Well its that time again, the calender has rolled over and we are supposed to remember to write 2011 instead of 2010. The amount of times i have had to scratch out the date and rewrite it is pathetic an its only the second week of the new year.

As usual there are many resolutions which I will no doubt fail to keep or not even bother to attempt. The first of which is to continue with my transition. For those of you who have read anything I have put op on this site and don't know me, I am a transsexual (God I hate that word) and I am and have been trying to change my life for what seems like forever.

This year I want to go all out and just live my life the way i want to, fuck family, fuck co-workers and fuck anyone who has an issue with who and what i am. Thing is, things are not so simple. Work is a bastard, I spend my day surrounded my homophobic fuckers who would just love to beat me to a pulp and run me out of my job and the town where I stay.

I tried to emigrate to Australia but I found out today that my ignant ass does not qualify for a visa. I thought South Africa was part of the so called commonwealth. Doesn't that mean i am a trusted ally? Why do i have to be some kind of genius with multiple degrees to be allowed to enter the country? Maybe when my sister becomes an Australian citizen that will help, who knows.

Back to work, on friday I was told that my boss isn't happy with my performance and that i am not getting an increase. I have not had an increase for 2 years now. All around me prices are increasing, my rent went up as did petrol and now i am struggling. I have to work my ass off now to prove to him i deserve an increase. I have been with the company for 4 years now and he has only transfered to our factory. Last year i pulled many a long night to save other people in the company from looking stoopid and now i am told that my performance is substandard. "Fuck you!!"

There are 5 other people who work with me. One never arrives to work on time and his work is always late, the other is hardly at his desk, he cannot enter his password properly to access his PC and he can never find his drawings. I have to find them for him. The youngest of us is piss ass slow and prefers spending time dreaming and chatting that actually working.

Now I am not the best at what I do, I survive on what little brains I was given and by pure dumb luck but all conceptual drawings, flow sheets and tender drawings are given to me to complete. Every one who wants drawings, information, sketches etc come to me to do the work. Surely this tells my boss that I am worth an increase?

Apologies for the ranting but in truth I just don't care.