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My RL riding diary: Visiting the Irish Cob
15 years ago
General
Sometimes you need a vent to get something out of your system, or your mind will be stuck pondering about it again and again.
I started to work with horses 18 months ago; and I am not talking about riding here, I am talking about getting closer to horses for the very first time. So all in all you can still call me a newbie. But I think I have developed a way to interact with them. I treat them with respect and expect to be treated with the similar respect. So when I get into the way of a horse I expect it to give way. But on the other hand I only provoke situation like that when I need to.
And up to now I have had only the best experiences with this sharing of respect. Usually a horse would test me once or twice. But as soon as it realizes that my actions are predictable and relaxed, but that I won’t accept disrespectful behavior at the same time, we usually get along very well.
But what is my experience compared to that of people who have worked with horses for twenty years? That is why I find it very hard to criticize them when I see how they act around their own horses. And then there are events like last weekend...
I visited a couple I knew loosely from a local horse chat. They own a few Irish Cob (or tinker, as we call them here). Both of them made a fair impression on me on the chat so I was actually looking forward to meet them. The greeting was friendly and as it was already late and we knew the sun would soon set, we decided to go out and have a look at the horses.
We went to the mares’ paddock first. It was a small place, barely big enough for the three of them. The mud was covered with their droppings and all of the three looked like no one had taken care of their mane for days. But what really shocked me and actually silenced me was the behavior of the woman around the horses. She permanently invaded the personal space of the mares, grappled for them while yelling at them. She was acting more like a three-year old kid with stuffed animals than a mature woman in her thirties with real living beings. I saw how the horses tried to evade her again and again which was quite difficult on the tight paddock.
And while she told me how “terribly bitchy” the horses were, she shooed one of the mares around to force her to give way. And as she couldn’t go anywhere else the mare turned around and showed the woman her rear side. That made her furious: “You dirty old bitch, you dare to show me your back? Quick,” she demanded her husband, “gimmi something to throw!” She picked up some plastic thing that was laying on the ground and threw it at the horse.
*sigh*
Yes, I was shocked. Why you ask? No, the impact of the plastic device on the mare’s butt didn’t actually hurt her. I was shocked because the woman let herself totally go. She acted absolutely not predictable for the horse. First she forced the mare out of her way. And when she complied the woman actually got furious and loud. And then, when the moment was long gone and the horse had no chance to connect the woman’s doing to the horse turning its rear end to her she threw that thing. And even throwing is in my eyes an act that shows no control of your actions at all.
We went on to another paddock with a stallion and a young gelding. The woman warned me about the stallion: “He can be a real bitch, you better be careful around him!” The stallion was a real beauty. Or… he could have been a real beauty, if someone had worked with him. His sides were sunken from the lack of exercise. His wonderful thick neck was missing all signs of the strong muscles you’d expect.
“You see, he is very difficult to ride,” was what she told me about the stallion. I swallowed my answer down as I was standing next to him, scratching and massaging the sensitive spot behind his ears. Her husband placed some hay into the paddock and naturally that caught the stallion’s interest.
I allowed him to inspect the hay – but I knew I had to get out of there, otherwise I’d say something I’d be sorry for. So all I did was to tap with one finger onto the stallion’s chest, made an inviting gesture with my other hand to his back and clicked with my tongue. And tell you what? That “real bitch” immediately took two step backwards and allowed me to pass between him and his hay.
I am sorry. Even as I am writing this I am torn. On the one hand I’ve seen these horses barely longer than two hours. And of course my experiences with horses are limited. But on the other hand I just feel this urge to just yell at that woman to bring her to her senses. And the only thing that held me back was that it must be pretty arrogant from a newb like me to believe he knows it all better.
I started to work with horses 18 months ago; and I am not talking about riding here, I am talking about getting closer to horses for the very first time. So all in all you can still call me a newbie. But I think I have developed a way to interact with them. I treat them with respect and expect to be treated with the similar respect. So when I get into the way of a horse I expect it to give way. But on the other hand I only provoke situation like that when I need to.
And up to now I have had only the best experiences with this sharing of respect. Usually a horse would test me once or twice. But as soon as it realizes that my actions are predictable and relaxed, but that I won’t accept disrespectful behavior at the same time, we usually get along very well.
But what is my experience compared to that of people who have worked with horses for twenty years? That is why I find it very hard to criticize them when I see how they act around their own horses. And then there are events like last weekend...
I visited a couple I knew loosely from a local horse chat. They own a few Irish Cob (or tinker, as we call them here). Both of them made a fair impression on me on the chat so I was actually looking forward to meet them. The greeting was friendly and as it was already late and we knew the sun would soon set, we decided to go out and have a look at the horses.
We went to the mares’ paddock first. It was a small place, barely big enough for the three of them. The mud was covered with their droppings and all of the three looked like no one had taken care of their mane for days. But what really shocked me and actually silenced me was the behavior of the woman around the horses. She permanently invaded the personal space of the mares, grappled for them while yelling at them. She was acting more like a three-year old kid with stuffed animals than a mature woman in her thirties with real living beings. I saw how the horses tried to evade her again and again which was quite difficult on the tight paddock.
And while she told me how “terribly bitchy” the horses were, she shooed one of the mares around to force her to give way. And as she couldn’t go anywhere else the mare turned around and showed the woman her rear side. That made her furious: “You dirty old bitch, you dare to show me your back? Quick,” she demanded her husband, “gimmi something to throw!” She picked up some plastic thing that was laying on the ground and threw it at the horse.
*sigh*
Yes, I was shocked. Why you ask? No, the impact of the plastic device on the mare’s butt didn’t actually hurt her. I was shocked because the woman let herself totally go. She acted absolutely not predictable for the horse. First she forced the mare out of her way. And when she complied the woman actually got furious and loud. And then, when the moment was long gone and the horse had no chance to connect the woman’s doing to the horse turning its rear end to her she threw that thing. And even throwing is in my eyes an act that shows no control of your actions at all.
We went on to another paddock with a stallion and a young gelding. The woman warned me about the stallion: “He can be a real bitch, you better be careful around him!” The stallion was a real beauty. Or… he could have been a real beauty, if someone had worked with him. His sides were sunken from the lack of exercise. His wonderful thick neck was missing all signs of the strong muscles you’d expect.
“You see, he is very difficult to ride,” was what she told me about the stallion. I swallowed my answer down as I was standing next to him, scratching and massaging the sensitive spot behind his ears. Her husband placed some hay into the paddock and naturally that caught the stallion’s interest.
I allowed him to inspect the hay – but I knew I had to get out of there, otherwise I’d say something I’d be sorry for. So all I did was to tap with one finger onto the stallion’s chest, made an inviting gesture with my other hand to his back and clicked with my tongue. And tell you what? That “real bitch” immediately took two step backwards and allowed me to pass between him and his hay.
I am sorry. Even as I am writing this I am torn. On the one hand I’ve seen these horses barely longer than two hours. And of course my experiences with horses are limited. But on the other hand I just feel this urge to just yell at that woman to bring her to her senses. And the only thing that held me back was that it must be pretty arrogant from a newb like me to believe he knows it all better.
Personally i don't care how many years experience someone has- i'm also a relative newbie when it comes to working with and around horses, but if people are doing something as blatantly wrong as this then they ought to be told. Just because you've done something for years doesn't necessarily mean you're doing it right... I mean who in their right mind throws something at a horse to punish them for reacting to the person's silly actions- It's like punishing a dog for biting you after you've just poked it in the eye!! How would the woman in question feel if someone walked up to her, started invading her personal space, started pushing her around and then threw things at her?
No wonder they were 'bitchy' around her- i know i would be!! I wonder how many times she's been bitten or kicked
I understand stallions can be difficult, but even if he's difficult to ride couldn't they exercise him another way? Get him pulling something perhaps, bulk up those muscles a bit... If he'll let a complete stranger scritch him and if he'll respond to a stranger's commands (even when there's food involved !!) then i'm sure he can't be too difficult?
You have a good amount of self control !!
There is something my first instructor told me - if you don't earn the horse's respect when standing with your own feet on the ground you'll never earn it when sitting on his back. That's what I had in mind during the first 8 month when I did not learn how to ride but how to handle horses from the ground, excercise them.
As for the stallion: Of course it would take some time. But man, he's so worth it. I would love to take that time and slowly build his muscles up again. He's eight years old now and he'd make a wonderful riding horse. If only he was a little taller. I am 1,90m tall and my dream is a horse of at least 1,70m. The stallion in question is 1,64m. Oh, and of course he's not for sale.
The way you describe the woman's actions seems harsh. The woman I know would have found it totally out of line. There is a difference between asserting dominance and being cruel, and when people have a bad attitude about it and think they spy insolence, often their own emotions can get out of hand when they want to "Teach that animal a lesson."
So you're right in part I think. I will say that the horses could probably have worse owners, which is not a happy thought, but she certainly wasn't acting well. From what you describe, I think the woman just doesn't really understand, and could probably use a few lessons of her own. I don't think she likely hates the horses - she'd probably like to think that she "loves" them "despite" their temperments, and has unrealistic expectations. Perhaps she took the "showing the hindquarters" as a threaten to kick, or something of the sort. I can tell you that throwing something at a horse while its back is turned to you is generally not a good idea, which goes to say something for her knowledge of horse-handling.
The woman strikes me as being a bit arrogant, likes to be "in charge," and likes to believe she knows what she's doing. I think having authority over something maintains that for her, and that she takes pride in her "knowledge" and probably even in her dominant behavior toward the horses. It's a sad thing, really.
You have my sympathy, and I don't blame you for your feelings. I'm not sure that it's something yelling at her will fix though - it could possibly even make it worse, despite how often we like to play out in our imaginations a situation where we yell some heartfelt words and change their lives. In reality, we have absolutely no power to change a person's heart. We can implore them, reason with them, plead with them, even punish them, but a person will never change unless they want to, and that is ultimately beyond our power.
If you want to try and make a difference for the horses, you might find gently sharing some of your techniques may actually be more effective than you think, saying, "I've found this actually works well for me." Sometimes it can get people to thinking there's a better way. Not always, but, sometimes. While my faith in humanity is not what it could be, I have met enough people to know that even in sorry cases, not everything is necessarily lost. Sometimes even human beings need a little understanding for their otherwise appalling behavior.
With your kind and understanding words you helped me a lot to grasp a lot of thoughts I had myself but couldn't really fully understand.
Yes, I think you are right. And especially about the "not yelling at her"-part. As I said - I would have felt sorry if I had. Then again... the couple lives 70miles away. I doubt that I will visit them so quickly again. And I am not sure if I actually want to change her. There is so much more trouble going on there, things I left out for the sake of writing a short journal. The swamp of old hate and hurt feelings is much deeper, deep enough for a therapist to earn his kids' college money.
Whom I really feel sorry for is the stallion. I can't get him out of my mind. But it's more pity - which is maybe a good thing. If he had manage to break my heart I would set heaven and hell into motion to get my hands on him.
Thank you for reading my journal. And thank you so much for taking the time to write the comment.