FA+
Shop
Okay, it's time I told you the truth. The "real" truth.
15 years ago
General
*lights come up one at a time, revealing a lone being standing on stage, slowly he raises his head until it is in perfect position, his eyes open, looks around, then stares straight at the audience, he takes a few slow deep breathes, opens his mouth, and says...*
I never was a firm believer in myself. I always believed I was an imperfect person and a mistake in life.
Here's a short list of examples:
1) Whenever I got detention in school, or failed on a test, I would go home and try to commit suicide.
2) When my parents sent me to do errands and ended up coming home with the wrong stuff, I would attempt suicide.
3) When I got in my first ever car accident, all I wanted to do was die.
I would accomplish this by either strangling myself, or slitting my throat with my knife. I always believed I was supposed to be perfect, no matter what. After that, I thought that all people are perfect, but me.
I have no pride. I always thought that pride was evil, because pride was one of the seven greatest sins.
That is the "real" truth about myself. If anyone has any tips on how to change myself, then please tell me. Any kind of advice would be helpful.
Here's a short list of examples:
1) Whenever I got detention in school, or failed on a test, I would go home and try to commit suicide.
2) When my parents sent me to do errands and ended up coming home with the wrong stuff, I would attempt suicide.
3) When I got in my first ever car accident, all I wanted to do was die.
I would accomplish this by either strangling myself, or slitting my throat with my knife. I always believed I was supposed to be perfect, no matter what. After that, I thought that all people are perfect, but me.
I have no pride. I always thought that pride was evil, because pride was one of the seven greatest sins.
That is the "real" truth about myself. If anyone has any tips on how to change myself, then please tell me. Any kind of advice would be helpful.
'Pride is evil' is a typical misconception that results from lumping together 'being full of oneself' and self esteem. The purpose of humility is only to protect from the former: thinking that you are worth more than someone else. It doesn't mean you should go all the way to the other side because for the same reason no one is worth more than another one, no one is worth less either.
You have written this journal. That means you have gone through a number of things in your life and came out of them successfully. The fact you are not seeing that doesn't change it. To be there, you have to be a winner at least to some extend.
Perfection is a very nasty poison. Perfection is an illusion. You cannot measure perfection. You cannot touch it. It is one of those words that represent an ideal which by definition cannot be reached. Everybody is perfectly imperfect and I hate perfection. The only thing that matter is what can you learn / do a little bit better tomorrow. I'm writing those words and I can see so many ways in which I'm failing it transcribing my ideas clearly. So to sum up, I think you have unrealistic expectations that makes you look at things from the wrong angle. For me, you seem like a perfectly nice fur so don't let us down.