So it's just going 10:45pm here and yet again I find it damn near impossible to sleep. There's too much going on in my head lately when I draw I get a kinda buzz and feel everythings alright but reality always finds some way to bitch slap me and bring things back into focus. I thought this year might start a change for me but it's starting off as lousy as the last. I'm under a strained relationship with my mum, a while back I sent some rather personnal pictures to someone I like but she found out about it and hit the roof. She says I act like I don't see what I've done as wrong but quite frankly I don't I've always hated what I look like so I feel distanced from myself I find it really odd if people say I look sexy or something cause I don't think I am. But now my mum checks my email checks who I'm on msn to and checks my phone I feel like a prisoner. But I'm struggling with relationships in general I can't get the same feel I could if I like someone anymore it's like my vision of it is blurred a lot of things to me are like a passing fancy with no substance and I'm sick of it I want something where I feel truly loved where I look forward to coming home and talking to instead of always feeling stressed. Is it so much to ask? Apparently so. Anyway sorry for ranting just needed to focus my head. Anyway it's just gone 10:55 here so I'm gonna see if I can sleep.