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What A Lion Means To Me
14 years ago
It's about time I explained things- or at least said them aloud to myself, in a way I have never before- to remember as well as to remind myself why. Please forgive me for being lengthy as I probably wouldn't be typing this had sleep not eluded me last night. I am now on a mission to improve the vessel I reside in, both mind and body, and I can think at this time in my life of no better symbol to help me through this transition and into the great beyond than the Lion.
Right now I don't like what I see. This creature is weak, lazy, scared, jealous, stubborn, slow, and crumbling in on itself when it should be flourishing. In order to remedy this, I will presumably have to grow backbone that can produce will. Willpower means everything. Aleister Crowley famously defined magick as ""the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will". Well, I'm about to make magick happen'; I've realized what I know I've thought many times before but never had the conviction to truly grab onto and hold tight: I create myself. I will it, therefore it shall be. and I want to create a strong, confident, driven, graceful, beautiful Lion.
When I grew tall as a child, taller than everyone else, others said "how can you stand it, to be so ugly?" But I knew I wasn't; I saw a lion in myself, in my hair, in the longness of my limbs and my tawny color. When I started wandering my world, knowing the woods and springs I could get to, I knew no fear. My limbs were strong and I was not alone (at least not in living partners on those treks.) I saw things live and sometimes die, I saw purple lightning and choked on rainwater, I had nights (that I laugh about now) when those who saw me thought I was feral...and I thought I could be a lion there, neither lord nor trespasser. Some days, I was.
Spiritually, I don't believe much that can't be proven, and I don't ascribe to the notion of having an innate essence of animal form such as what many call 'totems' or 'spirit animals'. I do not believe a lion telepathically kneaded my brain-meats and formed me as a person. What I do believe is that through awe and inspiration I can take power from the symbol of something mightier than myself, and turn this into a weapon of my own design; I will do this, and I will do this with the image of a lion before the sunset, surveying with anticipation the night that awaits.
My name is Ariel, and I will live up to my namesake.
Right now I don't like what I see. This creature is weak, lazy, scared, jealous, stubborn, slow, and crumbling in on itself when it should be flourishing. In order to remedy this, I will presumably have to grow backbone that can produce will. Willpower means everything. Aleister Crowley famously defined magick as ""the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will". Well, I'm about to make magick happen'; I've realized what I know I've thought many times before but never had the conviction to truly grab onto and hold tight: I create myself. I will it, therefore it shall be. and I want to create a strong, confident, driven, graceful, beautiful Lion.
When I grew tall as a child, taller than everyone else, others said "how can you stand it, to be so ugly?" But I knew I wasn't; I saw a lion in myself, in my hair, in the longness of my limbs and my tawny color. When I started wandering my world, knowing the woods and springs I could get to, I knew no fear. My limbs were strong and I was not alone (at least not in living partners on those treks.) I saw things live and sometimes die, I saw purple lightning and choked on rainwater, I had nights (that I laugh about now) when those who saw me thought I was feral...and I thought I could be a lion there, neither lord nor trespasser. Some days, I was.
Spiritually, I don't believe much that can't be proven, and I don't ascribe to the notion of having an innate essence of animal form such as what many call 'totems' or 'spirit animals'. I do not believe a lion telepathically kneaded my brain-meats and formed me as a person. What I do believe is that through awe and inspiration I can take power from the symbol of something mightier than myself, and turn this into a weapon of my own design; I will do this, and I will do this with the image of a lion before the sunset, surveying with anticipation the night that awaits.
My name is Ariel, and I will live up to my namesake.
This probably doesn't relate much to this journal, but with your last journals it kinda reminded me of this comic http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&a.....l+lion#/d5q8fj
(Though you know what's weird, I don't see myself with a mane and though I don't identify as female I respect lioness' more.) I see myself as kind of just a young, maneless male lion. I might grow one some day, who knows, but for now I don't need anything that grand. X3