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What is so bad about me?
15 years ago
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So, iI'm bad, I am starting ti figure this out.. There is something wrong about me. I mean, I know my flaws.. I know I don't trust easily, I know I've got low self esteem, I know I can be a jerk to people who wrong me. Hell, i know i'm not anything pleasant too look at either.. But I see the same qualities in others, and.. they have friends. But me? I can't seem to hold onto a friend.. for real, for longer than a few months.
I try to be nice to people, I try to be honest to people. and to those close to me, I try to treat them very well. I give when I can, I will do things for people.. make sacrifices.. But time and time again. I get dumped or ditched. I see one person who has several people flying cross country, just to hang out with them.. and yet for me.. I gotta bribe someone to drive an hour to visit me. I've been told recently, 45 mins is a long time to drive just to come see me. Meanwhile the other day, i get a message online from someone who wanted to come from Virginia just to fool around with my ex. I got to a bowling meet, get a half hearted hug while said person was anxiously if this other person was there. Am I really that repulsive? And I'm sick of that hippy "There's nothing wrong with you" bull crap. The results speak. People don't like me. Friends get sick of me...
I try to be nice to people, I try to be honest to people. and to those close to me, I try to treat them very well. I give when I can, I will do things for people.. make sacrifices.. But time and time again. I get dumped or ditched. I see one person who has several people flying cross country, just to hang out with them.. and yet for me.. I gotta bribe someone to drive an hour to visit me. I've been told recently, 45 mins is a long time to drive just to come see me. Meanwhile the other day, i get a message online from someone who wanted to come from Virginia just to fool around with my ex. I got to a bowling meet, get a half hearted hug while said person was anxiously if this other person was there. Am I really that repulsive? And I'm sick of that hippy "There's nothing wrong with you" bull crap. The results speak. People don't like me. Friends get sick of me...
Join the Egyptian party @ 
egyptianfurs
egyptianfurs
Anyway, only about 8 more months of training and I'll be returning to bowling weekends. weee!
The bowling person seems like s/he was waiting for someone else? i know i sound like an ass for saying this, but it can't all be about you, you know? being nice to everyone isn't a fault, but expecting the same from others is. it's nice to think everyone else will respond to you the way you act towards them, but that isn't going to happen all the time. in fact, it's pretty rare to find someone who will.
it may not be that people don't like you, it just seems like you expect them to drop everything to be with you...
... or i could be completely misreading the journal. in that case, disregard that, i'm a dumbass who needs to stop typing stuff.
Why some people will fly that far.... I'd put it to extra time and money on their hands that many don't have. That said, 45 minutes drive doesn't seem like a lot. I've driven 3hrs on the highway to visit someone. Not a lot of times, but I've done it. Maybe that's just me.