If i could change anything, I think i would change toward my attitude towards my family, My dad has prostate cancer, and we used to fight all the time. He would tease, I'd get mad and one day when i was about 15 i think i told him "Life would be so much better if you just ****ing DROPPED DEAD!" He was stunned, but he still continued to tease, and i would insult him. Now were not on the "best" of terms by a normal degree, but where sort've getting along when i see him. Also if many many guys were hitting on you, have fun with it! : 3

I know that changing your behaviour around your family is a tough thing to do, even if you WANT to change, it's so easy to fall back into the same patterns when you're around them, because all it takes is one little action to trigger your own anger and stir up all those negative emotions again. Have you tried recently having a heart to heart with him? When I wanted to get along with my mom again after a huge fight, I wrote her a letter and left it on her pillow. At the bottom I said "don't try to talk to me in person about this, because I won't be receptive to it, but if you read this and you feel better, give me a hug" and I got a hug from it. Some things can be expressed then not have to be spoken about..

haha and getting hit on is a nuisance.. it's not like it's even quality people, or maybe they're quality on their own time, but clubs aren't exactly conducive to that sort of thing. One, because I don't drink at clubs and I sound like a jerk turning down offers for drinks. Two, I have more fun just leaning on a wall and observing everyone, but I guess that's what makes it look like I have nothing to do so people feel less intimidated walking up to me, I dunno, lol..and i'm not interested anyways XD

You shouldn't be a wallflower, I was like that for a long long time, and now when I go to the party, i end up dancing with everyone (and honestly, I'm not the best looking guys) Last party i was at, i ended up with a couple numbers in hand,just always remember, are they really going to care if you look silly? : 3 Have fun, enjoy life! ^_^

*grins* Oh, I'm not usually a wallflower, I'm usually the person up on stage dancing like a lunatic, but I felt more laid back last night

I regret going to a crappy technical school instead of a real college. Stupidest thing I've ever done and I hate myself for being suckered into it.

And I'm not surprised you were hit on a lot. Why are YOU surprised?

Because it was a comedy club and not like a singles bar or something like that where if you're there it means you're looking. Usually at theme clubs you have a better chance for getting left alone because you're there for the entertainment, not the cock ;p

And well, you could always go to college agaaainn, not that you need to since you have a good job that treats you right and pays for your certs, lol

Well, guys do like a woman with a good sense of humor and likes to laugh. I do.
I for one would take the chance and hit on a woman at a comedy club.

But then again I'm known for my massive social ineptitude.

I think massive social ineptitude is being UNWILLING to TRY to interact with someone, regardless of it's for possible romantic interest or just friendly in nature

Which just happens to be my biggest problem.

Think you'll break out of it?

Heh, I got so much regret. Sometimes I wish I was not born. But I wish I did not go to the damn technical school I went to. That or the subject matter. I wish I just did what I really wanted to do, which was get an education in Automotive mechanics. Or Deisile mechanics. Do something, get my hands dirty. Heh. Then again, I was just trying to find an easy way. And I figured that since I was near Redmond, WA, I may get a better chance into the IT field. Wow, I was so wrong.

Oh well, I am hoping once I get the majority of my bills out of the way to the point I got nothing but my tuition to worry about. I may try to find work in the IT field again. And/OR go get an education in the field I really want this time. Oh well, so I dream.

Have you ever thought about applying for FAFSA aid to go back to school?

Uh....no....what's FAFSA? O.o

FAFSA is a government program where if you earn less than $23,000 dollars a year, they'll pay for your college, or if you make more than that, they'll at least assist you, I use it to go to school

Oh....wow, wish I knew that before I went into trucking.....I am supposed to make way more than that in a year. :-/ Hehe, oh well, I'll look into it. Anything to get out of this field faster....I paid my truck school loan off 3 months ago anyways, so I am no longer committed to stay (part of first job contract.....too much to get into).

Even if you make that in a year, you can apply and qualify for it NOW, and it gives you the credit for an entire year regardless of if your circumstances change or not, like I'm already prepaid for the spring semester

Hehe, I'll look into it later. I can't be doing this job while in school. To give an idea, I only get between 3 to 5 days off every two weeks. I live in Seattle, but I am currently in Buffalo, NY. Not to mention I was back in Seattle in August. So, this job really is not the type of job I want to be in while in college. Just won't do. Now online classes, that's a different story.

Oh well, we'll see, its an option. :-D

I can't do anything about the past.....The one thing I wish I could change about my here and now is I seem to be having more and more of these awful episodes of self-doubt about my abilities as an Artist and writer......You know,you've held my hand and talked with me about this on IMs more than once...and I appreciate your putting up with my whineyness

*grins* It's not "putting up" with anything, you're my friend and I adore chatting with you

the past is lost already so why change it, besides you've helped me change a little already. The only thing I wish I could alter would be my looks; I believe my current ones are holding me back so a severe degree. However I am at least trying with them.

What specifics in your features do you feel are leading you to being judged? *frowns and hugs him*

This would be easier to answer with a picture, (might want to do that someday as a scrap.) Anyway I feel my face is too gaunt, I look like Lurch from Adams Family, except just a tad less pale. I have a mark on the bridge of my nose, and my chin hair never goes away, (much to my dismay.) The list goes on, but those are the major dissatisfactions.

I like gaunt faces, it gives you a cast of having old world features, my face is pretty gaunt too

I would rather have gone to college than to have gotten married to my horrid ex-husband.... but then I wouldn't have my two little ones... so it's a tough choice....

I know what you mean about that. I completely agree with the sentiment, but the wee ones are what makes life worth it, and you can't separate the past like that, our bad experiences make us cherish them all the more

I don’t what to regret any thing, though I do and I have things that I don’t like and want changed. but with on action (right or wrong) you get a set of reactions and different results and paths to take and go through, good and bad. Well its just like playing the cards that are dealt in a big game, you can always take more cards from the pile, role the dice, pass “go” and COLLECT!!! 8D

you?

Haha people watching at the club ^^

LOL, you didn't even answer the question, you just went off on a rant about like existentialism XD

I feel like a politician LOL

Well then, I guess I'll have to say I wished that I stood up for my self more during jr. high. I'll slap up any one now ;3

Only one change .... I would have got to know you with pleasure earlier! I bet, this would have changed my life!

Well you have your entire future ahead of you now that you can apply what you know to making it a better place, and I'll help you along the way =)

Thank you, Sharra!

It's my pleasure, sweet thing ^_^

If I had the power for Jon to live closer by - then probably that. I don't regret much else in my life, it all happened for a reason. ^^

Hehe, but he'll move to be close by you within a year or so, yeah?

It's our goal~ :D

Greatest regret... six words, spoken sharply to my brother-in-law, about to start CPR on my mother, terminally ill with breast cancer:

"Remember-she said no heroic measures."

Six years ago, and I'm still not fully over it.

What I'd like to change most: My health. Being slightly ill nearly all the time is wearying.

Sorry to lay this on ya, but you did ask. :/

As for being hit on, well... being a large bearded male, I keep getting hit on by "bear" enthusiasts. Not being interested in that sort of thing, I give a polite "thanks but no thanks" and move on, taking the compliment for what it's worth... ;)

Do you have any established medical problems with your immune system? Do you take multi-vitamins or any herbal remedies for your health? I'm so into nutrition it's not even funny, and I'd also be perpetually ill if not for all the natural supplements I take

It's side-effects, mostly.

See, I had an angioplasty and stents put in about three months ago. So, I'm on a ton of different meds (blood thinners, blood sugar, blood pressure, heart meds and so forth); what with those, aspirin and fish oil capsules, I'm taking nine different meds a day.

Needless to say, this does my digestion no good whatsoever.

OTOH, my blood pressure and blood work comes back good, and a stress test done a month after the surgery looked good, so...

But the upshot is, I'm kinda leery of putting anything else into my system at the moment. Heck, I've got a cold now, and I dasn't even try Nyquil... :P

To go back and have the chance to redo one of my past relationships.

Would that really be your choice though, or hers?

It would be my choice, a chance to fix mistakes i made and prevent them from happening, and being less of a dickhead.
But there are multiple things i would wish to change, my brothers death from cancer, his kids in the flood, if i change one thing something else will badly happen. So its never gonna be a easy answer, given if this was real :P

I'd probably change my body weight, I'm on the heavy side, but I've been working-out on that.

Congratulations on working to give yourself a healthier body! Although in terms of aesthetics, I think whatever shape a person has is beautiful if they carry themselves with confidence

Thank you for your kind words.

The only thing I would change right now is not being straight forward with you when we first started talking. Everything else is beyond my control to change.

That's okay though, because I forgive you and it's in the past now

Hmmm.....Too much Emo Baggage in the past; I'm a Philisophical Hercules because of it....But 1 thing.....I guess ..No,I can't change that...

Hm, now you have me curious

...Just that If my parents gave a damn....But That's 2...!

I would tear the Fandom out of my life and get rid of it in every way possible. How much better would life be for me if I hadn't discovered it at all....

In what ways does it influence your real life?

It's a long story. :) But what would the internet be without all those dramas and rans that go on nowadays?

The first thing I probably would've changed was going to college sooner than later. I was trying to get into it in 2K2, but my dumb self back then had let my parents sucker me into going to Job Corps. instead, which did nothing at all for me. Going to Job Corps. was one of my biggest regrets that I still won't forgive my parents for. Going to that place was almost liek going to prison. It was that horrible. Right about now I'm wishing that now I had myself a place of my own to call home and some line of work that paid me better. I'd at least be somewhat happier than I am now.

*nods* living with your dad and stepmom isn't really emotionally healthy for you

No it isn't. Right now I'm trying my best to rectify that. Once I get my truck fixed (that is once I get whatever it is stuck in her engine), my next move is to find an affordable apartment for myself away from St. Louis city. On my salary I might have to be pushing it, but I think I might find one that I can make work for me. I'm hoping.

I would change whatever it is in my brain/central-nervous system that makes it so when people touch me, it either hurts, or gives me a minor seizure, so that would stop.

Most people would figure for me it'd be going back and stopping me from going to work the saturday voluntarily and getting my nerve damage.... No, I'd go back to august of 06, the first and stay at my grandparents place, and on the 11th, slash all their tires, break their phones, anything to keep my grandfather from going to work that day so he wouldn't be hit head on coming home later and died.....

If I had to change one thing in my life and had to say it right now, it would have been my birth. Mainly for all the greif I have caused to people over the years. But also in part the things my family went through after my birth. I was always told I was an accident, a mistake, and never wanted. That is hard on a kid, but to be told this all the time as i grew up. To be pushed into the side lines while the other siblings shined in their respective schoolings, and to always be the one that was wrong when I knew in the deepst heart of my being that I wasnt, it was a crushing weight that to this day has never left me.

I have had my heart broken more times than I want to remember, and for that I wish I could have changed this one thing. For all the times I was told "no your too ugly", "no your too fat", "no your too tall", "no your too unpopular", this is what broke me down. All I wanted was love, companionship, and maybe someone to just be there for me like I was trying to be there for EVERYONE else. But every time I found somone with my interests, thoughts, and my heart went out. It cam back crushed because they never shared my feelings. I stopped looking in the UK and turned to the internet, but in that I was foolish. Distance can be as big of a letdown as face to face turn downs! I found many women willing to be with me but never close enough to have that connection.

I have made enemies along my path, most of whome decided to become this side to my life because of jealousy or greed for what I had or could give to others. Intelligence, hope, humor, grace, tact, and above all, understanding towards others even in the worst of times I could relate to what they were saying and give words of, comfort?! consolation?! Possibly even a light they didnt see before?! I have never been sure from case to case. But this I do know, I have never TRIED to make an enemy. They just come around to that way of thinking.

I have rage inside me that never subsides from these things because I NEVER let go of a thought or feeling, because I deem them too precious to be wasted no matter then outcome. But I fear that one day this rage will unleash itself on someone or something and I will do something truly terrible in its wake. For this I wish I had taken a route I presented to myself 15 years ago. But also I could never have taken because of my own feelings. I have to this day NEVER intentionally hurt any of my friends through accident or purposion. And I hope I never will. But at the same time I curse my own control over my emotions.

As I sit here writing this on one of the most public forums I am a member of, to someone I feel I know well enough to tell this to, I realise that others will see it too and judge me according to their life experiances. To those people I say judge me if you wish but remember 1 thing. We al judge according to our own lives, but please read into the life I have had, or question it yourselves. And this I say because this is an outpouring of myself to you  sharra but also to others around you in your circle of friends. And maybe someone will have the answer I have been looking for, maybe they wont. But I will take everything they say with reverance and forethought. But above all I take your confidence into accreation in my being.

I will finish with this now before it becomes pages into my journals, and as sich lost into some box in a back room again. If i havei offended anyone, it was not intentional. The same for down right aboration. But I am who I am and time has set that in stone for all to see if they only look close enough.

T.R.Holmes

Somehow, the answer is quite simple for me, but certainly of not so easy forgetting.
The only regret i have, is that i didn't let myself be "myself" since i was born. I hid my own feel of living from others since i can remember, and let it shut inside myself.
I can only imagine all the things i lost from not trying and be brave to break my "own-jail". Letting myself be a mere shadow of a person that could love and be loved. Many people i could have met, and many people i would have loved in a better way.

Sometimes these wonderings get you stray from reality, but at least i can see a better future. After all, i'm what i am thanks to these happenings XP

Oh, and as an extra comment. You've been hit beacuse you're cute, that's easy :P
But maybe they just wanted to chat in a friendly way, with an interesting woman that has sense of humor. In the end, there's always place for new friends ^^

I still maintain that you are exceedingly sexy, Sharra hun. so I'm not surprised by the number of hits on you! You should get back to dating hottie!-D
And i think that i made so many mistakes in my life that changing a single one of them wouldn't change much!