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Leading Up To Adulthood Part 1 of 3
15 years ago
It's two days before my bithrday. I have never had a more confusing time.
Yesterday I shattered my record for running a mile by nearly two minutes, with absolutely no extra training or practice. Does the body simply change? It can't. That's not possible. The human body does not simply say, "Hey, you're an adult. It's time to change some of our anatomy and physiology to suit your new needs." That's preposterous.
I suddenly find my mental state in discord. My ideals are changing quickly. I can't explain it. I don't like hanging out with my friend as much as I used to. I just want to be alone and do things by myself. But it can't be blamed on being another year older, can it? Does age change how we want to be socially? It's like my brain suddenly says to itself, "Okay, let's be completely self-sufficient now. Don't go with him/her to that thing, because we have this, and this is much more interesting and important." I hate it. I have to find a way to control it.
My heart is in about fourteen pieces right now, each pulling in a different direction. I can only choose a few of them, though. I can't just decide to have them all be happy, and it kills me. My decision could alter the happiness of many people, not just myself, and that hurts even more than the cuts the shards of my heart are leaving in their wake.
It just doesn't feel right. Is it supposed to? Am I supposed to feel any different? Does it really matter? It's all relative... After all, I'll be a year older than the last. but I'll only be a day older that the day before. Does being 6,574.5 days old really matter that much? Being 6,572 doesn't feel all too special.
By the way, today's Dictionary.com word of the day is "felicitate." It means "to compliment on a good event, or to congradulate."
Ironic, isn't it?
Yesterday I shattered my record for running a mile by nearly two minutes, with absolutely no extra training or practice. Does the body simply change? It can't. That's not possible. The human body does not simply say, "Hey, you're an adult. It's time to change some of our anatomy and physiology to suit your new needs." That's preposterous.
I suddenly find my mental state in discord. My ideals are changing quickly. I can't explain it. I don't like hanging out with my friend as much as I used to. I just want to be alone and do things by myself. But it can't be blamed on being another year older, can it? Does age change how we want to be socially? It's like my brain suddenly says to itself, "Okay, let's be completely self-sufficient now. Don't go with him/her to that thing, because we have this, and this is much more interesting and important." I hate it. I have to find a way to control it.
My heart is in about fourteen pieces right now, each pulling in a different direction. I can only choose a few of them, though. I can't just decide to have them all be happy, and it kills me. My decision could alter the happiness of many people, not just myself, and that hurts even more than the cuts the shards of my heart are leaving in their wake.
It just doesn't feel right. Is it supposed to? Am I supposed to feel any different? Does it really matter? It's all relative... After all, I'll be a year older than the last. but I'll only be a day older that the day before. Does being 6,574.5 days old really matter that much? Being 6,572 doesn't feel all too special.
By the way, today's Dictionary.com word of the day is "felicitate." It means "to compliment on a good event, or to congradulate."
Ironic, isn't it?
I look back and people I've been friends with, and wonder how I even got along with them.
Friends drift apart, family members change; it's a process that, unfortunately sometimes, and fortunately at others, can't be stopped.
Try to be as true to yourself as possible. You don't have to snub your friends or be rude; if they invite you to something you'd rather not do, politely decline. It doesn't matter if you would have said yes in the past, what matters is the present and future.
You never feel as though you've changed; you always feel the same as you did the day before, and that's due to how gradual the changes are; slow change isn't felt, but sudden change is.
If you could meet yourself from the past, or yourself from the future, you'd find that there were incredible differences that were very obvious.
Hope this helps ><
Glad I could help, keep your chin up.
My msn (and yahoo) are on my profile if you're interested in chatting.