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Again!
15 years ago
So, here I am once again, writing my feelings down on this note, wishing you'd read them, wishing that I could make you feel for me how I've been dying from for the past 5 months, I'm sweating, as I always am now, from stress and tension. I'm on the verge of crying. You don't know what this heart break did to me. And you never will. I've done things I'm not proud of, just to try and fill that piece of shattered pottery I call a heart. I TRIED TO BURN ALL THOSE FUCKING NOTES! But I couldn't. I couldn't... I would light it, and the next second find myself crying and wailing as I tried to put it out. It feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest when I look at you. When you're close to me I find myself suffocating, like i'm back under water. When you look my way I want to fall over. When your far from me I feel empty, like the clock will stop where it is and I'll melt through the cracks in the surface. All those words you said to me, they're fucking stirring in my head. My head burns! When I see that "boyfriend" of yours, I feel like a gladiator, ready to cleave his head from his neck. He's a bad guy, but you won't read this, you won't listen to anyone. You don't seem to understand anything anyone tells you.
i love you i love you i love you i love you I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! Why is it so bad, why can't you return to me. Why do I have to burn and hurt. How can you keep going so easily. Was I only a rebound, did you just use me so you could stop hurting, WHY WON'T YOU APOLOGIZE DAMMIT! You wanted to be friends, and constantly tried to force me into being around you, now WHEN I WANT TO BE AROUND YOU, YOU FUCKING IGNORE ME, REFUSE TO BE AROUND ME, AND WHEN YOU ARE YOU PARADE THAT FUCKING SKINNY SHIT HEAD CLONE OF ME AROUND. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do to get anyone to look at me is to cry, I just want to cry dammit, but when I do... everything hurts worse. Nothing seems to help anymore, I just want your affirmation, I want to talk to you, but when you're around I choke up, I'm falling apart, did nothing I ever said to you stick. Do you find yourself thinking that person you're sleeping with is me? Do you ever walk into your room and expect me to be sitting on your bed waiting for you? When you wake up, do you expect me to be next to you? When he gets in your car do you want it to become me? WELL I DO! I can't go anywhere without wanting you to replace everything. I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYWHERE! That's what hurts the most, I feel empty, like something I want so much is out of reach and it always will be.
i love you i love you i love you i love you I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! Why is it so bad, why can't you return to me. Why do I have to burn and hurt. How can you keep going so easily. Was I only a rebound, did you just use me so you could stop hurting, WHY WON'T YOU APOLOGIZE DAMMIT! You wanted to be friends, and constantly tried to force me into being around you, now WHEN I WANT TO BE AROUND YOU, YOU FUCKING IGNORE ME, REFUSE TO BE AROUND ME, AND WHEN YOU ARE YOU PARADE THAT FUCKING SKINNY SHIT HEAD CLONE OF ME AROUND. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do to get anyone to look at me is to cry, I just want to cry dammit, but when I do... everything hurts worse. Nothing seems to help anymore, I just want your affirmation, I want to talk to you, but when you're around I choke up, I'm falling apart, did nothing I ever said to you stick. Do you find yourself thinking that person you're sleeping with is me? Do you ever walk into your room and expect me to be sitting on your bed waiting for you? When you wake up, do you expect me to be next to you? When he gets in your car do you want it to become me? WELL I DO! I can't go anywhere without wanting you to replace everything. I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYWHERE! That's what hurts the most, I feel empty, like something I want so much is out of reach and it always will be.
