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I've Sworn to Use My Powers....for EEEEVIIIIIL!!!!
14 years ago
so, I've launched into a new major project with the miniatures, until I finally settle on a Warhammer Fantasy army that I actually want to play. Bret's handed me one of his "bitz"-boxes, and it's full of assorted plastic joy. Mostly Space Marines, of course.
Now, it bears keeping in mind, the Space Marines, in Warhammer 40k, have all of these hilariously overcompensating ROMAN names, with ten syllables and at least one part of each name ending in "-ius", all in a massive pile of Psuedo-Latin nonsense. The purists who cling to this game like it's a lifestyle (miniatures gaming's equivalent to the horrible fetishist Furries) eat it up, and of course, will pitch an Aspberger's fit if you refer to the Space Marines as anything other than "Adeptus Astartes". The point of this paragraph being, as you flip through all these over-masculine names, one of them sticks out: Pedro Kantor.
Pedro Kantor.
Now, I know, and I'm sure others know, that "Pedro" is Latin for "Peter", but when it's next to "MARNEUS AUGUSTUS CALGAR", or "CATO SICARIUS" or "TIGURIUS", "Pedro" is, well, a comically understated name. So, in order to make fun of the Ultramarines, and their mega-purist players, I make fun of Pedro's name in relation to them.
With me so far?
So, about a year ago, I bought Pedro's miniature, slapped a Sombrero on him, a poncho, a mustache, a pair of maracas.....then on his flag pole I have a banner reading "VOTE FOR PEDRO!" and a pinata, the pole capped with a cactus. Of late, I've been making a squad of veterans to go with him, done up as Luchadores (Mexican masked wrestlers). They are, of course, in comically dynamic poses, depicted as being in the act of leaping, cartwheeling, et cetera, or otherwise brandishing their weaponry in as senselessly overt a fashion as possible. Each has had his helmetless head re-sculpted into a Lucha-mask, which on a head the size of a BB, is a bit easier said than done.
Well, I ran out of helmetless heads, so for now, I'm on a tank. Specifically, it's going to have a four-level spoiler, coffee-can mufflers, clashing stripes, and most challengingly....undercarriage lights. ULTRAVIOLET undercarriage LED lights!
Just think....what if I used these kinds of powers for good? We'll never know, because dammit, I have too much fun antagonizing the dinguses in the stores who pitch a fit that anyone plays any army other than the one they play...
Now, it bears keeping in mind, the Space Marines, in Warhammer 40k, have all of these hilariously overcompensating ROMAN names, with ten syllables and at least one part of each name ending in "-ius", all in a massive pile of Psuedo-Latin nonsense. The purists who cling to this game like it's a lifestyle (miniatures gaming's equivalent to the horrible fetishist Furries) eat it up, and of course, will pitch an Aspberger's fit if you refer to the Space Marines as anything other than "Adeptus Astartes". The point of this paragraph being, as you flip through all these over-masculine names, one of them sticks out: Pedro Kantor.
Pedro Kantor.
Now, I know, and I'm sure others know, that "Pedro" is Latin for "Peter", but when it's next to "MARNEUS AUGUSTUS CALGAR", or "CATO SICARIUS" or "TIGURIUS", "Pedro" is, well, a comically understated name. So, in order to make fun of the Ultramarines, and their mega-purist players, I make fun of Pedro's name in relation to them.
With me so far?
So, about a year ago, I bought Pedro's miniature, slapped a Sombrero on him, a poncho, a mustache, a pair of maracas.....then on his flag pole I have a banner reading "VOTE FOR PEDRO!" and a pinata, the pole capped with a cactus. Of late, I've been making a squad of veterans to go with him, done up as Luchadores (Mexican masked wrestlers). They are, of course, in comically dynamic poses, depicted as being in the act of leaping, cartwheeling, et cetera, or otherwise brandishing their weaponry in as senselessly overt a fashion as possible. Each has had his helmetless head re-sculpted into a Lucha-mask, which on a head the size of a BB, is a bit easier said than done.
Well, I ran out of helmetless heads, so for now, I'm on a tank. Specifically, it's going to have a four-level spoiler, coffee-can mufflers, clashing stripes, and most challengingly....undercarriage lights. ULTRAVIOLET undercarriage LED lights!
Just think....what if I used these kinds of powers for good? We'll never know, because dammit, I have too much fun antagonizing the dinguses in the stores who pitch a fit that anyone plays any army other than the one they play...
