SCAT honors millionth bus rider [Not that scat, the one people ride on]

Glued toilet-seat man out of coma [you just can't make this stuff up]

Presumed idiot criminal uploads pix of self from stolen iMac [Police nickname him iDumbass]

Police: Pot-Smoking Teens Made Up Invasion Story After Accidental Shooting [don't do drugs kids]

Group drops 'JewTube' trademark bid [Seriously, did anyone see this going well?]

Beverage Control Chief Faces DUI Charge
Kentucky's Alcoholic Beverage Control Director Faces DUI Charge After Being Pulled Over

Mysterious infection blamed on tongue piercing [Sure it is....]

Muslim dentist ‘made patient cover her head’ [Bonus: Dentist's name is Mr. Butt]

YCSO: Naked Woman Throws Rocks At Family [butt ugly to boot]

Sponsorship plan for the Golden Gate Bridge an unpopular idea [I like Fark.com's headline better: San Franciscan's take issue with the possibility of the 'Viagra Golden Gate Bridge']

Drunk driver tries to outrun police ... in a tractor

Cops riding bicycles 'too risky' British POLICE have been stopped from riding BICYCLES — in case they fall off and get hurt. [Yep, and England says the US is dumb]

French PM Fillon tells farmers 'France is broke' [Next you'll see France asking the Americans to aid in giving food.]

Airline comes out with gay-themed flight [I see this going well...it might actually go better than the Feminist Rally Group flight, but unlikely]

(lastly) The new Britney Spears hit, "Oops I Hit a Parked Car" [second line would be: I flashed my headlights, Got Stuck on high beams]