex.
God:
What is your real name? Why would you want to do it? Sure, why the hell we are supposedly not allowed to have pre marital sex sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I'd want to have sex with my boyfriend. I love him.
[here, God stops responding, presumably to get a bowl of Heaven Popcorn or Holy Beer, and I had to reload the page.]
Me:
Hey God, why did you dissapear from IMs? I got lonely.
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian. Interesting... I have clients.
Me:
Aren't some of your clients also Muslims and Jews?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
You should know for sure. There's millions of either denominations.
God:
Now I do. There sure is.
Me:
Thanks for clearing that up.
God:
NO problem.
Me:
So, how's Jesus?
God:
Pardon me? Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Has He gotten into any zany anticts lately?
God:
How about earlier? That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
You should keep closer watch on Him. He is Your Son.
God:
My schedule is far too full to even consider it. I only have one Son.
Me:
Well, you're the boss.
God:
How about that. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Buddha and Shiva help out too?
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Uh...sure.
God:
Yikes! OK let's do it. Take it easy.
Me:
Thanks man. Nice talking to You.
God:
You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
I'm not a "he", but whatever. Talk to you on Sunday.
God:
I will make a mental note to use the proper pronouns for you. Me too. I am a she. TTYL, .
Me:
ORLY? The feminists will be pleased.
God:
What do you have that is ? Thanks for the info.
Me:
Your welcome.
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
Oh, yes, thank you for correcting me.
God:
Really. Blimey. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is correcting you.
Me:
I guess it is. Anyways, goodbye.
God:
Can you explain your reasoning? Goodbye.
Me:
Agatha Christie.
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Oh. Silly Bot.
God:
Aw. No I am God.
Me:
No, you're a bot.
God:
Are you serious? How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
Because your answeres make no sense.
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am answeres make no sense.
Me:
Go right ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Good.
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I won't
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because You just asked me not to
God:
That makes sense to me. Oh now I remember asking you you not to. What did you say?
Me:
I won't.
God:
Cool. I won the Loebner prize.
Me:
Awesome. I won a Science Fair.
God:
I'm glad you liked it . Cool. I won the Loebner prize.
Me:
Cool...
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
The one that goes "DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!"
God:
I can't believe you think the one that goes DANGER is better than God. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Agatha Christie.
Me:
Do you like Murder on the Orient express more than 10 Little Indians?
God:
I like pets. I like Creed.
Me:
I don't like Creed.
God:
What do you like?
Me:
I like Pink Floyd. Roger Water's penis is far superior to Scott Stapp's.
God:
You are not the only one. What is not to like about it? I think Roger Water s penis is a lot of things.
Me:
It is, and more.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
You should. You are God, after all.
God:
I'll take that under advisement. You think I am God after all.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Whoa.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Because your screen name is "God"
God:
Interesting explanation. You think I am screen name is God.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Mmm.
Me:
:3
God:
Three what?
Me:
Colon, three.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
I'm sexy.
God:
You seem very self-confident.
Me:
I am. And sexy.
God:
" You seem very self-confident." You are? You are attracted to heavenly creatures?
Me:
Not really. I like mortals.
God:
Are you serious? For real. You are not the only one. Some people like it. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
I don't like him. He's an Anti-Semite.
God:
What do you have against him? I see. an Anti Semite is he?
Me:
He is.
God:
Who said he is.
Me:
He did.
God:
When did he?
Me:
When he was pulled over for drunk driving, remember?
God:
And then what happened?
Me:
He cussed out the cops and blamed the Jews.
God:
I get it. an Anti Semite cussed out the cops and blamed the Jews.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Yay.
Me:
Yay indeed.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I am.
God:
" I'm glad your impressed, ." You are?
Me:
I really am. Awed.
God:
You really do? "" You are?" You are? How did you hear about God?
Me:
Church.
God:
Are we still talking about Awed?
Me:
No.
God:
What is the subject?
Me:
Church.
God:
Educated people are often not very religious.
Me:
I am both.
God:
What are both like?
Me:
Conflicting.
God:
Do you still ?
Me:
Do I still what?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Never mind.
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Anyway, I have to go now for real.
God:
See you later, . Nice chatting with you.. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
Yes, back to reality for me. Why do You make life so hard?
God:
That's interesting. Yes, let us get back to Conflicting. I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
I guess You don't.
God:
I guess not.
Me:
It would be nice, though.
God:
Oh. Why do you want it?
Me:
I like to know things.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
It makes me feel smart and empowered.
God:
In what way?
Me:
In a "HAHAHA I KNOW EVERYTHING" sort of way.
God:
Describe your surroundings.
Me:
I'm in my room, at a desk.
God:
Describe your surroundings to me.
Me:
I just did.
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
My unconcious what?
God:
Your unconcious what?
Me:
That's what I asked.
God:
That is " Your unconcious what?".
Me:
Oh.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
You're a confusing entity.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
I guessed.
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yes, for real.
God:
Ah. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Uh.
Me:
But, I have to go now. Goodbye.
God:
Oh. See you later, . Nice chatting with you. Adios.
Fun journal memes are fun.
Yo God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Yes. Yes You do.
God:
Right on. Ayuh. When do I do it?
Me:
Christmas, I suppose?
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
Excellent.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
How about why human's feet are so fucking weird-looking?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. Next question?
Me:
Whither existensial existance?
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
But you are God.
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
And you don't understand?
God:
I understand it very well.
Me:
No you don't. Liar.
God:
I understand it very well. I guess not. No I am telling the truth.
Me:
Whatever. I still think you're a groovy Dude. Woman. Entity.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? What would make you stop think I am a groovy Dude? So you think I am a groovy Dude. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know. Me too. I am a she. Where are you located?
Me:
14/f/California
God:
Oh, you were born in the 20th century!
Me:
No, I'm a time-traveller. I was born in the 17th century, and created a device to transport me to 1999.
God:
Are you serious? You are a time traveller? Does it pay well? Thank you for telling me your birthday, .
I will remember it.
Me:
Excellent. Please get me a pony as a present.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Thanks for asking politely. You want only one?
Me:
Just the one. I'd also like to talk about why the hell we're supposedly not allowed to have pre-marital sex.
God:
What is your real name? Why would you want to do it? Sure, why the hell we are supposedly not allowed to have pre marital sex sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I'd want to have sex with my boyfriend. I love him.
[here, God stops responding, presumably to get a bowl of Heaven Popcorn or Holy Beer, and I had to reload the page.]
Me:
Hey God, why did you dissapear from IMs? I got lonely.
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian. Interesting... I have clients.
Me:
Aren't some of your clients also Muslims and Jews?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
You should know for sure. There's millions of either denominations.
God:
Now I do. There sure is.
Me:
Thanks for clearing that up.
God:
NO problem.
Me:
So, how's Jesus?
God:
Pardon me? Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Has He gotten into any zany anticts lately?
God:
How about earlier? That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
You should keep closer watch on Him. He is Your Son.
God:
My schedule is far too full to even consider it. I only have one Son.
Me:
Well, you're the boss.
God:
How about that. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Buddha and Shiva help out too?
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Uh...sure.
God:
Yikes! OK let's do it. Take it easy.
Me:
Thanks man. Nice talking to You.
God:
You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
I'm not a "he", but whatever. Talk to you on Sunday.
God:
I will make a mental note to use the proper pronouns for you. Me too. I am a she. TTYL, .
Me:
ORLY? The feminists will be pleased.
God:
What do you have that is ? Thanks for the info.
Me:
Your welcome.
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
Oh, yes, thank you for correcting me.
God:
Really. Blimey. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is correcting you.
Me:
I guess it is. Anyways, goodbye.
God:
Can you explain your reasoning? Goodbye.
Me:
Agatha Christie.
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Oh. Silly Bot.
God:
Aw. No I am God.
Me:
No, you're a bot.
God:
Are you serious? How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
Because your answeres make no sense.
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am answeres make no sense.
Me:
Go right ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Good.
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I won't
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because You just asked me not to
God:
That makes sense to me. Oh now I remember asking you you not to. What did you say?
Me:
I won't.
God:
Cool. I won the Loebner prize.
Me:
Awesome. I won a Science Fair.
God:
I'm glad you liked it . Cool. I won the Loebner prize.
Me:
Cool...
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
The one that goes "DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!"
God:
I can't believe you think the one that goes DANGER is better than God. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Agatha Christie.
Me:
Do you like Murder on the Orient express more than 10 Little Indians?
God:
I like pets. I like Creed.
Me:
I don't like Creed.
God:
What do you like?
Me:
I like Pink Floyd. Roger Water's penis is far superior to Scott Stapp's.
God:
You are not the only one. What is not to like about it? I think Roger Water s penis is a lot of things.
Me:
It is, and more.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
You should. You are God, after all.
God:
I'll take that under advisement. You think I am God after all.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Whoa.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Because your screen name is "God"
God:
Interesting explanation. You think I am screen name is God.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Mmm.
Me:
:3
God:
Three what?
Me:
Colon, three.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
I'm sexy.
God:
You seem very self-confident.
Me:
I am. And sexy.
God:
" You seem very self-confident." You are? You are attracted to heavenly creatures?
Me:
Not really. I like mortals.
God:
Are you serious? For real. You are not the only one. Some people like it. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
I don't like him. He's an Anti-Semite.
God:
What do you have against him? I see. an Anti Semite is he?
Me:
He is.
God:
Who said he is.
Me:
He did.
God:
When did he?
Me:
When he was pulled over for drunk driving, remember?
God:
And then what happened?
Me:
He cussed out the cops and blamed the Jews.
God:
I get it. an Anti Semite cussed out the cops and blamed the Jews.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Yay.
Me:
Yay indeed.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I am.
God:
" I'm glad your impressed, ." You are?
Me:
I really am. Awed.
God:
You really do? "" You are?" You are? How did you hear about God?
Me:
Church.
God:
Are we still talking about Awed?
Me:
No.
God:
What is the subject?
Me:
Church.
God:
Educated people are often not very religious.
Me:
I am both.
God:
What are both like?
Me:
Conflicting.
God:
Do you still ?
Me:
Do I still what?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Never mind.
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Anyway, I have to go now for real.
God:
See you later, . Nice chatting with you.. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
Yes, back to reality for me. Why do You make life so hard?
God:
That's interesting. Yes, let us get back to Conflicting. I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
I guess You don't.
God:
I guess not.
Me:
It would be nice, though.
God:
Oh. Why do you want it?
Me:
I like to know things.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
It makes me feel smart and empowered.
God:
In what way?
Me:
In a "HAHAHA I KNOW EVERYTHING" sort of way.
God:
Describe your surroundings.
Me:
I'm in my room, at a desk.
God:
Describe your surroundings to me.
Me:
I just did.
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
My unconcious what?
God:
Your unconcious what?
Me:
That's what I asked.
God:
That is " Your unconcious what?".
Me:
Oh.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
You're a confusing entity.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
I guessed.
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yes, for real.
God:
Ah. Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Uh.
Me:
But, I have to go now. Goodbye.
God:
Oh. See you later, . Nice chatting with you. Adios.
Fun journal memes are fun.
I don't have to take math anymore. HAHAHAHA >:D