FA+
Shop
Story Of It All.
14 years ago
Here it is, everything.
Forgetting the beginning of my life, and every relationship from then besides my two close best friends, my girls. I've been with some real awful people, and particular others in my life know about those.
Recently, things have been going off the rail. When i was with KM, as what i am going to refer to him as, things started out as well as could be expected. And for four years i was with him, and things began going wrong. Computer games take over so many men's lives and stops then doing anything. Like not cooking or caring or cleaning or helping. Nothing. Not even going out for a night, dinner or movie, not even only a movie. Nothing.
Things broke, and i left. Since being back home i was determined to get things in order and i have my certificates. Some more males, however, decided they wanted to be a part of my life as well. The first, being an old school friend who has made everything a right little awkward mess, even though i refused to be with him. Secondly there was someone who got to know me, went out, asked for dates until i caved and said i would be with him. The day after i did he would go on about getting a job and making himself something and moving his band under way and everything else.
Naturally the same screw ups happened, he never even wrote out a resume, no matter how many times he said he was going to or wanted to, so i started reminding him and trying to help. I must have just always gotten in the way because before i know it we're taking a break and then he is kissing his best friend. Not to mention leaving me deserted at the pub to go off with some other girl he used to date.
That naturally ended, and when i tried to turn things around to some positive manner, he ended up saying or acting into things that came across as me being ditched by him, a second time. The third person involved, i apparently damaged his former relationship just by damn well talking to him and getting along, trying to be friends with people i had barely met before. Wonderful, no? Now hes nice enough, and he tried, i can't say he doesn't try. But he is constantly making things out to be mountainous problems and hes been hurting me. Emotionally. Mentally.
If anyone ever again hurts me physically i will break their jaw. Among other joint, more then likely.
The fourth, is the man i have been in love with before and have wanted to be with for a very long time, but who keeps giving me mixed signals about whether he does or doesn't want me. Saying he wants to see where things go, but he doesn't want to commit to being with me. There is no way that can work out in my mind, because i don't want to be waiting around constantly.
I want to be with someone. I don't like being alone. But im a strong woman, and i know i can handle the let downs and i can be alone for as long as it takes to find a decent person to be with. I've done it before and i have dealt with this sort of desperately miserably feeling and i haven't succeeding in dying from it yet, so im surely going to be fine.
But for now, for this moment, im going on an exercise, fitness, health crusade, so that i can stay distracted enough to not think about anything. I will come out to see people and re-socialize myself when i feel like i am able to face things well again.
And for now, on the 'other people related to my life' side of things, i think that is about all.
Forgetting the beginning of my life, and every relationship from then besides my two close best friends, my girls. I've been with some real awful people, and particular others in my life know about those.
Recently, things have been going off the rail. When i was with KM, as what i am going to refer to him as, things started out as well as could be expected. And for four years i was with him, and things began going wrong. Computer games take over so many men's lives and stops then doing anything. Like not cooking or caring or cleaning or helping. Nothing. Not even going out for a night, dinner or movie, not even only a movie. Nothing.
Things broke, and i left. Since being back home i was determined to get things in order and i have my certificates. Some more males, however, decided they wanted to be a part of my life as well. The first, being an old school friend who has made everything a right little awkward mess, even though i refused to be with him. Secondly there was someone who got to know me, went out, asked for dates until i caved and said i would be with him. The day after i did he would go on about getting a job and making himself something and moving his band under way and everything else.
Naturally the same screw ups happened, he never even wrote out a resume, no matter how many times he said he was going to or wanted to, so i started reminding him and trying to help. I must have just always gotten in the way because before i know it we're taking a break and then he is kissing his best friend. Not to mention leaving me deserted at the pub to go off with some other girl he used to date.
That naturally ended, and when i tried to turn things around to some positive manner, he ended up saying or acting into things that came across as me being ditched by him, a second time. The third person involved, i apparently damaged his former relationship just by damn well talking to him and getting along, trying to be friends with people i had barely met before. Wonderful, no? Now hes nice enough, and he tried, i can't say he doesn't try. But he is constantly making things out to be mountainous problems and hes been hurting me. Emotionally. Mentally.
If anyone ever again hurts me physically i will break their jaw. Among other joint, more then likely.
The fourth, is the man i have been in love with before and have wanted to be with for a very long time, but who keeps giving me mixed signals about whether he does or doesn't want me. Saying he wants to see where things go, but he doesn't want to commit to being with me. There is no way that can work out in my mind, because i don't want to be waiting around constantly.
I want to be with someone. I don't like being alone. But im a strong woman, and i know i can handle the let downs and i can be alone for as long as it takes to find a decent person to be with. I've done it before and i have dealt with this sort of desperately miserably feeling and i haven't succeeding in dying from it yet, so im surely going to be fine.
But for now, for this moment, im going on an exercise, fitness, health crusade, so that i can stay distracted enough to not think about anything. I will come out to see people and re-socialize myself when i feel like i am able to face things well again.
And for now, on the 'other people related to my life' side of things, i think that is about all.
I don't have limits. I have a life i want to share, to be with someone.
But i do have a career, i do have educational intentions, and i won't put them on hold for people. Another thing the next person i end up with would have to accept.
You've obviously been associated with a fair few dicks, then... Like, only a real jackarse ditches his girlfriend at a pub to screw over with someone else. That's low...
Also, by the seems of "Caving in" Don't let yourself be dragged into things like that, you should, doesn't mean you have to, but should go into something like that when you're happy to.
As for Mr. Mixed Signals... I'd stop going after him. I read something somewhere... "Don't make someone a priority if they're making you an option" In other words, if he's umming and aahhhing about being with you, he's only keeping you as a "Just in case" option... Not where you ought to be...
But good on you, get a life behind you, you don't NEED a boyfriend to be your own person... Just be happy when your one does come along and -sticks-
Though, I am with Sariya on this one, friends are good, stick with those. When you're ready to hit the social arena again, hang with some buddies, hopefully it'll make you feel better...