If anyone has been wondering about my online absence, which I feel not many care too much about since my IM's and other inbox's have been pretty empty the times I was able to check in, nor has anyone asked why I havent posted a mix in herra long. Anywho... the point of this journel entry is for me to explain a very long story with an email I sent to grandmother explaining how she has honestly screwed us, and treated Fox and I like anything but family. If I do need to clarify anything feel free to say so in the comments and I will happily fill in the blanks but here is the gest of what has been going on in my life, and this is why I could not join any of you at FC this year... though no one really asked if I was going so what ever with that as well...

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Mahalo G-ma

There was once upon a time when I always held you with the utmost respect, when ever I would mention who you are and what you meant to me when talking to friends I would always say "She's like my real mother where my mom couldn't be." and I honestly considered this the truth. I can prove this by referring to last year when I came home from working on my first job handed to me by Dan Cohen, when I showed you the stash of diapers in your file cabinet and confessing one of my deepest secrets that can't be a secret as I want to live infantilism as a life style some day. Now even though I mention you in such high regard, I am learning more and more each day that it was actually my doing, and my unhealthy mental state that led to my cruddy childhood and growing an angsty hate, yeah I think if Darnell potty trained me at the right time instead of way too early I probably wouldn't enjoy diapers as much as I do, but I also know that she was trying her best to raise a potentially fucked up son and I don't know if you contributed to this, but towards the ending months the led to our falling out I saw alot of traits that I am trying to better myself of, in you.

The first time we tried to raise an issue with you, you claim to had listened to our discomforts and problems... though how you addressed them was completely ass backwards of what we were saying. Basically we were asking for you too give us a night of sleep if we are too carry out your chores on the whim that you think of them and expect them done pretty much immediately... and too have open communication as a normal family would have. YOUR solution to this was to try and form a half assed contract that gives Danny jr full control over us, and ontop of that you still woke us up an hour into our sleep for something we had nothing to do with. Since you did nothing with our concerns and we were still disagreeing with you since you did not change anything but made things worse you told us... its work or hit the road, I want to make it clear to you that a normal family member NO... a normal person that has no blood relation to you does not joke about statements like that, especially in the situation you gave us. So we acted on what you REALLY told us in reality, the fact that you said you were joking after we were homeless through Halloween to my birthday and then some is incredibly fucked up.

Back to the before mentioned respect, I convinced Justin to try living on your property again instead of living homeless. This is where things snowballed out of control and you really showed your colors, you made it quite clear that you never wanted Justin to be around and that we should not be planning a future together. I think I need to explain why this is wrong to YOU but anyone else would see this as wrong from the get-go, unlike you and grandpa, we are together to live life together, experience it's hardships, ravish in its gifts, and grow together. As I think about you and grandpa I see how you would not know what any of this means, since for example, instead of respecting the fact that Grandpa is gone, you parade his death around for try and win the pitty of others and show no regard for any of the things that he has learned in his lifetime nor anything that he stands for. Well come to think of it, you got his homophobia down pretty good. To put things into perspective, you would not be invited to my wedding because you do not agree with it, the day we came to get our stuff, you literally barfed and shouted verbal diarrhea, accusing Justin of "Brain Washing" me and that he is using me as "a sex slave" which is also saying that you think of me as a fool, and that I do not think for myself if I have gotten myself in this situation, and that I am a complete negligent dumb ass for not doing anything about it.

The final straw. To sum up our last confrontation, you couldn't even acknowledge that what you were saying was offending me... you said "No that doesn't offend you"... again going back to the though that I can't think for myself, you prove that you believe that. When you couldn't take our real facts, you go batshit crazy and start screaming out your window to our friends, and calling Uncle on his work line to gossip lies. What you referred to was when I said that I and Justin saw Daniel Jr. smoking in his truck alone at 4 AM, and that he was coughing alot, when he never coughs from cigarettes, and that Auntie saw the same thing, but at no time did I ever say that Auntie told us she saw him smoking "Meth"... That assumption was mine and Justins, especially mine because both Daniel and Scotty talked about the 8-ball Scotty gave Daniel infront of me. (Also Im very proud you sold Grandpa's bike and my inheritance to a meth and narcotic addict)What you told Auntie and Uncle was that I told you they informed me of Daniel using meth, this is why I said you were so wrong, but you wouldn't listen to me, you know what you did!?! you said, verbatim "Fuck you, Fuck you, you know what Angelo, you do not need me anymore." and at that point you hung up, with so much respect for me to not allow me to talk to you when you were wrong and were hurting the neighborhood.

"You don't need me anymore" you were saying that you needed me, for me to be in Maui, for you. And you treat me like this, you disregard that you are partly responsible for us leaving all of our responsibilities in California, we may lose all our property out there now, You make it clear you don't want me to be happy with Justin and try to get in-between us when ever you think you can. And you try to hurt my relationship with people I consider my second family and thank god they could see the way passed your BS and still consider us family as well. You show zero respect for Grandpa and you demand I respect you for going through such a hard time, but ontop of not respecting Grandpa how can I respect you for going to massage therapy instead of something real like cognitive talk therapy?

I want to say thank you for the random money wirings that you have done, you should hopefully know that what you have done has put me in a situation where any money is good money, but if you ever want to communicate with me again I want to see a few things happen first.

Lastly, you hold Daniel Jr back, and I see him going out to Scotty's all the time now, but at odd times, do what you want with that information.

It urks me that you act like nothing has happened when you leave messages on my phone. I love you as the Grandma I remember from California, but I do not respect a single thing about you as a person.

-Angie

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Thank you for reading...