Well it turns out there is a good neurological reason why I am terrible at drawing from my head, but not so bad at getting something I draw while looking at something similar to what I want.

I happen to have one of 9 different psychology recognized neurological diseases, that all fall under the category, function disconnect syndrome (FDS); Specifically I have a bad case of ADHD connected to a vulnerability to migraines.

Most of what I know about FDS comes form little pieces I pulled together reading psych manuals while working in a medical bookstore, and most importantly from the work of Dr. Robert Melillo, the guy who really pioneered the research and treatment of these disorders "instead of just following the psych manuals to prescribe scam drugs like crystal meth "aderol or ridlin, not that either actually has anything to do with treating the patient".

Basically the disorder as seen in MRIs and Cat scans, is a combination of one side of the brain working in hyper drive, while the other under performs, and a really low function of an area of the brain that controls stimulus input filtering. there are at least 9 different psychological disorders characterized by this phenomena, two of them are ADHD "ADD too" and Autism. From what I understand from Dr. Melillo, they are all the same basic neurological problem , but different sides of the brain imbalanced, and different areas of each side imbalanced in different severity.

The two most significant things I came out of studying this guys publications is this, that ADHD is NOT a chemical imbalance, and in fact the chemical treatments given for it really are a scam, if not making it worse, and certainly harmful in many m any ways. And that there really is a physical evidence and fingerprint for these disorders, so it is NOT just an issue of behavior problems.

Well anyway to get to the point, after reading this guy and seeing how various hyperactive and sub active states of different areas of each hemisphere then to cause symptoms, I think I have finally resolved a paradox artistically in me.

Since I am strongly left brain hyperactive ADHD, I tend to be very analytical and very intelligent for left brained activity; which will often mean quick learning to play music, but not creatively, rather by learning the notes and playing the notes. Same for art, the left brain is responsibly for mimicry of a sort, which allows one to learn things very fast and well, but truly creativeness... is very hard and really a right brained function. In other words, I can look at a photo or painting of something, and do a good job at accurately mimicking it, but to try to draw, paint, or play music, on something in my head; it is difficult in the extreme as my right hemisphere is very low activity from the imbalance of my left side in hyper mode. Thus while i can have a very clear "concept picture" in my head in fine detail, there is a very real disconnect in communicating it and drawing it or musically expressing it.

Honestly this is torture, since I come up with many many ideas an stories I wish I could express visually, but i truly just cannot bridge the disconnect in my own head to draw them myself. And more frustrating is the massive expense in commissioning everything that crosses my mind to need to share; id need to be a millionaire.

Oh well, if anyone is reading this, and has anything remotely similar as their experience, I hope what I shared might help. If you are young enough, you really can look up the doctor, and since he has many cases he has been able to balance and cure, perhaps you can get help. Me... I am way to old to get treatment from his clinics, but I did find that COMPETENT acupuncturists also can sense and diagnose imbalance like what I have and treat it, though at this point in my treatment, my migraines are being focused on, but hey... so far 90% reduction in migraines is NOT BAD!!!