Hey.

I am a bit depressed right now everyone. I shouldn't be. By all means I should be a happy well adjusted individual but i'm not and it sucks. I keep crying while im typing and im not sure why so forgive me if the grammar sucks because I really find it hard to care.

I'm a silly girl for ever letting myself think that someone other than me could ever make me truely happy. Because again this evening I find myself faced with the same time old problem. I get comfy and happy and shit then it's all torn apart, but only slightly, I'm not even sure if I should be this upset.

I can't even get around to telling you all exactly what happened but let it be known tht I saw the whole fucking thing coming. Like laying infront of a train and then getting mad aftyer it hits me. You can't get mad at that. You could just sit here like I am and wallow in what could have been. which in all serious is nothing to begin with. Because you already knew that getting together with this person would end and there was no real point to it. aside from letting yourself be carried by this one person.

Addicted to a person. That's what I was. I was addicted to him and the comfort he gave me. I wish he wouldn't have stopped but I would continue to go nowhere with my life. Him being around makes me stop walking my life path but he makes me feel so damn good about myself. He makes me better. But that in itswelf is bad.

I just don't know what to do now. I know I have to get over it and move on but thinking that way seems to fucking simple. I want something to come into my life and change it utterly./ I was devastation and a new way to fight for survival. I NEVER want 2.5 kids a house with a yard. I NEVER want a man to tell me what I am meant to do. I do not want to EVER be happily engaged or married and then become the wife who tolerates her man sleeping around while she suckles some brat from her teet.

I want to live in a world where noone is comfortable. where everything is new again. Where I can search for the fake answers. But here I am instead having to choke down the real truth which is ____________ Blank. There are no answers right now...


I want to know what will make me unafraid. And that thing is to let go of all that is keeping me down, which in all reality is only myself.


u.u; I dunno guys...

I just don't know why i'm living. There seems to be very little point right now.