right now i just received the first pakage, in fact the first letter ive ever recived, quiet possibly in my entire life(not counting xmas cards or bs like that. this is a true unasked for gift to make me happy for no reason other than someone out there cares about me). it was sent by the wonderful  kurse (you should check out her page and plz commission her).

ive been doing bad latly, i havent told anyone but i got my midterms back and while last two quarters ive been getting A's this quarter ive been doing terrible(probably cause i have the internet now). i havent told anyone this but i got a 67 on my anatomy and physiology lecture midterm, i probably flunked my lab practical though i havent gotten it back, i got a77(wich i can probably raise to a B- if i talk to my teacher), and this morning i got a 71% on my chem 128(a sophomore level class) midterm..... if i dont do well, im gonna loose my funding and loose my apartment and be in huge debt. This package just made this deep despair ive been hiding inside well up and i think i can finally start to fix thngs and realize i have a sever problem.

like i said this is the first gift ive really gotten, the first care package. not to sob story but while you might know me as a nice guy i had a kinda shitty past. my family hasnt been paying for my tuition or food or housing (ive had housing paid by them for the last few months as long as get good grades, but i still dont have money other than loans for food or anything else)

a year after leaving my house and going o college i finally found people that were nice to me when i really got deep into rave culture, unfortunately rave culture is very very quickly shifting (and they do many illigal things wich even got me arrested though i didnt break the law) and i had the people i held dearest no shun me because they use drugs and have fucked their heads (luckily the sober ravers and the ravers i havent gotten super close to stil give me love). i even made a real raver family and we had a xmas party when my real family wouldnt even have me over.

i had to go through experiencing realizing i was bi pretty much alone, and had 3 online boyfriends who all ended up going psycho, due to drugs, or being a slut, or being obsessively controlling. i finally had a irl boyfriend but he has been the first person banned from the local furs after he threatened to kill a kid this fc and ditched me in san jose, blaming it on a PTS attack casue the kid asked him if he had gotten any yiff at con so far. (but even still i thank kitsuki kitsune, brax/submissive huskeh, smokey the lion, ookawolf, cause while you did some horrible things to me, you still helped me grow and we did have some great times together)

after really getting into the furry fandom i found people that were truly nice. the level of shallowness and cliques and deceit is lower than anything ive ever found. people here are truly nice. we have our drama... but people let me be someone who ive never been before except in the rave world, and thats loved and loving. i cant really express how much you people mean to me, i wish everyday was con. i hope this happiness lasts and this culture doesnt turn out to be dark and i get fooled again, cause this is the best thing to ever happen to me.


i havent cried in over a year( excluding at registration for FC last year, my first con). now that im writing this and letting it all out and i got that pakage from  kurse im tearing up and nearly crying, and im shivering with goosebumps. she is AMAZING, and i really cant thank her enough. ive gotten some amazing gifts from shavii and ralph fawnlett, mystick shinigami crush and a bunch of other furries, xale and darkstrype even let me stay in their home for a while. quietfire has been an amazing amazing source of support and love and he means a TON to me(i just realized he sent me a gift too, but while still special and amazing an i love him for it, this feels diffrent, but thank you so much quietfire i love you ton!!!!!!!). quiet fire and damien firetail even housed me at cons that i wouldnt have been able to afford otherwise, even recently  lavafox offered to make me a fursuit head for practically free. moegoofie, expy, krizzle, seramonster, freya, fuffy,catalyst, scooby, dez and many many many more have all been amazing nice and kind to me. my friend sachie let me use her fursuits twice!! ive recived some GREAT free art and kandie and chain mail that has brightened my day and kumo made me poi and art too. kage, a local fur, and even my ex (when we were dating) took me to costco and kage bought me about 200$ of food when i had literally 17$ for 2 months and had only been eating top ramen for abotu a week straight cause they saw my situation. maxx a local artic fox, has always beent here to support me and im so glad hes my rave brother, like i wouldnt be here without him, i might not even be alive without him.

i dunno i had to let this out *snorts and quivers*. i really love you all, i love the fandom, you are warmth where ive had so little in my life. im sry i had to vent and complain about how my life was so hard(blah blah blah).

im gonna try to not be on FA or the internet so much(until the break) since i need to fix the fucking up ive done this quarter with my grades so you might not see me as often, but know i cherish you all so much.

this is the closest ive come to crying in a long long time *sniffles*, so thank you thank you all so much... i really dont know how to express what this, what you, all means to me.

special thanks to  quietfire and  kurse you two are so so so amazing

(if i forgot to mention you for something you've done for me im so so so sorry, im kinda shaken up right now, i also have had some amazing ravers in my life but this isnt about that)
PLUR & FUR <3