... that I am half positive I am going crazy. However, It could be that I think I am so therefore I am going. Pain killers or not, my sense of time and concept of self is deteriorated. When I feel Lucid I feel tired, sluggish, ready to curl up and wait for nothing to happen.

I don't even know why I avoid people or things anymore. Some stupid form of anesthetic amnesia from having so many surgeries so close maybe? Or probably the year of me having a steady stream of narcotics during all waking hours of the day.