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Farewell... and I'm sorry
18 years ago
Well... I finally came to the realization that I really just can't stay here. I find that this site depresses me more often then it pleases me. Please don't call me Emo or whatnot, that wouldn't really be fair. It's not my fault that I get depressed. Believe me, it's not something I look forward to.
I used to pleasantly believe my art was at least somewhat decent, and the thing that I think saddened me the most is that this furry art archive kind of shattered that delusion that I had. VCL at one time could only tell me how many times my picture was 'viewed', but this place; as wonderful as it is for good artists.. or more importantly, pornography artists; only allowed me to see that a few here-and-there would be suckered into 'viewing' my work; but almost none would see it as worth remembering.. or much else.
I hate to even admit this, because somehow it makes me feel worse, but I put a ton of hours into my art. For this reason, I am paranoid about losing it: the main reason I keep it on the net, at least somewhere. But somehow I just feel cheapened here, and that others who slap stuff together in a matter of minutes manage loads of favorites, barrages of comments, and page views galore.
Anyway, those of you sweet enough to watch me for whatever reason you chose, I'm sorry if I am disappointing you in any way. Believe me, the last thing I would ever want to do is upset or anger the couple of furs that for whatever reason decided to watch what I would upload.
I'm gonna delete the stuff that I don't value as much first, but I'm still undecided if I will be keeping some of my more painstakingly-completed works here. As I said.. I feel the need to back them up; if not just for the sake of making sure that my work wasn't for nothing. The only reason I really want to delete them all is because I know myself; it's a vicious cycle... if any of my art remains here, I will be tempted to glance at the numbers, and slope my mood once more.
It's almost funny to think about: When I would come here and become sad that I was pretty much in the shadows, I would tell myself "Well who cares. You just draw for yourself.." to make myself feel better. Well... I really don't.. or didn't. I originally started uploading my works because I just wanted to believe I was good at something, and wanted others to agree. I cringe thinking about those who will hate me and call me an overly emotional loser because of this, but I just feel like those of you who gave me a little bit of your time deserve an explanation at least.
Blah, anyway, now that I've rambled on uselessly. Thanks again for those of you who gave me a few smiles and some kind words. Not very many words can describe how much it meant to this snowy-colored lion.
See you all later.
I used to pleasantly believe my art was at least somewhat decent, and the thing that I think saddened me the most is that this furry art archive kind of shattered that delusion that I had. VCL at one time could only tell me how many times my picture was 'viewed', but this place; as wonderful as it is for good artists.. or more importantly, pornography artists; only allowed me to see that a few here-and-there would be suckered into 'viewing' my work; but almost none would see it as worth remembering.. or much else.
I hate to even admit this, because somehow it makes me feel worse, but I put a ton of hours into my art. For this reason, I am paranoid about losing it: the main reason I keep it on the net, at least somewhere. But somehow I just feel cheapened here, and that others who slap stuff together in a matter of minutes manage loads of favorites, barrages of comments, and page views galore.
Anyway, those of you sweet enough to watch me for whatever reason you chose, I'm sorry if I am disappointing you in any way. Believe me, the last thing I would ever want to do is upset or anger the couple of furs that for whatever reason decided to watch what I would upload.
I'm gonna delete the stuff that I don't value as much first, but I'm still undecided if I will be keeping some of my more painstakingly-completed works here. As I said.. I feel the need to back them up; if not just for the sake of making sure that my work wasn't for nothing. The only reason I really want to delete them all is because I know myself; it's a vicious cycle... if any of my art remains here, I will be tempted to glance at the numbers, and slope my mood once more.
It's almost funny to think about: When I would come here and become sad that I was pretty much in the shadows, I would tell myself "Well who cares. You just draw for yourself.." to make myself feel better. Well... I really don't.. or didn't. I originally started uploading my works because I just wanted to believe I was good at something, and wanted others to agree. I cringe thinking about those who will hate me and call me an overly emotional loser because of this, but I just feel like those of you who gave me a little bit of your time deserve an explanation at least.
Blah, anyway, now that I've rambled on uselessly. Thanks again for those of you who gave me a few smiles and some kind words. Not very many words can describe how much it meant to this snowy-colored lion.
See you all later.
Its up to you what you do I hope you find somewhere to put your art where it will be more appreciated
*hugs from the dingo* and hope to see you on the nets one day try to be happy
*hugs*
I have a special folder on my computer just for your art, so I may pull it up and enjoy it at any time, even when I cannot get online.
*hugs and backrubs*
Be well, and know you succeed at everything you do.
*hugs back* If you need some time to step away from the stress on FA you can do so, but don't give up on your art so easilly, I enjoy doing it a lot with you when you come to visit me when you get the chance.
Hope everything goes alright for you and we can get together agian sometime.
This place just makes me extremely bitter as a matter of factly. Hell, it's your choice. If people hate you for it, then who cares? Your life is supposed to be lived in the way you want. And if this place pisses you off then it's not worth staying to hurt yourself over.
Drawing for yourself is one thing. I draw for myself as it's new and it's fun to do. But you don't have to stay and try to impress anybody. Period. Hell I know people on this site that if they leave, the whole site will whine and bitch at them going while those are the same people who pass over everyone else.
Seriously, I don't hate you for what you're doing. In truth, I can honestly respect you for it. If any reason for you to stay that I can come up with it's to keep in touch. I have no real way of getting in contact with you, so that's really it.
But you do what you do and be happy with what you do.
I personally could ultimately care less about pageviews. I draw because I enjoy drawing. It's not a popularity contest. And if some people appreciate your art, isn't that enough?
I'm not saying this particularly to you, hon, I hope you know that. *hugs* I hope you find what you want out of your art. *nibbles* I'll talk to you online when I see ya. ^^
But anyway, I really am gonna miss you. I watch people for lots of reasons, and I liked you for your opinions, your sense of humor, and your art. I don't want you to go, but I understand why you're ready, and I wish you the best. Just promise to keep drawing, if only for the love of it.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/836909/
This is one of the first pictures I ever did. When I drew it, I wasn't thinking "Oh, I hope this makes me popular" or even "I wonder how many page views I get with this". I drew it so that I could have a picture of Chaca when I roleplayed him. Everything was so innocent and simple then. I don't know when I got caught up in the popularity contest.. but I don't think I'm truly leaving; more changing my perspective. This is MY archive.. and I will put whatever I want in it. The only regret I have is that in my sadness I deleted all of the 'overly opinionated' journal entries that I had.. as Rafael called them. Well.. that was a reaction to the same stupid popularity contest way-of-thinking. If I could un-delete them I would. This is my archive, and I will do whatever I want with it. I really need to stop caring what others think. I'm not re-uploading all of my art either. I will put stuff in this archive that I want to have here, and really in ways I wish I could disable all the numbers.
Anyway, to all of you I actually kind of want to say "thank you". You've all helped me not only see that I wasn't alone hating the popularity conest of the sight, but you really made me think that I will go back to the reasons I started drawing in the first place. Flat out, I'm not here to please anyone but myself. Asside from Dornm, Keswolf, Zaccri, Zane and Doma, I've never met anyone on this sight in real life.. and probably never will. And for what it's worth, there isn't a soul from that list that I met THROUGH FA. in other words, this sight is simply an archive, nothing more.
Thank you all again for helping me see through the sadness and frustration.