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Les Poisson, Les Poission . . . (& Never Alone)
14 years ago
Now that I have images from The Little Mermaid firmly in your head. . .
A charming yet quite frustrating European tradition stems from the changing of the calendar lo those many years ago. A certain French king decided at one point that he was going to change New Year's Day from 1 d'avril to 1 d'janvier.
If you've ever wondered why the majority of society gets crocked in the middle of winter and not a more pleasant time of year like April or (my favorite) October, this is why. Blame Charlie. Of France.
News being slow to travel back in the olden days, those who were not in the fashionable know or chose to stubbornly keep to the old date of New Year's were dubbed the fish of April, or to use the French, "Les poisson d'avril". It became the fashion to prank people on this date by attaching small fish to their backs and giggling. Like the silly people we still are.
Not to be outdone, other countries soon began to indulge in "April Fool's" jests until it became an epidemic, a disease, a parasitic lamprey on the butt of humanity!!
*Tosses aside soapbox and rips down flag.* Yuk it up, fuzzball.
My point being, there is a fine history behind the April Fool's prank, one I have even indulged in. I was tempted (PLEASE note, TEMPTED) to call up my boyfriend and give him a righteous scare yesterday. I chose not to, mostly because it is nigh-impossible to get a hold of that boy on anything that can be considered a weekend. That, and karma is a pimp and I'm it's bitch.
I broke my usual self-imposed vow of social avoidance on this infamous date to check on my FA account. If Facebook is blue heroin, then what do you call something I could give up FB for? Lo and behold, I see that one of my favored artists has posted.
I looked at the subject line with incredulity. I didn't believe it! This had to be investigated at all costs!
I was pranked.
She got me good.
likeshine, you cunning genius! I can only admire you for this! You alone have the honor of being the sole person to pull the wool over my eyes and dupe me!
Well done and brava! *Thunderous applause!* I'd send props, but I know you prefer cookies.
That aside, we had a busy day yesterday. My best friend Lin got an apartment a month ago, but because of one thing and another, we're still camping out on air mattresses and the sole chair in the place is the one reserved for computing. Mostly, this is due to the fact that her things are still in her parent's house or in mine. I don't mind waiting on her, though. What I mind is the fact that to preserve my own sanity and a portion of my physical health, I'd rather camp out on an air mattress and share seating.
in her hometown, she has waiting: a couch, a bed, at least three bookshelves, an entertainment center, a TV, a laptop she got in 2004, and various and sundry items collected over the twenty years she lived with her parents.
Her boyfriend, Bazil, brings: another entertainment center (solid oak), another TV, An XBox 360 Elite, a Nintendo Wii, an SNES, a NES, a desktop computer (2008-ish), a laptop (2003-ish), a futon, a corner desk, and various and sundries he got from living with his parents for 20 years.
Lin bought a TV yesterday to help out a friend of a friend, so that brings the total up to three. One more, and there can be a TV in every room in the place, including the bathroom.
This to me is a special type of insanity. Lin and Baz agree, there will be a surplus of boob tubes in the place. I think the only reason the newest one was even bought was out of kindness to this acquaintance of ours. Little matter, though. It's their money, and I'm not gonna tell them how to spend it. I do, however, reserve the right to giggle at the thought of a 27" TV in a bathroom that has maybe 36 inches of free space.
I have enjoyed staying here and do look at the prospect of returning to my parents with mixed emotions. This is mostly because I recognize that my health (mental and otherwise) suffers in that house anymore.
My parents love me and would do just about anything for me. They have taken in my friends until said friends were ready and able to stand on their own feet. Part of the problem is, two of the housemates seem to insist on a rivalry that at least I can see the point of, but not understand the magnitude of. To bitch just a little, this is all one of them talks about. Every derisive statement has a joke about the other person involved in it. He has yet to understand that my silence on the matter is not tacit agreement but instead is diplomacy.
The other doesn't seem to care one way or another about anything that doesn't directly affect him or his agenda unless confronted, then it becomes a matter of personal honor (or testosterone-laden poorly handled aggression) to get louder and more threatening until the other person backs down or illustrates that there will be no backing down. Due respect to both of these males for their discipline thus far. They are both usually prone to physical altercation when pushed beyond what they consider their limits and have walked away from such altercations on numerous occasions from numerous individuals, myself included.
Those of you that know me should be thinking along the lines of "Wait, Lenka? Physically engaging someone? In violence?" Yes. I got that angry and had to be held back by four of the best people I know. There are parts of that night I only recall because I was told them. I don't remember half of what happened. I experienced adrenaline blackout. I decided that a strategic retreat was in order. Not to surrender, but to gather my mental strength back before I snapped where either one of them was concerned.
My father, person he is, refuses steadfastly to evict either person from the house. He is quietly insistent that they will eventually learn, because he will not tolerate any other course of action. I wish I had the faith he does. I do. I I note here that I do not pray for it, because the way God likes to grant such things is through experience. I don't want that. I may need it, but I will not be fool enough to ask for it.
The immature 'victim' in me wants to whine about how my father is pushing everyone away for the sake of two contentious pretending to be adults. The adult in me wants to see this as an act of faith on my father's part and laud him for it, even to the point of being there to support him. The cruel fact of the matter is, it is better for my mental, emotional, and physical health to be away from the bitter rivalry, the constant griping, the knife-like tension and the constant haze of cigarette smoke from a father who smokes moderately (less than he ever has since starting the habit, to tell the truth). Supposedly, the other housemate has quit for reasons of his own health, but I will believe it when I see it. To be honest, I haven't been around TO see it. I spent less than an hour at my parent's house yesterday and I am still feeling a burning in the back of my nose and purging it as best I can. I want so badly to be where I feel I have my responsibilities, but at the same time, I need to take care of myself.
I don't want sympathy, or even answers. I just want to say my piece and move on from there. I can hear in the back of my head saying as many have in the not-so-distant past, "man up". I can tell you one thing about this phrase:
I've heard it my entire life and I'm getting sick of it. So much of my life has been forced on me. There are things I freely admit to being my fault entirely and things that I will admit have my contribution all over them. I recall a time, however, when a certain blue reptile was crying on my shoulder about how hard his life got. I didn't tell him to "man up". I let him cry and reassured him of life's good points, of my love for him (platonic as it was), and of the support network he had pulling for him. I guess I want that now. I want to be able to go to someone who isn't part of the situation, tell them what's going on, and be assured that I'm not being a victim or a whiner, but that what is going on in my life is actually grossly unfair.
Fairs are for tourists, I've heard time and again. I've SAID it time and again, as well. Life is not fair. It never has been. It's a writhing, sneaking carnival of endurance. (Yeah, yeah, and I need to find black hair dye as well, don't I?) There is also joy in this life. Those moments of joy are there for pressure release and it is important to milk every bit of happiness and goodness out of them so one can survive the shit. I am trying so hard to focus on the good.
My parents love me.
My best friend and her boyfriend are moving in together and have a place of their own- a place where the door is always open to me.
My boyfriend, though inattentive and somewhat absent-minded, loves me dearly when I am in his presence and does take time to talk to me when he can spare a moment.
I have friends and parents that understand me and accept that I am not doing well physically and take only what I can give and ask no more.
My God loves me better than anyone I can find on this earth and I can rest in the arms of God at any time, even when my friends can't be there.
I have more than one family that will defend me to the death if need be.
I'm not addicted to anything.
I'm not bedridden.
I'm not alone in this.
That last thought is what keeps me going more than anything- I am not alone.
I will never be alone. Never again. Not since I avowed myself to God as a child of the Church. Not since I made a more personal vow outside that institution. I am NEVER alone.
I am discouraged. I am confused. But I am not alone.
Point? I'm not sure there was one. What I am sure of is that I needed to meander through those thoughts until I got to the last one.
So, to my pack from the fandom:
Lin-My sister in all but blood, my first lover and my best friend. There is so much I could say here. You've seen me through more than most even know, and you've pushed back when I push everyone away. You are steadfast and a better person than you know.
Bazil- My sister's match, my brother, my lover and my friend. You are the knight in shining armor I never knew I needed. You defend with all you have and you are a man who never stops trying. I couldn't have crafted a better match for my soul's sister.
Sjach- My assassin, my friend, my lover and my lovemate. There are many things to be said about you, but the thing I most often think is you are the best surprise I ever got. You and I may not always agree, but I can love you even in the midst of hating what you've done. You remind me that life is not so serious and nor should I be.
GothWulfe & Yugo- my adopted fathers and friends.
Goth, you took me in and accepted me as yours without even knowing me. You've opened my eyes and guided me through a world I cannot see but have known about all my life. You are as much a father to me as the one who engendered me and I am privileged to have you.
Yugo, you have my back and keep me smiling. Your wrath is terrible and woe to those who incite it. I rest easier knowing that I have you over my shoulder, wielding a frightening weapon and a gleam in your eye that makes most people run away. After the conflict is over, you'll throw off the bad boy and become the 'psycho teddy bear' with a nether wave and a laugh.
Evie- HAIL THE QUEEN of Lesbonia, friend indeed! You are wonderful in your randomness and know the balance of seriousness and goofy. Your heart is large, and is probably the least mundane thing you keep in that bra of holding of yours. Flamingos and love for you, the Queen!
NecromanticWriter- my spazzy friend and formidable ally. You walk the balance and live in a world that frightens the crap out of most of the world- that of the gray. With a flourish and a smirk, you pull off what most people only dream of- a rockstar attitude with a mystical center.
Sabre- You annoy the crap out of me with your attitude some days, but you are loyal to a fault and have never once compromised yourself or your beliefs. Real sabre-dragons wear pink, indeed!
Moony- My shifter and true friend. You understand a lot of where I come from, and that is possibly because you are number 1, so awesome, but number 2, a werewolf empath like myself. I am so glad to have found you and will protect you and yours as best I can. *nose nuzzles and hugs!*
To my blood-birthed pack:
Mom: You have never failed to be there for me and have never once said you didn't love me. For that, I respect you. You have taken in even those whose attitudes or actions you didn't approve of and done your level best to nurture all who enter your house. You've stuck by my father for 29 years, even when you didn't want to. For this, I admire you. You are my mother. For that, and all else, I love you. All fear the NINJA GRYPHON! *giggle!*
Dad- You have faith (and stubbornness) beyond most understanding. You can control feelings as strong if not stronger than my own and do so with a seemingly effortless grace. You nurtured me and were every bit the parent my mother was and still is. You both complement each other and there is nothing you cannot accomplish together. Plus, you're yourself no matter what you do. So, Pygmy Sasquatch, I love you.
So many more. . . Do I even have space for it all? Who knows? I have love for them, and more.
Maybe life ain't so hot.
So what? I have a pack that loves me.
And I am never alone.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Artist: Barlow Girl
Song: Never Alone
I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
A charming yet quite frustrating European tradition stems from the changing of the calendar lo those many years ago. A certain French king decided at one point that he was going to change New Year's Day from 1 d'avril to 1 d'janvier.
If you've ever wondered why the majority of society gets crocked in the middle of winter and not a more pleasant time of year like April or (my favorite) October, this is why. Blame Charlie. Of France.
News being slow to travel back in the olden days, those who were not in the fashionable know or chose to stubbornly keep to the old date of New Year's were dubbed the fish of April, or to use the French, "Les poisson d'avril". It became the fashion to prank people on this date by attaching small fish to their backs and giggling. Like the silly people we still are.
Not to be outdone, other countries soon began to indulge in "April Fool's" jests until it became an epidemic, a disease, a parasitic lamprey on the butt of humanity!!
*Tosses aside soapbox and rips down flag.* Yuk it up, fuzzball.
My point being, there is a fine history behind the April Fool's prank, one I have even indulged in. I was tempted (PLEASE note, TEMPTED) to call up my boyfriend and give him a righteous scare yesterday. I chose not to, mostly because it is nigh-impossible to get a hold of that boy on anything that can be considered a weekend. That, and karma is a pimp and I'm it's bitch.
I broke my usual self-imposed vow of social avoidance on this infamous date to check on my FA account. If Facebook is blue heroin, then what do you call something I could give up FB for? Lo and behold, I see that one of my favored artists has posted.
I looked at the subject line with incredulity. I didn't believe it! This had to be investigated at all costs!
I was pranked.
She got me good.
likeshine, you cunning genius! I can only admire you for this! You alone have the honor of being the sole person to pull the wool over my eyes and dupe me!
Well done and brava! *Thunderous applause!* I'd send props, but I know you prefer cookies.
That aside, we had a busy day yesterday. My best friend Lin got an apartment a month ago, but because of one thing and another, we're still camping out on air mattresses and the sole chair in the place is the one reserved for computing. Mostly, this is due to the fact that her things are still in her parent's house or in mine. I don't mind waiting on her, though. What I mind is the fact that to preserve my own sanity and a portion of my physical health, I'd rather camp out on an air mattress and share seating.
in her hometown, she has waiting: a couch, a bed, at least three bookshelves, an entertainment center, a TV, a laptop she got in 2004, and various and sundry items collected over the twenty years she lived with her parents.
Her boyfriend, Bazil, brings: another entertainment center (solid oak), another TV, An XBox 360 Elite, a Nintendo Wii, an SNES, a NES, a desktop computer (2008-ish), a laptop (2003-ish), a futon, a corner desk, and various and sundries he got from living with his parents for 20 years.
Lin bought a TV yesterday to help out a friend of a friend, so that brings the total up to three. One more, and there can be a TV in every room in the place, including the bathroom.
This to me is a special type of insanity. Lin and Baz agree, there will be a surplus of boob tubes in the place. I think the only reason the newest one was even bought was out of kindness to this acquaintance of ours. Little matter, though. It's their money, and I'm not gonna tell them how to spend it. I do, however, reserve the right to giggle at the thought of a 27" TV in a bathroom that has maybe 36 inches of free space.
I have enjoyed staying here and do look at the prospect of returning to my parents with mixed emotions. This is mostly because I recognize that my health (mental and otherwise) suffers in that house anymore.
My parents love me and would do just about anything for me. They have taken in my friends until said friends were ready and able to stand on their own feet. Part of the problem is, two of the housemates seem to insist on a rivalry that at least I can see the point of, but not understand the magnitude of. To bitch just a little, this is all one of them talks about. Every derisive statement has a joke about the other person involved in it. He has yet to understand that my silence on the matter is not tacit agreement but instead is diplomacy.
The other doesn't seem to care one way or another about anything that doesn't directly affect him or his agenda unless confronted, then it becomes a matter of personal honor (or testosterone-laden poorly handled aggression) to get louder and more threatening until the other person backs down or illustrates that there will be no backing down. Due respect to both of these males for their discipline thus far. They are both usually prone to physical altercation when pushed beyond what they consider their limits and have walked away from such altercations on numerous occasions from numerous individuals, myself included.
Those of you that know me should be thinking along the lines of "Wait, Lenka? Physically engaging someone? In violence?" Yes. I got that angry and had to be held back by four of the best people I know. There are parts of that night I only recall because I was told them. I don't remember half of what happened. I experienced adrenaline blackout. I decided that a strategic retreat was in order. Not to surrender, but to gather my mental strength back before I snapped where either one of them was concerned.
My father, person he is, refuses steadfastly to evict either person from the house. He is quietly insistent that they will eventually learn, because he will not tolerate any other course of action. I wish I had the faith he does. I do. I I note here that I do not pray for it, because the way God likes to grant such things is through experience. I don't want that. I may need it, but I will not be fool enough to ask for it.
The immature 'victim' in me wants to whine about how my father is pushing everyone away for the sake of two contentious pretending to be adults. The adult in me wants to see this as an act of faith on my father's part and laud him for it, even to the point of being there to support him. The cruel fact of the matter is, it is better for my mental, emotional, and physical health to be away from the bitter rivalry, the constant griping, the knife-like tension and the constant haze of cigarette smoke from a father who smokes moderately (less than he ever has since starting the habit, to tell the truth). Supposedly, the other housemate has quit for reasons of his own health, but I will believe it when I see it. To be honest, I haven't been around TO see it. I spent less than an hour at my parent's house yesterday and I am still feeling a burning in the back of my nose and purging it as best I can. I want so badly to be where I feel I have my responsibilities, but at the same time, I need to take care of myself.
I don't want sympathy, or even answers. I just want to say my piece and move on from there. I can hear in the back of my head saying as many have in the not-so-distant past, "man up". I can tell you one thing about this phrase:
I've heard it my entire life and I'm getting sick of it. So much of my life has been forced on me. There are things I freely admit to being my fault entirely and things that I will admit have my contribution all over them. I recall a time, however, when a certain blue reptile was crying on my shoulder about how hard his life got. I didn't tell him to "man up". I let him cry and reassured him of life's good points, of my love for him (platonic as it was), and of the support network he had pulling for him. I guess I want that now. I want to be able to go to someone who isn't part of the situation, tell them what's going on, and be assured that I'm not being a victim or a whiner, but that what is going on in my life is actually grossly unfair.
Fairs are for tourists, I've heard time and again. I've SAID it time and again, as well. Life is not fair. It never has been. It's a writhing, sneaking carnival of endurance. (Yeah, yeah, and I need to find black hair dye as well, don't I?) There is also joy in this life. Those moments of joy are there for pressure release and it is important to milk every bit of happiness and goodness out of them so one can survive the shit. I am trying so hard to focus on the good.
My parents love me.
My best friend and her boyfriend are moving in together and have a place of their own- a place where the door is always open to me.
My boyfriend, though inattentive and somewhat absent-minded, loves me dearly when I am in his presence and does take time to talk to me when he can spare a moment.
I have friends and parents that understand me and accept that I am not doing well physically and take only what I can give and ask no more.
My God loves me better than anyone I can find on this earth and I can rest in the arms of God at any time, even when my friends can't be there.
I have more than one family that will defend me to the death if need be.
I'm not addicted to anything.
I'm not bedridden.
I'm not alone in this.
That last thought is what keeps me going more than anything- I am not alone.
I will never be alone. Never again. Not since I avowed myself to God as a child of the Church. Not since I made a more personal vow outside that institution. I am NEVER alone.
I am discouraged. I am confused. But I am not alone.
Point? I'm not sure there was one. What I am sure of is that I needed to meander through those thoughts until I got to the last one.
So, to my pack from the fandom:
Lin-My sister in all but blood, my first lover and my best friend. There is so much I could say here. You've seen me through more than most even know, and you've pushed back when I push everyone away. You are steadfast and a better person than you know.
Bazil- My sister's match, my brother, my lover and my friend. You are the knight in shining armor I never knew I needed. You defend with all you have and you are a man who never stops trying. I couldn't have crafted a better match for my soul's sister.
Sjach- My assassin, my friend, my lover and my lovemate. There are many things to be said about you, but the thing I most often think is you are the best surprise I ever got. You and I may not always agree, but I can love you even in the midst of hating what you've done. You remind me that life is not so serious and nor should I be.
GothWulfe & Yugo- my adopted fathers and friends.
Goth, you took me in and accepted me as yours without even knowing me. You've opened my eyes and guided me through a world I cannot see but have known about all my life. You are as much a father to me as the one who engendered me and I am privileged to have you.
Yugo, you have my back and keep me smiling. Your wrath is terrible and woe to those who incite it. I rest easier knowing that I have you over my shoulder, wielding a frightening weapon and a gleam in your eye that makes most people run away. After the conflict is over, you'll throw off the bad boy and become the 'psycho teddy bear' with a nether wave and a laugh.
Evie- HAIL THE QUEEN of Lesbonia, friend indeed! You are wonderful in your randomness and know the balance of seriousness and goofy. Your heart is large, and is probably the least mundane thing you keep in that bra of holding of yours. Flamingos and love for you, the Queen!
NecromanticWriter- my spazzy friend and formidable ally. You walk the balance and live in a world that frightens the crap out of most of the world- that of the gray. With a flourish and a smirk, you pull off what most people only dream of- a rockstar attitude with a mystical center.
Sabre- You annoy the crap out of me with your attitude some days, but you are loyal to a fault and have never once compromised yourself or your beliefs. Real sabre-dragons wear pink, indeed!
Moony- My shifter and true friend. You understand a lot of where I come from, and that is possibly because you are number 1, so awesome, but number 2, a werewolf empath like myself. I am so glad to have found you and will protect you and yours as best I can. *nose nuzzles and hugs!*
To my blood-birthed pack:
Mom: You have never failed to be there for me and have never once said you didn't love me. For that, I respect you. You have taken in even those whose attitudes or actions you didn't approve of and done your level best to nurture all who enter your house. You've stuck by my father for 29 years, even when you didn't want to. For this, I admire you. You are my mother. For that, and all else, I love you. All fear the NINJA GRYPHON! *giggle!*
Dad- You have faith (and stubbornness) beyond most understanding. You can control feelings as strong if not stronger than my own and do so with a seemingly effortless grace. You nurtured me and were every bit the parent my mother was and still is. You both complement each other and there is nothing you cannot accomplish together. Plus, you're yourself no matter what you do. So, Pygmy Sasquatch, I love you.
So many more. . . Do I even have space for it all? Who knows? I have love for them, and more.
Maybe life ain't so hot.
So what? I have a pack that loves me.
And I am never alone.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Artist: Barlow Girl
Song: Never Alone
I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
GothWulfe
~gothwulfe
:)
Lenka_Rahab
~lenkarahab
OP
